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Celadonne November 8th, 2017 3:49am

Wondering how normal this is. In our 18 years together, hub has complimented only 1 thing I've ever done - I dug up grass around a tree. He has never acknowledged a haircut, outfit, furniture, trip planning, weight loss, sex acts, nothing.

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11/10/17 6:53 pm

I think that generally speaking, men just aren’t very complimentary. It’s just not in their nature. I adore my husband, dad and sons more than life itself and they are not even remotely close to me in compliments. They are all very sweet and have great hearts, but just don’t pass out compliments a lot. I don’t think anything of it at all. Now, one in 18 years.....that to me would warrant a conversation as to why not.

PyroSadist like my comments follow
11/09/17 1:10 pm

Get better at blow jobs and you will get more compliments

Kay41 the Midwest
11/08/17 3:03 pm

Saying it is a guy thing is giving him a way out. It isn't normal. People in a relationship should compliment each other whenever they can. My husband compliments me on something quite often and vice versa.

anniepoops fear the deer
11/08/17 2:24 pm

That seems odd to me. Idk how you can go 18 years with only saying one nice thing. I also don't think it's a guy thing. I don't know how long I'd stay with someone if I didn't feel valued by them.

Jazzy5 USA
11/08/17 6:17 am

If you are pleased with what you accomplished, you don’t need his words...My husband is a genius,he does not notice things! Unless, I am not there!

ZaQ777 Pittsburgh
11/08/17 5:12 am

I think a lot of guys are like that. I know I certainly am. I hate giving and receiving most compliments.

Celadonne ballfield
11/09/17 5:40 pm

why do you hate giving them

ZaQ777 Pittsburgh
11/09/17 5:51 pm

It's so far from coming naturally to me that whenever I do, it feels incredibly forced to the point of being emotionally manipulative, so I don't. I wish I could vocalize those kinds of thoughts, but I can't. Instead, my thoughts are something to the effect of, "hmm, I really want to have sex tonight, so I better tell her she looks good," but then I feel like an asshole and just say nothing.

Uberexciter Tennessee
11/08/17 2:31 am

I'm a guy and I'm the same way. I do compliment my wife on her sex acts occasionally though. I'm not much on wanting any accolades for myself so maybe that's why I'm not really high on giving them either.

Uberexciter Tennessee
11/08/17 2:39 am

Plus, I do ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, food shopping, home repairs/remodeling, pool cleaning, yard work, and I still go to work 5 to 6 days a week. Did I mention, I also get my daughter ready for school, drop her off and pick her up. I think my wife has done it once. There is not a lot to compliment her about.

11/10/17 6:46 pm

What’s left to do? What does she do?

FacePalm That Trick Never Works
11/08/17 2:00 am

It is not a “guy” thing.

Does he show appreciation for anything you do in any manner?

If he doesn’t he is self-absorbed and probably does not deserve you.

Greenie Social Democrat
11/07/17 11:38 pm

Oh I would not be pleased with that.

Radon Parts Unknown
11/07/17 11:34 pm

Men generally focus on things that are bad/wrong. That's why everyone thinks we are pessimistic. As long as he says his thank yous everything should be fine.

lightsabr2 The Big Sky
11/07/17 11:02 pm

I try to acknowledge my wife and her contributions regularly. I dunno what to say. If it’s “a guy thing”, I missed the memo.

phalnx Ohio
11/07/17 10:10 pm

It's a guy thing, alright...we're just not naturally hardwired to throw out compliments. I was pretty sparse with them myself until I saw how much my wife liked them. It's just something we don't think about.

11/07/17 9:55 pm

You need to move on. Seriously.

historylover Navy Seawolves
11/08/17 12:32 am

Right. The guy isn't perfect, so move on. Throw away 18 years. We know nothing else about her husband. He may be a fantastic, loving person in lots of ways. Many men wouldn't notice a new hairstyle unless you shaved your head (maybe they would notice that). So what?

Celadonne ballfield
11/07/17 9:20 pm

actually now that I've Googled it, turns out it's actually pretty common

gonzoboy Northern AZ
11/08/17 4:42 am

That does NOT make it right. Google’s 'normal', extrapolated from a sea of weirdo’s, does not make this YOUR normal. You have value; you have merit; you are relevant; and you ARE WORTHY OF APPRECIATION. Can there be a simpler act of appreciation, than a compliment? ONCE in 18 years?! Clearly, SOMEthing is working for you, SOME redeeming value, or there wouldn’t be an 18th year. I’m curious about something. You did not mention food. In these 18 years, has he never complimented one thing you've prepared for him? Maybe something you forgot about? I’m really tryin’ here Celadonne, ‘cuz I’m having a hard time believing this...

Celadonne ballfield
11/08/17 6:59 pm

good question. he does not like most things I make, mostly because I prepare healthy things, and he's just not interested in health. when he does like something, he makes sure to tell me. this was happening about 3 times a year, but I stopped cooking for him last year when he started telling me he'd just make his own food (fried salty food, no vegetables).

anyway. one time, he told me my new underwear was sexy. I forgot about that. but that and the tree thing are it.

he's otherwise very ok. loyal, nonargumentative, remembers my birthday, says "i love you," asks me if I need anything at the store if he's stopping. he's just not wired to pay compliments, i guess, like the other guys who commented above...

gonzoboy Northern AZ
11/10/17 8:16 am

Okay. Thank you for being open and candid. I got a bit caught up in my indignation over ANYone who could be involved in an 18-year marriage, who’s virtually never expressed appreciation. For anything. It simply doesn’t register with me. Perhaps that’s MY issue, and I don’t mean to be ‘judgey’. I see now that there is indeed redeeming value, as you’ve enumerated. Dear Celadonne, if you’re happy, I’m happy! Happy Friday!
And if I may say so, I like your name!🙂