Your brother plans on changing his last name to his wife's when they get married. Do you think any less of your brother?
I think it's weird, but if that's what he wants...
Not even slightly.
I considered taking hers because I have no relationship with my family and a negative relationship with my father.
Me and my fiancé are hyphenating, and my last name gets to go first! He would've let us just use mine but its his, as well as my, last chance to continue our family names.
Congrats on the nups
No, not at all.
I think that's so cool. Way to go, bro!
No, he has to keep it. It's a warning he's one of them. Every police office in southeast Michigan knows our last name. And my bro is proving to be carrying on the tradition of being a worthless piece of....
Not at all. I wish I could get my husband to take my last name!
Put your foot down, tell him how it's going to be then. Lol
No it won't work lol he is the third with a family name and it is very important to him lol I will suffer his last name, it's not like it bad
I'm not changing mine either. Bolsac is a proud name and Lisa will just have to get used to it :)
Yes I do.
My brother is one of the very last people to carry on our last name.
Well I don't like the way it is phrased.
I would be sad. But I wouldn't like him any less or anything.
Worded as my thoughts to gauge if I'm thinking right. I, personally wouldn't be sad or happy. But I'd torment him 'bout it, and yea, kinda look down, not saying it's right, but it is how I feel about it.
Yes - that's ridiculous, just like hyphenation.
Unless his last name is Hitler, of course.
Why is that ridiculous?
You would actually think less of him? Wow.
Kay - Only slightly less - of his poor judgment, not him as a person.
How is him taking his wife's last name poor judgment?
That is what I was about to ask.
Would a woman keeping her own name also make you think less of her?
rlands - same answer I just gave kay - it's as disrespectful, for lack of a better word, as asking him to sign a pre-nup. It's an unwillingness to fully commit to marriage and its accompanying traditions. IMHO.
So does that mean a man unwilling to change his name to his wife's isn't fully committing to marriage?
You aren't making ANY sense.
iBakes, I didn't get up this morning with nothing better to do than tangle with you. I expressed an opinion, which is what we're here for. You're obviously of a younger generation that's less respectful of traditions - AND others' opinions.
I'm trying to figure out where you're coming from. If you don't have the cognitive ability to explain your stance, just say so. Don't be all whiny and hypocritical, as usual.
No being whiny or hypocritical. I'm a conservative bu nature - not just politically and theologically - so much so that I'm accused of being OCD. I like routines and traditions and dislike change, especially degenerative change in the language and
in society. The traditions of marriage are important to me and it seems disrespectful to me that women started rejecting their husbands' names with the rise of "feminism." The same goes for awkward hyphenated surnames. I like the starus quo ante.
Does that explain it? Sorry I was testy earlier, but I don't want to fight today.
Actually you are being whiny & hypocritical. Apparently you're also a misogynist. Good to know.
I was inquiring WHY you think it's disrespectful. So no, that doesn't clear it up. I appreciate the effort though.
How 'bout you give the legally blind guy a chance to finish a whole oost before judging me? Traditional does NOT equal misogynistic.
Oh lord, please don't start with the "I'm blind & deserve special treatment on an app" thing again. I don't have the patience for that today. You're right, traditional doesn't equal misogynistic, you just happen to be both.
That's why I compared it to a pre-nup. She's saying, "I'll marry you, BUT..." It's like a child who says, "You can make me sit down, but I'm standing up on the inside!" There's a holding back, a defiance of tradition, that bothers me.
So why is that disrespectful yet a man who won't change his name is not disrespectful? That's also a "I'll marry you, but..." situation according to you. Why is that okay for a man to do but not a woman?
You're not going to get me to say men are more important than women. That's not the point I'm making here - the point is, I feel that way because...
I'm not trying to get you to say that. I'm just curious about your painfully obvious double standards. You know what else is tradition? Polygamy. You better have multiple wives! Throw in a husband for good measure, too.
Polygamy is not an American tradition. It's practiced still among some Mormon separatist groups, and in some other cultures, as is polyandry. But they're not American traditions.
I have no double standard, but I admit that the tradition seems to.
It's a longer running tradition though, and by your own words you abide to tradition. I guess at least you admit there's a major double standard within your belief.
Why is tradition such a big deal? You seem to be saying, it is the right thing to do, just because we always have done it that way. That is a really weak argument.
Just for the record, I am 71 and happily married for 50 years. I took my husband's
... last name, but if I had it to do all over again, I would think long and hard about that decision.
GrandmaAlice, You're awesome. I'm 61 and happily married for 40 years this September, and my hat's off to you.
As to the tradition thing, please see my posts toward the top of this thread. It's a big deal TO ME because I'm so conservative and I
don't like change. I wasn't trying to convince anybody, just to state a position. And predictably, iBakes came along and tried to pick a fight. But the reality is that I was just doing what I was supposed to do - expressing a personal opinion that
Stop being an asshole. You're the one who had a hissy fit when I was trying to figure out where you were coming from. It's funny you insult younger generations when you act like a teenager. Grow up & pull your head out of your hypocritical ass.
obviously doesn't work for everybody. But I'm far from alone - many Folks like the way things were before the world went crazy in the sixties. Tradition is important - it was one of John Wesley's four pillars by which he tested anything -
Scripture, Reason, Tradition, and Experience, sometimes called the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. It's like a rectangle with adjustable sides. How you construct it shapes your personal philosophy/theology. I value Scripture highest, where some folks ignore
it altogether. Tradition is more important to me than to others, that's all.
Sorry, I often resort to theology to explain my views because God is central to me. I'm also longwinded because I'm a retired English and Speech teacher. Hope this little
missive helps to explain my POV, because I've got to wrap this up and answer a certain rude interruption to our pleasant chat. Kiss your lucky husband good night, and many more happy years to you!
iBakes, your m.o. in debating seems to be to quickly judge and label your opponent and then force him to defend himself - sort of the "rope-a-dope" strategy of Ali translated to argument. I've taken your punches in hopes that there's a human in there
but you're really just a judgmental jackass, and your judgments are far from the last word on any topic. I'll match actual intellects with you any day, but that's not what you want - you want to make others look bad to make yourself feel bigger.
Well, I'm out of it - your game is only fun for the puny little insecure morons who play it, and you're not playing me any more.
The person who judges people based on their last name is trying to label someone else as judgmental? Ooooh, that's rich. If you need to tell yourself you're as smart as me or that you're better than me, do what you need to make yourself feel better.
Let me remind you my original questions were asking for clarification, and that you're the one unable to communicate your own stance without throwing a fit. You probably shouldn't be criticizing someone else. Goodbye.
I don't want to be as smart as you - I'd just as soon not lose 20 IQ points. Good night.
Again, whatever lies you need to say to make yourself feel better bud. Keep rolling out the snide comments while whining about me making comments. Your hypocrisy & lack of self-awareness does wonders for the argument I'm making here.
Depends on how awesome or otherwise socially recognized the name is
I would totally change my name to Mr. Bond or Mr. Gates
Depends on his reason
She told him to
Then he needs to grab his nuts and say no.
Yes, because specifically in the case of my brothers it would indicate a drastic, sudden, and complete departure from the traditions and values they held their entire lives.
I'd lose respect for anyone who changed so much in a relationship.
People should do whatever they're comfortable with. Personally, when I'm getting married I'm just keeping my own name. I've heard of spouses trading last names, hyphenating, or even combining the two into a new word.
No. But I would make fun of him constantly for his wife obviously having the balls in the relationship.
Why does changing his last name equal not having any balls?
I'm just being silly. You know the whole if the women doesn't take your name then she doesn't respect you as a man crap
Ha. I love it when people say crazy crap like that. Then I give them the benefit of a doubt & assume they have dementia and think it's last century. ;)
I think I could handle SOH better if I just pretended many of its users had dementia, thanks for the idea :)
Haha, no arguments there.
Do you personally know any man that did change his name to his wife's?
My wife has the balls and my last name.
I don't know who that question was directed to but I do, yes.
Bakes its your husband isn't it
My owner is bonemedic.
Bakes, this guy, no one has an issue with him choosing that? Maybe most in my life are not as evolved, including myself, but I don't know a single guy that did this, and if I did, I expect it to be the elephant in the room sort of thing
People were surprised at first but it isn't a big deal. It's his name, it's not like it's tattooed on his face or something.
Probably not tattoo'd but he could crochet it into a nice throw pillow.
No, I wouldn't think less of him. However, my guess is that would follow a long line of decisions that are just a tilt off from the norms and would expect something "crazy" like this. Also, it really depends on the name taken and how much it's worth.
I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as he doesn't.
No. Why would I?
Does it matter? Though the higher in the alphabet your name the more popular you are.
Logically I don't think it would matter, but sitting with him at the bar, uncontrollably laughing at him, logic would take a back seat.
I want to carry on my family name but if all I have is daughters than that's the end. The main reason is, there are three men in my family left to hold the name. However if she refuses to take a mans name she still has too accept her dads last name.
Or pick a new one
It's different, but it's not unheard of. It's his choice, really. I would question who wears the pants in the house, though. Haha