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JustBob July 16th, 2013 1:47pm

Your brother plans on changing his last name to his wife's when they get married. Do you think any less of your brother?

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kateXcore Dark side of the moon
07/16/13 11:06 pm

I think it's weird, but if that's what he wants...

fixitlater My Life
07/16/13 2:44 pm

I considered taking hers because I have no relationship with my family and a negative relationship with my father.

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HopefulChaos ohio
07/16/13 12:05 pm

Me and my fiancé are hyphenating, and my last name gets to go first! He would've let us just use mine but its his, as well as my, last chance to continue our family names.

rlands
07/16/13 10:22 am

I think that's so cool. Way to go, bro!

Kris Humidity Central
07/16/13 10:15 am

No, he has to keep it. It's a warning he's one of them. Every police office in southeast Michigan knows our last name. And my bro is proving to be carrying on the tradition of being a worthless piece of....

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/16/13 8:32 am

Not at all. I wish I could get my husband to take my last name!

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JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 9:17 am

Put your foot down, tell him how it's going to be then. Lol

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/16/13 9:20 am

No it won't work lol he is the third with a family name and it is very important to him lol I will suffer his last name, it's not like it bad

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 9:26 am

I'm not changing mine either. Bolsac is a proud name and Lisa will just have to get used to it :)

HayleyS looking up.
07/16/13 8:20 am

Yes I do.

My brother is one of the very last people to carry on our last name.

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HayleyS looking up.
07/16/13 8:21 am

Well I don't like the way it is phrased.

I would be sad. But I wouldn't like him any less or anything.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 9:21 am

Worded as my thoughts to gauge if I'm thinking right. I, personally wouldn't be sad or happy. But I'd torment him 'bout it, and yea, kinda look down, not saying it's right, but it is how I feel about it.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 8:04 am

Yes - that's ridiculous, just like hyphenation.

Unless his last name is Hitler, of course.

iBakes California
07/16/13 8:20 am

Why is that ridiculous?

Kay41 the Midwest
07/16/13 9:52 am

You would actually think less of him? Wow.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 10:15 am

Kay - Only slightly less - of his poor judgment, not him as a person.

iBakes California
07/16/13 10:17 am

How is him taking his wife's last name poor judgment?

Kay41 the Midwest
07/16/13 10:17 am

That is what I was about to ask.

rlands
07/16/13 10:23 am

Would a woman keeping her own name also make you think less of her?

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 10:55 am

rlands - same answer I just gave kay - it's as disrespectful, for lack of a better word, as asking him to sign a pre-nup. It's an unwillingness to fully commit to marriage and its accompanying traditions. IMHO.

iBakes California
07/16/13 11:00 am

So does that mean a man unwilling to change his name to his wife's isn't fully committing to marriage?

You aren't making ANY sense.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 11:29 am

iBakes, I didn't get up this morning with nothing better to do than tangle with you. I expressed an opinion, which is what we're here for. You're obviously of a younger generation that's less respectful of traditions - AND others' opinions.

iBakes California
07/16/13 11:32 am

I'm trying to figure out where you're coming from. If you don't have the cognitive ability to explain your stance, just say so. Don't be all whiny and hypocritical, as usual.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 12:12 pm

No being whiny or hypocritical. I'm a conservative bu nature - not just politically and theologically - so much so that I'm accused of being OCD. I like routines and traditions and dislike change, especially degenerative change in the language and

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 12:18 pm

in society. The traditions of marriage are important to me and it seems disrespectful to me that women started rejecting their husbands' names with the rise of "feminism." The same goes for awkward hyphenated surnames. I like the starus quo ante.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 12:19 pm

Does that explain it? Sorry I was testy earlier, but I don't want to fight today.

iBakes California
07/16/13 12:20 pm

Actually you are being whiny & hypocritical. Apparently you're also a misogynist. Good to know.

iBakes California
07/16/13 12:21 pm

I was inquiring WHY you think it's disrespectful. So no, that doesn't clear it up. I appreciate the effort though.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 12:24 pm

How 'bout you give the legally blind guy a chance to finish a whole oost before judging me? Traditional does NOT equal misogynistic.

iBakes California
07/16/13 12:27 pm

Oh lord, please don't start with the "I'm blind & deserve special treatment on an app" thing again. I don't have the patience for that today. You're right, traditional doesn't equal misogynistic, you just happen to be both.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 12:30 pm

That's why I compared it to a pre-nup. She's saying, "I'll marry you, BUT..." It's like a child who says, "You can make me sit down, but I'm standing up on the inside!" There's a holding back, a defiance of tradition, that bothers me.

iBakes California
07/16/13 12:34 pm

So why is that disrespectful yet a man who won't change his name is not disrespectful? That's also a "I'll marry you, but..." situation according to you. Why is that okay for a man to do but not a woman?

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 6:00 pm

You're not going to get me to say men are more important than women. That's not the point I'm making here - the point is, I feel that way because...
IT'S TRADITION!
That's all!

iBakes California
07/16/13 6:02 pm

I'm not trying to get you to say that. I'm just curious about your painfully obvious double standards. You know what else is tradition? Polygamy. You better have multiple wives! Throw in a husband for good measure, too.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 6:33 pm

Polygamy is not an American tradition. It's practiced still among some Mormon separatist groups, and in some other cultures, as is polyandry. But they're not American traditions.
I have no double standard, but I admit that the tradition seems to.

iBakes California
07/16/13 6:36 pm

It's a longer running tradition though, and by your own words you abide to tradition. I guess at least you admit there's a major double standard within your belief.

GrandmaALiCE For a better 2021
07/16/13 8:45 pm

Why is tradition such a big deal? You seem to be saying, it is the right thing to do, just because we always have done it that way. That is a really weak argument.

Just for the record, I am 71 and happily married for 50 years. I took my husband's

GrandmaALiCE For a better 2021
07/16/13 8:47 pm

... last name, but if I had it to do all over again, I would think long and hard about that decision.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:16 pm

GrandmaAlice, You're awesome. I'm 61 and happily married for 40 years this September, and my hat's off to you.
As to the tradition thing, please see my posts toward the top of this thread. It's a big deal TO ME because I'm so conservative and I

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:21 pm

don't like change. I wasn't trying to convince anybody, just to state a position. And predictably, iBakes came along and tried to pick a fight. But the reality is that I was just doing what I was supposed to do - expressing a personal opinion that

iBakes California
07/16/13 9:25 pm

Stop being an asshole. You're the one who had a hissy fit when I was trying to figure out where you were coming from. It's funny you insult younger generations when you act like a teenager. Grow up & pull your head out of your hypocritical ass.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:25 pm

obviously doesn't work for everybody. But I'm far from alone - many Folks like the way things were before the world went crazy in the sixties. Tradition is important - it was one of John Wesley's four pillars by which he tested anything -

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:32 pm

Scripture, Reason, Tradition, and Experience, sometimes called the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. It's like a rectangle with adjustable sides. How you construct it shapes your personal philosophy/theology. I value Scripture highest, where some folks ignore

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:37 pm

it altogether. Tradition is more important to me than to others, that's all.
Sorry, I often resort to theology to explain my views because God is central to me. I'm also longwinded because I'm a retired English and Speech teacher. Hope this little

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:39 pm

missive helps to explain my POV, because I've got to wrap this up and answer a certain rude interruption to our pleasant chat. Kiss your lucky husband good night, and many more happy years to you!

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:47 pm

iBakes, your m.o. in debating seems to be to quickly judge and label your opponent and then force him to defend himself - sort of the "rope-a-dope" strategy of Ali translated to argument. I've taken your punches in hopes that there's a human in there

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:51 pm

but you're really just a judgmental jackass, and your judgments are far from the last word on any topic. I'll match actual intellects with you any day, but that's not what you want - you want to make others look bad to make yourself feel bigger.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 9:53 pm

Well, I'm out of it - your game is only fun for the puny little insecure morons who play it, and you're not playing me any more.

iBakes California
07/16/13 9:54 pm

The person who judges people based on their last name is trying to label someone else as judgmental? Ooooh, that's rich. If you need to tell yourself you're as smart as me or that you're better than me, do what you need to make yourself feel better.

iBakes California
07/16/13 9:55 pm

Let me remind you my original questions were asking for clarification, and that you're the one unable to communicate your own stance without throwing a fit. You probably shouldn't be criticizing someone else. Goodbye.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
07/16/13 10:06 pm

I don't want to be as smart as you - I'd just as soon not lose 20 IQ points. Good night.

iBakes California
07/16/13 10:10 pm

Again, whatever lies you need to say to make yourself feel better bud. Keep rolling out the snide comments while whining about me making comments. Your hypocrisy & lack of self-awareness does wonders for the argument I'm making here.

theawesomer Nowhereland
07/16/13 8:03 am

Depends on how awesome or otherwise socially recognized the name is

theawesomer Nowhereland
07/16/13 8:04 am

I would totally change my name to Mr. Bond or Mr. Gates

kilokalex Sanity is for the weak
07/16/13 9:51 am

Then he needs to grab his nuts and say no.

MrMilkdud
07/16/13 7:30 am

Yes, because specifically in the case of my brothers it would indicate a drastic, sudden, and complete departure from the traditions and values they held their entire lives.
I'd lose respect for anyone who changed so much in a relationship.

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Octopus
07/16/13 7:09 am

People should do whatever they're comfortable with. Personally, when I'm getting married I'm just keeping my own name. I've heard of spouses trading last names, hyphenating, or even combining the two into a new word.

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dramaschick All ways in my head
07/16/13 7:06 am

No. But I would make fun of him constantly for his wife obviously having the balls in the relationship.

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iBakes California
07/16/13 8:00 am

Why does changing his last name equal not having any balls?

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/16/13 8:11 am

I'm just being silly. You know the whole if the women doesn't take your name then she doesn't respect you as a man crap

iBakes California
07/16/13 8:23 am

Ha. I love it when people say crazy crap like that. Then I give them the benefit of a doubt & assume they have dementia and think it's last century. ;)

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/16/13 8:34 am

I think I could handle SOH better if I just pretended many of its users had dementia, thanks for the idea :)

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 9:15 am

Do you personally know any man that did change his name to his wife's?

kilokalex Sanity is for the weak
07/16/13 9:52 am

My wife has the balls and my last name.

iBakes California
07/16/13 10:10 am

I don't know who that question was directed to but I do, yes.

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/16/13 10:12 am

Bakes its your husband isn't it

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 10:33 am

Bakes, this guy, no one has an issue with him choosing that? Maybe most in my life are not as evolved, including myself, but I don't know a single guy that did this, and if I did, I expect it to be the elephant in the room sort of thing

iBakes California
07/16/13 10:53 am

People were surprised at first but it isn't a big deal. It's his name, it's not like it's tattooed on his face or something.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 2:14 pm

Probably not tattoo'd but he could crochet it into a nice throw pillow.

tmacsurprise no pictures just numbers
07/16/13 7:04 am

No, I wouldn't think less of him. However, my guess is that would follow a long line of decisions that are just a tilt off from the norms and would expect something "crazy" like this. Also, it really depends on the name taken and how much it's worth.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/16/13 6:57 am

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as he doesn't.

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susanr Colorado
07/16/13 6:52 am

No. Why would I?

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kilokalex Sanity is for the weak
07/16/13 6:51 am

Does it matter? Though the higher in the alphabet your name the more popular you are.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/16/13 6:55 am

Logically I don't think it would matter, but sitting with him at the bar, uncontrollably laughing at him, logic would take a back seat.

kilokalex Sanity is for the weak
07/16/13 6:57 am

I want to carry on my family name but if all I have is daughters than that's the end. The main reason is, there are three men in my family left to hold the name. However if she refuses to take a mans name she still has too accept her dads last name.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/16/13 6:51 am

It's different, but it's not unheard of. It's his choice, really. I would question who wears the pants in the house, though. Haha

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