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TierasPet October 29th, 2013 2:51am

Many victims of domestic violence blame themselves for letting it happen to them. Do you agree with this assessment? I'd be very interested in comments on this if you care to share.

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jrvrn Philly suburb
10/29/13 4:50 am

During the period of abuse this is true. However, with therapy, distance, and time, many people realize that the abuser is the sole party responsible for the the actions of the abuser.

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jmw7477 Indiana
10/29/13 4:16 am

The abuse is not the victim's fault. But choosing to stay is.

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jrvrn Philly suburb
10/29/13 4:53 am

Many people who are abused are oppressed in a way that leaves them no means of escape. They are often cut off from money, family and friends by their abuser. And they often don't view themselves as strong enough to leave because they are victimized.

jrvrn Philly suburb
10/29/13 4:54 am

This kind of victim blaming is not helpful to anyone.

jmw7477 Indiana
10/29/13 4:57 am

If you want your life to be different, you have to make it different.

kspells TheOtherOtherside
10/29/13 2:28 am

1st I can't believe how stupid I am for picking this guy. 2nd I saw it coming & did nothing to prepare or prevent.3rd I thought it wouldn't go that far, that quickly or that bad.4th I thought getting my ass kicked would only take a few minutes not

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kspells TheOtherOtherside
10/29/13 2:32 am

Several hours. I've lost count. He ripped out all the land line & took my cell. Then he called in sick for 3 days & never left me alone, To convince me not to leave or tell. How could I tell anyone? Plus why spread the pain to friends & family.

jrvrn Philly suburb
10/29/13 4:51 am

These are things I have heard the abused say so many times.

TierasPet
10/29/13 7:46 am

I am so sorry and thank you for commenting. I thought I could change things too and it just wasn't the case and it wasn't you, it was him.

kspells TheOtherOtherside
10/29/13 11:06 am

Jrvm I heard most of it before it happened too me too. Which makes me stupid & my fault. Just for the answer to the poll, not still. What I was in the dark about before it happen was just how long a beating could last.

fixitlater My Life
10/29/13 1:46 am

If you watch that god awful Dr. Phil he will say it is 50% the fault of the victim. I have heard him in other relationship issues. He could not be more wrong. It doesn't have to be the wife. I have seen men abused just the same. Usually the abused...

fixitlater My Life
10/29/13 1:49 am

Is over a barrel where they will loose what the have worked hard to build and now the abuser is making it up to you by buying you new clothes or something as the rebound part of the abuse cycle.

Rebuild your life or eventually loose your life.

TierasPet
10/29/13 7:47 am

True, you have to rebuild, and that takes time.

fixitlater My Life
10/29/13 8:20 am

We have nothing but time.

bethanyq Ess Eff
10/28/13 8:33 pm

I agree that many blame themselves, but I definitely do not agree that they are to blame. Abuse fucks with your head as well as your body. Those fortunate enough not to have experienced it hopefully have enough empathy to try to understand, at least.

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TierasPet
10/28/13 8:44 pm

Thanks Bethany. That's a great comment and so was your other one. Sorry you went through that and glad you developed tools to deal with it.

bethanyq Ess Eff
10/28/13 8:56 pm

Thank you. I'm very lucky to have had the people in my life and the mental health care available to me that I did. I can't imagine having tried to get to where I am without those amazing resources.

TierasPet
10/28/13 11:53 pm

Every way. It's changing my state of mind but it takes time. Thank you so much for your comments.

carebear421dm California Bay Area
10/28/13 8:27 pm

Abuse victims suffer from different levels of PTSD, and more often than not can not recognize that the abuse and violence is not their fault, but instead constantly feel they are damaged and their abuser is helping them.

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TierasPet
10/28/13 8:45 pm

Thank you. Wise assessment.

carebear421dm California Bay Area
10/28/13 9:23 pm

Thanks. It's just from what I've learned, that seems to be the case and I hold my right to be wrong, lol.

TierasPet
10/28/13 11:48 pm

I think you are absolutely right. I was held at gunpoint as was my one year old son at the time. I don't see how you don't blame yourself for that and the guilt that comes with it. I've tried for years but I do have PTSD and....

TierasPet
10/28/13 11:52 pm

A host of other issues as a result. I panic when people yell, prefer to never have arguments, and hate personal conflict of any kind. I picked all the wrong people and finally got very lucky and found someone who understands and is wonderful in......

doctalk not all who wander r lost
10/28/13 8:17 pm

The pattern repeats to frequently among the abused who return to the abusive relationship. Love. Security. Fear. Family ties. They Hope it is the last time. All keep the victim from leaving.

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shellybaxter1234 Peaceful Place
10/28/13 8:04 pm

No - they are victims with victim personalities and they are in need of help and treatment

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TierasPet
10/28/13 8:26 pm

I agree.

JeremeFree California
10/28/13 7:57 pm

Letting it happen to them? No. Staying after the first time? Still not there fault but they are not being smart.

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TierasPet
10/28/13 8:25 pm

Thanks Jereme. I wasn't trying to put a spin on these these polls so thank you for pointing that out. I really did just want people's thoughts.

TierasPet
10/28/13 8:28 pm

Sorry that comment was meant for someone else.