Show of Hands

That is very very true. I dont know anyone directly that has bipolar but I've been told they are similar disorders and both very difficult to handle.

These types of things put tremendous strain on family dynamics. It has honestly gotten to the point where most in my family are afraid to step in or intervene when she is not doing well for fear of 'unleashing her wrath' so most problems are incidents are swept under the rug.

I'm so sorry. That is what many in my family do too. It isn't healthy or good for anyone.

Thanks I will look into that link. My mom has considered that but if I know her, she wont make any moves that force my sister out.

I think she worries that if anything bad would happen, she would feel responsible which I understand.

The most frustrating part is that the downward spirals are denied until something awful happens (like overdose, state mandated institutionalization, etc.) And then once that passes, everything is denied again! It is a terrible cycle to be witness to.

It certainly is.

I worry about how this affects your fiancé. It must be very hard on her.

I worry about that too, but honestly my fiance handles it better than I do...probably something about me being too close to it. I'm burnt out and have lost a great deal of my sympathy over the years (as bad as that sounds)

I just sent you a private message.

I agree! Unfortunately I hold no weight in this family when it comes to her. It has even gotten to the point where she slapped my mother (yes my grieving, smaller mother) in a drunken rage.

I tried to get through to my mom that that should be the breaking point and that she needed to leave. But I don't really know what there is for me to do about someone that I have no control over in a home that is not mine.

Often the answer has been to remove myself in the past but the passing of my stepfather complicates that solution now.

Sorry to hear that, hope she is doing well. The death of a spouse is an incredibly difficult loss.

Thanks, same! Mom’s doing well. Dad was 90.

She's held down a job now for five years but the pay isnt great as it's a manager position in food service. On top of that, she is an extremely impulsive and irresponsible spender. The only time she lived alone, my parents were assisting with rent.

She's tried therapy but refuses to return. To me the answer is that she needs to move out and learn to be self sufficient, maybe that's too tough. Either way, my mother cant seem to work up the will to do that. She feels too guilty.

It might be less stressful for her to live alone. I’m so sorry for your situation.

I agree, hopefully others will recognize that as the solution as well sometime soon.

She refuses to go to therapy, she has in the past but claims it doesnt help. She also has a drinking problem which is exacerbating everything.

My mother struggles with being an enabler and now that her husband isnt around, there's no true authority figure to keep conflict in the house at bay.

And I honestly cant be certain if she's still on meds or not. Just a tough situation.

If she’s drinking she’s not going to be stable. Maybe she needs an intervention?

My fiance and I have talked about an intervention but without the support of my parents, I doubt it'll be effective. They both seem to be in denial about this most recent downward spiral.

You’re Mom sounds like an enabler. This has to be done without her. Do you have friends with connections to mental health professionals? I would talk to a professional in your area for advice. You need support. It’s not going to come from your Mom. I doubt your Mom is able to deal with this after losing her husband.

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Ironically my mom is a mental health social worker but I think it has had the reverse effect of normalizing this behavior since she deals with it everyday. I've tried to look for support elsewhere in my family and hopefully I can get others onboard.

Your Mom is morning and she is too close to the situation to be of help.

I hope you can get help and peace of mind.

A coworker of mine has a sibling with bipolar and it sounds like some of our experiences are similar. I think the similarities lie mainly in the strong swing of emotions inherent to both disorders.