Wondering how normal this is. In our 18 years together, hub has complimented only 1 thing I've ever done - I dug up grass around a tree. He has never acknowledged a haircut, outfit, furniture, trip planning, weight loss, sex acts, nothing.
I think that generally speaking, men just aren’t very complimentary. It’s just not in their nature. I adore my husband, dad and sons more than life itself and they are not even remotely close to me in compliments. They are all very sweet and have great hearts, but just don’t pass out compliments a lot. I don’t think anything of it at all. Now, one in 18 years.....that to me would warrant a conversation as to why not.
Saying it is a guy thing is giving him a way out. It isn't normal. People in a relationship should compliment each other whenever they can. My husband compliments me on something quite often and vice versa.
That seems odd to me. Idk how you can go 18 years with only saying one nice thing. I also don't think it's a guy thing. I don't know how long I'd stay with someone if I didn't feel valued by them.
It's so far from coming naturally to me that whenever I do, it feels incredibly forced to the point of being emotionally manipulative, so I don't. I wish I could vocalize those kinds of thoughts, but I can't. Instead, my thoughts are something to the effect of, "hmm, I really want to have sex tonight, so I better tell her she looks good," but then I feel like an asshole and just say nothing.
I'm a guy and I'm the same way. I do compliment my wife on her sex acts occasionally though. I'm not much on wanting any accolades for myself so maybe that's why I'm not really high on giving them either.
Plus, I do ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, food shopping, home repairs/remodeling, pool cleaning, yard work, and I still go to work 5 to 6 days a week. Did I mention, I also get my daughter ready for school, drop her off and pick her up. I think my wife has done it once. There is not a lot to compliment her about.
Men generally focus on things that are bad/wrong. That's why everyone thinks we are pessimistic. As long as he says his thank yous everything should be fine.
It's a guy thing, alright...we're just not naturally hardwired to throw out compliments. I was pretty sparse with them myself until I saw how much my wife liked them. It's just something we don't think about.
Right. The guy isn't perfect, so move on. Throw away 18 years. We know nothing else about her husband. He may be a fantastic, loving person in lots of ways. Many men wouldn't notice a new hairstyle unless you shaved your head (maybe they would notice that). So what?
That does NOT make it right. Google’s 'normal', extrapolated from a sea of weirdo’s, does not make this YOUR normal. You have value; you have merit; you are relevant; and you ARE WORTHY OF APPRECIATION. Can there be a simpler act of appreciation, than a compliment? ONCE in 18 years?! Clearly, SOMEthing is working for you, SOME redeeming value, or there wouldn’t be an 18th year. I’m curious about something. You did not mention food. In these 18 years, has he never complimented one thing you've prepared for him? Maybe something you forgot about? I’m really tryin’ here Celadonne, ‘cuz I’m having a hard time believing this...
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good question. he does not like most things I make, mostly because I prepare healthy things, and he's just not interested in health. when he does like something, he makes sure to tell me. this was happening about 3 times a year, but I stopped cooking for him last year when he started telling me he'd just make his own food (fried salty food, no vegetables).
anyway. one time, he told me my new underwear was sexy. I forgot about that. but that and the tree thing are it.
he's otherwise very ok. loyal, nonargumentative, remembers my birthday, says "i love you," asks me if I need anything at the store if he's stopping. he's just not wired to pay compliments, i guess, like the other guys who commented above...
Okay. Thank you for being open and candid. I got a bit caught up in my indignation over ANYone who could be involved in an 18-year marriage, who’s virtually never expressed appreciation. For anything. It simply doesn’t register with me. Perhaps that’s MY issue, and I don’t mean to be ‘judgey’. I see now that there is indeed redeeming value, as you’ve enumerated. Dear Celadonne, if you’re happy, I’m happy! Happy Friday!
And if I may say so, I like your name!🙂
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