Would you/Did you ever let your child fail at something of any significance even knowing you had the ability to help him succeed?
Absolutely, allowing kids to safely fail builds their character and resilience.
Of course lessons BS
I would to teach them a lesson
Yes, it is the best way to teach them to do things for themselves. To fail at something doesn't make one a failure. It goes with one of my favorite expressions; Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. From Batman The Beginning.
When my son was four, I taught him how to play checkers. He wanted to win so bad, but I knew it was for his own good to lose the first couple games. There was frustration and tears and it was hard to watch. Third game, he won! He smiled ear to ear.
The thing about "rescuing" someone from the consequences / results of their own doing is that bottom line, you're doing it for yourself, not for them. You don't want to see/feel the pain, you worry that it will reflect on you, etc.
My mom was overprotective and way over involved in my school life. Until 10th grade, I didn't experience getting a good grade on a project or paper completely of my own doing. When I did, I still remember the glorious feeling of seeing that grade...
... I know she wanted the best for me but it really delayed my skill development and worst, I always felt like a fraud.
We offered to pay for his community college education. When he failed enough of them, we refused to pay for any more and required that he repay us for the failed classes.
Allowing to fail at some 'thing'? Sure. There are lessons here. Allowing failure at something of significance, as a casual observer? Is THIS what some would describe as a "teachable moment"? I find the notion repulsive.
Something I figured out early in the parenting game-
Pick and choose your battles. That goes for where you step in and help and where you stand back and watch the failure happen too.
You need how to fail in life. Along with that, you need to learn how to lose.
Failure in my opinionis absolutely necessary. I have failed A lot, and it has only made me a better person. That being said, part of the reason I learned from it was the guidance and support AFTER I failed. Family and freinds supporting you helps.
It really depends on the specific situation to me though.
Sometimes failure is the best way to learn.
I'm not thinking of something huge like a college application.
For this question.
If it was something small I let them learn but you said "any significance", so yea I would help them to succeed, I'm the DAD, gotta help your kids succeed...
I don't really remember doing that with anything of significance, but I don't remember rescuing her from failing, either. Smaller stuff, for sure (letting her fail, that is). (It was so long ago, for me.)
Why would I allow failure when they could just as easily learn from those who already know? Isn't that kind of the point of education? You learn from those that already know, and you add onto their knowledge. I certainly don't NEED to fail in order
If, through repeated efforts, they refuse to listen - I will have no other choice but to allow their failure. That is their own fault, not mine.
Because learning how to fail (with grace even) and not give up or become discouraged is of an incredible benefit later in life.
I disagree. Failure is inevitable, that is true. You don't need to fail in order to know how to handle it. There are other avenues to build coping skills.
What sorts of avenues are you thinking of? I believe you can intellectually be aware of techniques to deal with failure, but as with anything there's no way to put that to the test without experience.
You can't learn from other people's mistakes. You can only learn from your own.
I respectfully disagree, biker. That's just what I've experienced in my own life. I have learned from the mistakes of others without having made the same.
Tyrian - I partially agree with that. You don't know 100% what you would do, but you have a
firm "footing," if you will, to stand up on. It's being armed with knowledge versus experiencing something blindly, without any prior understanding.
I think we're pretty much on the same page, or close enough really. I'm not saying don't do your best to set your kid up for success. You don't have to wait for them to burn their hand before teaching them the be careful with fire.
But if you know they have the proper tools, but they don't use them wisely, let them learn on their own the consequences of failure.
I'm not saying be over protective or control their decisions. They are free to decide whatever they will, based upon what knowledge we as parents have imparted in them. However, I will do my best to ensure their success if it is reasonable to do so.
Hey, speaking of close enough - you're one of the individuals only top agreement list. :)
Yeah, for example give them the tools and techniques to study properly, but if they procrastinate or don't take it seriously, let them fail instead of badgering them incessantly to get to work.
Nice! You are on mine too, but I don't have the massive amount of followers that you do! ;)
I was never an overprotective parent. I let my children learn from their mistakes. It was hard sometimes, but it had to be done.
One of the most important life lessons for us all to learn as children is how to fail, and how to try again.
Yes. It's difficult, but it's important that kids fail sometimes so that they learn how to recover.