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Praetorianus November 4th, 2017 10:18pm

A middle aged/older man still attracted to "young things" (twentyish) often has a bad rep ("dirty old man") (but may be envied if successful) while a woman like that is a "cougar" with no negative connotations. This distinction is..

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Louderthebetter
11/05/17 9:47 am

Cougar is misused as well, men are threatened and have the need to “label” us sexual gals to feel better about themselves.
Don’t show up the cock, you might just bruise it’s little ego🙄

Louderthebetter
11/05/17 9:43 am

Double standard.
A woman being attracted to a younger man, is well, smart.
As per physiology.
An older man can’t keep up with a woman, sexually speaking. Hence all the Viagra commercials.
Face it boys. We get better and you lose your boners🤷🏻‍♀️
Sorry.

FacePalm That Trick Never Works
11/04/17 10:31 pm

That distinction would be discriminatory, but as a woman I have never found “cougar” to be complimentary or intended as complimentary in any way.

There is a perception, not unreasonable, that an older man can exert power both physical and mental/emotional over a much younger woman thereby controlling her in all sorts of unhealthy ways. Otherwise he is infirm and stupid to be taken advantage of by some greedy young thing.

Older women are often portrayed as desperate, needy, and grasping: effectively setting themselves up for abuse, fraud, etc when involved with a much younger man. That is changing somewhat and more often she is powerful, arrogant and controlling.

I do not believe that either is viewed in a positive light.

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elflapoguzman los angeles
11/04/17 10:18 pm

first of all, cougar has a negative connotation, and second of all, they would both be viewed negatively by society because the relationships are completely inappropriate. big age gaps are generally harmful to the much younger person and the older person, regardless of gender, is acting in a predatory manner by virtue of their involvement. period.

Praetorianus Fair enough.
11/05/17 6:05 am

Or the younger one is the predator, preying on the needy older person, hoping for big bucks and a good lifestyle, maybe an inheritance soon.
Predation isn't a one sided thing.

emraldYE Lancaster County, PA
11/05/17 8:24 am

Interesting how you have replied to others but not me.

elflapoguzman los angeles
11/07/17 12:36 am

i think that by virtue of the fact that the younger person lacks life experience and the ability to understand the consequences of a relationship of this type they inherently lack the ability to be the predator in the relationship, with the exception, possibly, that you mentioned, of someone who is out for nothing more than financial gain and has no real interest in or genuine feelings for their partner.

emraldYE Lancaster County, PA
11/04/17 6:55 pm

Dude, it's the complete opposite. Notice there isn't even slang for old man-young woman!

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emraldYE Lancaster County, PA
11/04/17 6:57 pm

If old man-young woman was so hated, why is it so common in Hollywood and film? Why are there so many age gaps?

emraldYE Lancaster County, PA
11/05/17 6:30 pm

Ok, Sugar Daddy I'll take. But it doesn't really have a negative connotation.

fmm Philadelphia suburb
11/04/17 6:18 pm

you really think ‘cougar’ has no negative connotation? i wouldn’t agree with that.

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susanr Colorado
11/04/17 5:39 pm

I disagree with the premise of the poll; specifically that there are no negative connotations if the older person is a woman. I've seen plenty of mocking, disparaging, *very* negative comments about such women. (Therefore neither of the answer options were reasonable for me; I had to vote randomly in order to comment.)

You suggest that there may be negative thinking about the older man; but sometimes positive if he is "successful." I wonder if it is *mostly* women who view the older men negatively and *mostly* men who view the older women negatively. I suspect so, but I don't know for sure. I also suspect that the exact opposite is true for the sex that views "success" more positively but again I don't know for sure.

In both situations, I doubt that "success" changes anyone's judgement (or at least not very many); I think it's just different kinds of people having different opinions and sticking with them, whether the older person is "successful" or not.

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Praetorianus Fair enough.
11/04/17 5:55 pm

Darnit, I definitely should have left out the success issue...

CrzyChica
11/04/17 5:21 pm

There are many double standard that exist. For instance, a man who sleeps with many women is considered a stud with a positive connotation, a woman who sleeps with many men is considered a slut with a negative connotation. I disagree that there is no negative connotation at all for women who are "cougars." I still see them in a negative light.

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Praetorianus Fair enough.
11/04/17 5:26 pm

But your point is about promiscuity, and this has probably genetic origins: to pass on his genes, a man "should" impregnate as many women he can while a woman should choose a good provider from her suitors.

CrzyChica
11/04/17 5:44 pm

Sorry. I find all of this talk of promiscuity being genetic bull crap. Sorry, but if a 70 year old man goes after a 20 year old girl, it's creepy.

Liberty Lets Use Logic
11/04/17 4:20 pm

Neither, but it is a double standard.

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Praetorianus Fair enough.
11/04/17 4:39 pm

Yes, that's the better expression.

swervin Maryland
11/04/17 3:36 pm

Men tend to look better as they age, up to a certain point. Women are usually the opposite.

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susanr Colorado
11/04/17 5:39 pm

I have to disagree with that.

swervin Maryland
11/04/17 5:47 pm

Can you name some women who have become more attractive as they have aged?

susanr Colorado
11/04/17 5:52 pm

I could name plenty, but I'm sure quite a few people would disagree with me that they got more attractive. (Maybe "more beautiful" would be a better phrase... I think beauty has different connotations than attractiveness, and includes many other aspects besides, well, maybe just sexiness or something less multidimensional like that.)

I was disagreeing about the *disparity* between what happens to the sexes as they age, actually. I think they *both* can, at least, become more attractive, er, beautiful.

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swervin Maryland
11/04/17 6:00 pm

There is a reason why they sell hair dye for men that turns their hair salt and pepper. That would never sell for women. Just look at sexist man alive vs most beautiful people. Men are around 40 or even 50's while women are 30's mostly.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_(magazine)

susanr Colorado
11/04/17 6:07 pm

Yeah, we're probably talking about different things. I'm not talking about the "sexiest" anything. I'm talking about people who are beautiful as they age with wrinkles and grey hair.

It's probably more about elusive elements like vitality, "spirit," etc. than anything else.

Praetorianus Fair enough.
11/04/17 3:21 pm

I don't think it's justified unless accompanied by lewd behavior.
Actually, if a straight relationship is sought, it makes sense from a reproductive angle: a man is fertile into old age, a woman is not.

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