This is not so much a poll as it is an answer to a question that I have been asked a lot lately. Many of y’all have asked about the guy I have been seeing. Long story short..he ended things this afternoon.
Just in case someone is scrolling through my polls and looking for an update
I spent about 45 minutes on the phone with David. He apologized again for his behavior and says that it won’t happen again. He admitted that as much time as we were spending on the phone that it was like we were in a relationship and that he mishandled things when he thought this other girl was the one, but he realizes that she was not and he also realizes that he really doesn’t have time or energy to spend on that sort of thing right now. We are friends and will continue to be friends and I am letting God take the lead in all aspects of my life including this one. He’s in Portland, Maine visiting his niece. I’m living my life & I am glad to not have that weirdness anymore. I’m at peace.
@BamaGirl - I’m so sorry about what you’ve been going through. It sounds as if you’ve begun to make some peace with the situation, but I know that it can still be painful for some time. I’m sorry I didn’t get here to be supportive any earlier than this; things have been a bit nutty for me for a few days.
I’m sorry that things have been nutty for you. I’m actually in a really good place. I feel like I had known this was coming and I had known my feelings have changed for a while but I didn’t want to let go of that hope. I’ve made peace with it and we’re friends.
I did see a bit of that in your comments; that’s a good thing.
Partly I’ve just been busy, with the end of my trip, getting in fairly late Monday night, and catching up at home yesterday. Then both my iThings starting acting nuts yesterday, then my laptop too. I still don’t have the laptop straightened out yet. I’ve been trying to catch up with SOH and I’ve gotten involved with some complicated polls, a couple requiring more interesting research than I can deal with right now. I’ve been texting several far-away people I seldom talk with but love dearly, while the iThings are on the fritz. I think I forgot to eat most of today, too. Tomorrow will also be wacky, and then I’ll be back to normal until Monday.
I’m exhausted just “listening” to all that! I hope things settle down soon.
For anyone who might come back here looking for an update, here you go...
I wanted to give you a quick update. David reached out today & apologized for his behavior & for hurting me. I accepted his apology and we have decided that we would like to remain friends, but just friends. I established some pretty serious boundaries for him & he has agreed to abide by them. We had a rather lengthy phone call this afternoon & had a conversation that we had been needing to have for long time.
Over the last few days, I came to grips with the fact that I was not in love with him & honestly haven’t had those kind of feelings since our California trip, but because I felt that I would kept being lead back to him, I thought that meant that there was supposed to be a romantic relationship at some point, so I was trying to force it & at the same time he was trying to force himself to fall in love with me. Anyway, we are both in a good place & have some MUCH needed closure on the romantic part of our relationship and a solid plan to move forward with a true friendship.
I’m sorry for the pain you have been through. I hope that the right person will cross your path one day. 💓
Thanks. As do I
I’m going to close this poll. But I wanted to make one last general comment before I do...I’m at peace & content.
I KNOW that this wasn’t about me & that he truly let an amazing woman get away.
I have done some reading today & will do more to help me understand why I keep trusting the wrong people.
I’m going to focus on taking care of Susan (AKA Bama).
Thank y’all so much for your love & support!!! 💜💜💜
To any newbies, THIS is why I stay here!
I’m sorry Bama, 💗
I'm a new follower, but word around SoH is that you're a very kind soul. Sorry to hear about your recent times. Pleasure to meet you, and keep your head up, girl. :)
I’m going to try to get through everyone’s comments and respond, but I wanted to add a somewhat general update. I have shed a lot of tears in the last 24 hours and I have slept a lot...in spurts.
I have not been very happy with most aspects of my life for a long time. I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut and I’m not really sure how to get out. I saw being in love as a way out...a ray of hope that things would change for the better.
I’m going to try to focus on getting into a better job situation. The hard part about that is that he was helping me with that & the phone call yesterday that ended with him breaking my heart began with us reviewing updated cover letter.
My other focus is going to be on trying to figure out why I keep trusting people who betray me. I’m not talking about just romantic partners here.
I know that this is for the best & that it’s his loss. I gave far more to the relationship that he ever did. I’m a little bit sad for him, because he will never find...
the love & happiness that he longs for, because I don’t think he will ever truly give himself to anyone and until he does he won’t get what he wants. I think I was probably his best shot at getting past his issues finding true and abiding love & he squandered it. I don’t wish him any ill.
I just need to grieve the future that I have dreamed of and find somewhere else to focus my mind.
Don't bother with men. They can't be trusted.
I have been betrayed by at least as many women as men.
In my experience overall women can be trusted.
Oh well. DTA: don't trust anybody
So sorry, Bama. Peace to you!
It is really great and says a lot about YOU that you have so many friends on SOH that care about you, love you and are there to support you. ❤️💙💚
Dear Bama Girl,
I feel your pain. It hurts. OK, now, how to take a profit from this? You have paid a lot in time, energy, & (I’m guessing) money for this experience. Please, find a way to take some profit here. Otherwise, it was completely wasted. I don’t know you so I can’t offer any suggestions other than that. That’s the one thing we all must be able to do, learn something from the experience. Even though it hurts, learn something from it. I wish you well.
When a door closed, a window will open.
Don’t regret the decision, look at the good times as fond memories.
He decided to go a different direction, his loss, you must do the same..
Have faith.. Remember, it wasn’t you as much as it was a different path for him.
Thank you. I agree with what you said and I am well aware that this is more his loss than mine. I’m just trying to figure out how my instincts were so off & not just with him.
I asked that question to my son after a breakup. How did you miss it..
He said “I didn’t get signals of any kind. More importantly, I wasn’t looking, l liked her a lot.”
I told him, that’s your answer..
you weren’t looking..it was what you wanted it to be more than what it was...
Sometimes, we just miss it..
Thank you and I agree
His loss. I’m sure it’s for the better
Thank you. I am sure that is true.
I am so deeply sorry.
Thank you 💜
I hear people lose weight more easily after break-ups.
I actually tend to gain weight when I’m stressed out because my body doesn’t process cortisol correctly.
Sorry to read of your broken heart. You don't deserve that. We all wish you peaceful mending.
I appreciate your kind words more than you know
I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you can find peace. It can be a slow process, but just know that once you feel ready to come back online, you have a wonderful, caring community here to support you.
People are different, and I'm a pretty simple person myself, but one thing always helps me feel better, and that's the knowledge that "this too, shall pass." I hope it passes quickly for you.
Thank you very much & so far I have not taken a complete break from online activity… Mostly because that’s the best way for me to connect people that I do care about me and want what’s best for me.
I’m so sorry! In time, you will find somebody better, I’m sure.
I’m so sorry, Bama. I know you had high hopes that he was THE ONE! May God comfort your heart.
Feel better soon. I know it hurts now.
Thank you. It does.
I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you.
Thank you so much
Sorry to hear that. Hope you’re doing ok.
Thanks. I’m OK in a lot of ways, but I’m definitely still grieving what could’ve been.
I'm sorry to hear.
Sorry to hear that.
Bama; it’s his loss. He’s obviously a fool.
I wish I could be there with all your SOHs friends for a group hug followed by a quick verse of Auld Lang Syne, a wake for the fool of the past & introduction to a good OL southern boy.
Clearly you deserve better.
Thank you! I don’t know if a southern boy is The answer... definitely never worked the past... dating southern boys...who knows... I completely agree that it’s his loss.
I'm sorry to hear that, Bama. You deserve better.
Thank you, org!
I’m so sorry...
Thank you so much!
Hey, I don’t know you but I just wanted to say that he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, I’m sure you’re a great intelligent person and I send you positive vibes and wish for the best 🤗💪🏼
I appreciate that
Good. Saved you the trouble. Bastard didn’t deserve you.
Sending you positive energy. You’re going to turn this around so much you won’t believe it.
I decided to do this poll, because I don’t want to answer this question 100 times over the next few months or weeks.
I’m terribly sad & disappointed & lots of other things.
I am probably going to put down my phone for the rest of the night, but if you comment I will try to respond in the next few days.