Show of HandsShow of Hands

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:36 pm

I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?

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Cruz2016 Rum Bum Beach City
06/29/13 5:29 pm

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

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inge MIA
06/29/13 5:34 pm

You know...not having emoji is making my insults way meaner than they are meant to be

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JackTorS Clap you stupid bastards
06/29/13 6:12 pm

The other day I was wondering "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

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rolltribe Ohio
06/29/13 5:35 pm

Two fish are in a tank, one says "you man the gun, I'll drive!"

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rolltribe Ohio
06/29/13 6:30 pm

A doctor told his patient "you have cancer and short term memory loss." The patient replied "well at least I don't have cancer!"

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Jeninerd Hoth, AK
06/29/13 5:34 pm

This isn't funny, but I picked out my wedding dress today! ☺

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commonsense America isnt racist
06/29/13 6:09 pm

From my 6 year old daughter:

What do you call a fish with 10 eyes?



Fiiiiiiiiiish

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rolltribe Ohio
06/29/13 5:56 pm

A husband argued to his wife that men have superior judgement skills than woman. The wife replied "of course dear, you married me, and I you"

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Emily33 North Carolina
06/29/13 5:24 pm

This guy I know was trying to get me to go out with his friend. He asked me, "Hey Emily, guess what John's shirt is made out of?"
"What?"
"Boyfriend material!"

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FutureMD be nice to people
06/29/13 5:53 pm

And the mama cow said "cause a rose petal fell on your head when you were born."
Then a third baby cow said "AUDNFJAKDUSJAGXKFB" and the mama cow said "shut up, cinderblock."

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:20 pm

As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

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DrReid Ever present.
06/29/13 5:27 pm

Because there was no punch line!

...

XD

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Kris Humidity Central
06/29/13 5:37 pm

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bar tender looks and them and exclaims "What is this, some kind of joke?"

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:10 pm

Based on a true story

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longhorn1 Kindocologist Hater
06/29/13 5:41 pm

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat...

The wheelchair.

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 5:56 pm

I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... (Brian Kiley)

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JackTorS Clap you stupid bastards
06/29/13 6:27 pm

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say "bought", I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 6:27 pm

And finally, my personal favorite,

16) Great ... Fa Kin Su Pah

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 6:12 pm

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

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PuppyLvr In love with Listgarten
06/29/13 6:13 pm

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

Love that one!

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jimiscott Survivor
06/29/13 5:44 pm

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?????



You wave!!!????

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:22 pm

How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

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Evseng2
06/29/13 5:57 pm

That's not reicht.
Seriously, are Jew kidding me??

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MannIsMe Did You Assume My Party
06/29/13 11:00 pm

Why doesn't China have a Disneyland?

Nobody's tall enough for the rides.

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FyndFyre Moon Base Alpha
06/29/13 7:03 pm

I have a bunch of unemployment jokes, but none of them work...

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PuppyLvr In love with Listgarten
06/29/13 6:17 pm

Student: Should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

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BigKennyShow Welcome to the basement
06/29/13 5:47 pm

At least we still have 2 balls.

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Marley17 or is it just me...
06/29/13 6:45 pm

A priest and rabbi are walking past a park...
Priest- "Lets screw these kids"
Rabbi- "Out of what?"

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:25 pm

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.

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rlands
06/29/13 5:19 pm

Kid that lives on my street just came up to me as I was unpacking my car and said "you know, if my bellybutton wasn't locked, all my drinks I drinked would leak out!" Thank goodness his bellybutton was locked!

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zman117 Ohio
06/29/13 5:58 pm

If it was any other animal besides a cow then PETA would be all over it. Nobody cares about cows

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HayleyS looking up.
06/29/13 5:23 pm

Why can't a chicken cross the road without anyone questioning his motives??!?!?!?! :P

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TempName14 Everywhere but nowhere
06/29/13 7:23 pm

The university of Texas may win some football games this year.........

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 6:02 pm

Three guys, stranded on a deserted island, find a lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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inge MIA
06/29/13 5:38 pm

Lol the blonde didn't get it at first. That's cute

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Doopy Remedial Americanism
06/29/13 6:15 pm

That one may be past the PG-13 content target Tony has asked us to maintain...

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rolltribe Ohio
06/29/13 6:43 pm

There are three types of people in this world: those that can count, and those who can't

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thatguy81 here
06/29/13 6:18 pm

What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?

Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 7:13 pm

I am one of inge's minions. How cool! I want that on a t-shirt.

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inge MIA
06/29/13 5:50 pm

Well now I'm just turned on

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Processing On a journey to oneness.
06/29/13 5:54 pm

Hitler goes to a concentration camp and sees a little girl and ask, " why are you so happy?" Little girl responds "I'll turn 8 next week!" Hilter said, " No, you won't."

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
06/29/13 6:26 pm

6) Did you go to the beach? ... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ... Wai Yu Mun Ching

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ZiggySpringer Fields of Trenzalore
06/29/13 6:07 pm

Annie: I don't know what it is but I just find Jews really hot.
Charlie: Maybe it's the ovens.
Annie: That's horrible!
Charlie: No, I can tell that joke, I have an oven.

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PuppyLvr In love with Listgarten
06/29/13 6:07 pm

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a car that breaks down in the desert. They leave the car to find help. The brunette takes, water, the redhead takes food, and the blonde takes a car door so she could roll the window down when it gets hot.

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Kris Humidity Central
06/29/13 5:40 pm

Some muffins are cooking in the oven and one says "It's really hot in here."

Another muffin screams "Holy shít a talking muffin!"

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JackTorS Clap you stupid bastards
06/29/13 6:13 pm

Holy inappropriate Batman!!!

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Kris Humidity Central
06/29/13 7:08 pm

Well, the 2nd man & the 1st man met in heaven. The first man asked, "Man, why did you laugh? You almost pulled it off."
To which the 2nd man replied, "I couldn't help it. I got to the 9th berry, and I noticed the other guy brought back watermelons."

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Evseng2
06/29/13 5:49 pm

Good talk.

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