Sister and brother in law are living with us for a few months. He’s late 60s, 20 years older than I. He quite literally marks his space. Sprays pee and poop everywhere, then doesn’t wash his hands. Would you tell him to wash his hands?
Gross!!! I would absolutely tell him, because that’s a health risk for everyone else.
So I read through all of the comments & I would have the conversation with him & tell him that he has to wash his hands. If that doesn’t work, I would get a can of Lysol for every member of your family & spray behind him with everything he touches & maybe he’ll get the message!
Yes, and I'd suggest he use the hose outside and lock the door on his way out. Bye guy.
Haha! Good suggestion.
Good luck and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Is your sister married to a dog?
Loaded question. I’ve thought so for numerous reasons.
They are scheduled to be with us 4 more months. I will put some new rules/boundaries in place in the next couple days.
He didn’t learn that as a kid?
Exactly my thought. My wife and I both taught our boys this when they were little kids!!
What? Is this real life? He would not have made halfway through the first day.
Ask him to wash his hands, while you are moping the floor with his face.
Unfortunately it is, and I am a fan of your suggestion.
The sooner the better. Push past the inertia and make a strong point. Because my God he has to be doing this every where
Chain him up to the tree outside. If he wants to act like an unruly dog, that’s exactly how he should be treated....
My wife and I had discussed this option previously...
Is this how they keep their home? Is your sister okay with this. You need to talk to your sister or make her clean it up. Your home is not a barn.
They had a housekeeper come in to their home, so I never saw it like that (they lived in another state). They are building a new home, and I’m curious to see how it gets treated. I already told my sister that she or her husband have to clean the bathrooms they use because my wife, kids and I will not. My question was about telling him to wash his hands though. Thoughts?
He would have to go!
Sounds like he already did.
Phalnx wins this round
Absolutely. I would expect one of them to clean up his mess too.
Yep, already addressed cleaning up with my sister. Can you believe we are having conversations like this?? Our young boys iniquity better.
I have standards in my home. Respect them and you’re more than welcome. Disrespect them and get out.
I agree. So you’d straight up tell him “We wash our hands after using the bathroom in this home. I expect the same of you.”
Yes and kick him out
They are only with us 4 more months when their new home will be finished. I already addressed cleaning up. I can follow through and make sure he abides by the rules. I can’t believe I have to tell a 67 year old to wash his hands...
There is no way I’m putting up with that for a few months, unless he is handicapped. Tell your sister that you want the bathroom kept clean. “You can stay here, as long is this bathroom is kept clean.”
I already told my sister that she or her husband have to clean the bathrooms they use because my wife, kids and I will not. My question was about telling him to wash his hands though. Thoughts?
And no, he’s not handicapped. He’s just a narcissistic, disgusting, arrogant animal.
I’d talk with the sister and if she doesn’t say anything, be direct with him.
I think I’ll say it directly to him. She’s stuck with him. I love my sister. I couldn’t care less what he thinks of me. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his problem.
Are they still there? I would tell sister to tell him. This is getting gross.
He’s a health hazard.
60’s is not old unless there is something wrong with him. Has he always been this way?
I already addressed the bathroom issue. I told her they have to clean it because my wife, kids and I will not. I guess he’s always been like this to some extent. They had a housekeeper, so I never saw it (plus they lived in another state). I think I’ll address the hand washing directly with him. He needs a dude to “punch him in the nose.” (Verbally) He’s just a narcissistic, arrogant bully. No physical issues that should be causing this.
This visit will certainly not bring you closer. How do you know he will wash his hands. I would keep him away from helping out at the dinner table and don’t let him carve the turkey.
I’m not looking to get closer to him. I’m looking to have good boundaries, protect my family and home, and show him that I have adult-size expectations of his behavior. We will know if he washes his hands, because we can hear it. He almost always uses the bathroom off the great room and the toilet is still flushing as he exits. We will hear the water run if he washes his hands. And your last comment is sadly not a problem. He is “too good” to do anything around the house. No worries about him offering.
You need a wall!
He’s a menace!
Is your brother inlaw a dog? I would not let them in for a second
That’s what I initially thought. I had to read it twice.
Unbelievable isn’t it?? Their new home will be finished in a few months. I already addressed keeping the bathroom clean, but the hand washing will be next.
Why is he living with you? Could there be some dementia?
They just moved to our state and are building a new home. No dementia. Just a narcissistic, arrogant bully. Since dealing with this, I’ve heard of other people who’ve experienced it. It’s like they (Marcia Tuc dudes) feel that they are so good that they can do whatever they want, and everyone else can clean up behind them.
That’s too bad. Good luck 🍀.
That is so vile. It’s a common courtesy to
clean up a bathroom after battles there are lost and wash it off afterward. Eww. I know I’d say something in my house.
Isn’t it unbelievable?? I already told my sister that she or her husband have to clean the bathrooms they use because my wife, kids and I will not. My question was about telling him to wash his hands though. Thoughts?
And if any of these additional attributes impact your decision, he’s a narcissist, “bro-ish” (if there is such a thing at 67), arrogant, but successful guy.
Yes it does - can I show him the door?
Actions have consequences. His choice, do better or go.
But I get the bit about narcissist. The one I occasionally have around marks his territory by leaving things, eg an old pair of shoes, not so vile as what you’re talking about.
@mark4 Wow, fascinating!!! Yeah, we find that he marks his territory in the bathroom, quite literally, marks the entry hall with tons of shoes, marks “his” chair and side table with books, snacks, gun wrappers, coffee cups. Marks a portion of the kitchen counters and island with electronics and cords. It all keeps my family from wanting to be in those areas, and I’m about to “punch him in the nose” and tell him to remove all those items, and put them in their room.
Gotta do something.