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Think4Myself January 31st, 2019 2:57am

I am engaged. She just came home with a tattoo for an past fiancee who died (that is how the relationship ended).

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missmorganmarie ...
01/31/19 4:19 pm

dang. how long ago did he die? how long have you been together?

shygal47 Florida east coast
01/31/19 10:18 am

Take back the ring and run the other direction.
She is not ready and will, in the end, make you miserable. The comparisons, be they spoken or not, will always be on her mind.
Move on, unless you are a masochist.

WorstGooEver Nuke the Hurricanes
01/31/19 9:11 am

Think of it this way perhaps. You marry a widow and move into her house. Would you be upset if the photos of her dead husband remained on display? I know your situation isn’t quite the same, but the dead stay with you. It’s completely reasonable to let her know how surprised you were that she did not feel the need to discuss it with you beforehand.

Jazzy5 USA
01/31/19 8:59 am

Oh my.. I gather, this wasn’t discussed with you.
She could have planted a tree..

EarlyBird Portland
01/31/19 9:19 am

I love that idea. Planting a tree for a past loved one.

ronderman North Carolina
01/31/19 7:20 am

Sounds like she needs some counseling before you marry her. You should have premarital counseling anyway.

RussianThunder Russia and USA
01/31/19 7:18 am

I would ask her why. Why now? Talk it over.

Robert01 existentialist
01/31/19 5:12 am

I'm confused did you break up with her because she wants to celebrate someone who died that she happened to be in a relationship with?

Dude it's not like she's cheating on you he's dead.

historylover Navy Seawolves
01/31/19 3:59 am

Rebound relationships almost never work. For many people, they end up being the biggest regrets.

theNobamist straight lives matter
01/31/19 2:24 am

Major time-out period. And if she doesn't do anything to get past her grief, move on.

mac007 Mars
01/30/19 10:33 pm

I wouldn't say messed up. I would say she's dealing with grief issues. I would suggest patience and support. Let her know you love her give her time to get over her grief.

Wert A picture of my junk
01/30/19 9:24 pm

Only weird if you’re insecure. You have to realize that people have past relationships, especially as you get older. You need to realize this person really meant something to them and they were a part of their life. They’ve chosen to have a life with you, now. It doesn’t mean they have to forget their previous life or that they have any less of a commitment to you.

01/31/19 6:40 am

Past relationships yes, no problem, but the door closes on some things when you have a new relationship. The fact that you hooked up with different guys before me is ok, but if you do it after we are engaged it isn't. In the same way if she had the tattoo when I met her I would think nothing of it, it is just part of her past. But the time to get a tattoo like that closes in the same way when you enter a new serious relationship in my opinion.

Wert A picture of my junk
01/31/19 8:15 am

Well, if you aren’t comfortable with it, get out of the relationship. But realize that it’s your problem, not her’s. Don’t take it out on her. She’s not the one with the insecurity about it.

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
01/30/19 8:44 pm

That’s...weird. And a red flag. But not necessarily a deal breaker. Would have to talk to her

01/30/19 8:47 pm

She is genuinely angry that I see an issue with it. She keeps saying "HE IS DEAD" as if that makes it ok.

Malekithe Illegal Alien
01/30/19 9:23 pm


CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
01/30/19 9:47 pm

Well that’s not a good sign

What are you gonna do?

Cooper831 Wisconsin
01/31/19 6:27 am

She definitely should understand where you are coming from. If there is one thing I have learned it's that both people can typically find some fault to admit to in an argument.

If you want to save the relationships, it may be important to let her know you sympathise with her grief, but that the way she decided to cope was inappropriate and hurtful to you.

At the end of the day, she needs to concede that she shouldn't have gotten a permanent tattoo of her ex while engaged to someone else. There are less permanent ways to grieve...

Kay41 the Midwest
01/30/19 8:43 pm

I think it's good that you found out about this before you married. This is a HUGE red flag.

Kay41 the Midwest
01/30/19 8:44 pm

I didn't see the "who died" part of the question at first. It would still be alarming to me though and something that you both might want to see a counselor about before you marry.

EarlyBird Portland
01/30/19 8:21 pm

So you’re not engaged. The relationship is over.

01/30/19 8:29 pm

She's says it is no big deal and it is like getting a tattoo for any family member that passed. I say it is way different. If she had it when we met that is one thing but you can't be in a committed relationship with a new guy and get a tattoo for a past guy, living or not doesn't make a difference,

EarlyBird Portland
01/30/19 8:31 pm

I agree with you. She’s wrong.

Attikai Oregon
01/30/19 9:57 pm

Yeah she's wrong. You gotta move on, bro. She obviously can't.