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dramaschick July 20th, 2013 1:28pm

About once a month my children decide that they don't want to clean their rooms.I tell them they can have their food when their room is clean. I feel like it shows them they're in power of their own fate. Is this a cruel or smart punishment?

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bman4jets
07/21/13 12:12 pm

My dad always says. Thou shall not work, thou shall not eat!

kateXcore Dark side of the moon
07/21/13 11:37 am

That depends...would you let them not eat for days? Cruel. Hours? Smart.

JanuaryLove
07/20/13 9:04 pm

Hmm. I often withhold other privileges until after my kids have eaten their suppers. They often skip both supper & the privilege in favor of going to bed hungry. We have at least two, and sometimes three, kids with serious eating issues.

JanuaryLove
07/20/13 9:05 pm

They don't act like they understand that they truly are responsible for not being able to participate in the privilege. They tend to act like I am a mean parent who won't give them what they want.

JanuaryLove
07/20/13 9:06 pm

Basically, I am jealous that you are able to use food as a motivator. And I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing.

saylor NC
07/20/13 7:07 pm

I wouldn't use food. Maybe toys? Outside play time?

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bMyComrade Stumptown
07/20/13 4:18 pm

My mom came in with a black garbage bag and took everything not in the correct place (ie on the floor) - I learned a lesson fast.

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TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/20/13 3:04 pm

You made me laugh. When my son Joel was 11 or 12. Maybe younger I told him he had a clean his room he absolutely refused. I said okay no dinner. He put his hands on his hips and he told me that he was going to call children's services if I

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TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/20/13 3:05 pm

did not feed him. After the smoke they came out of my ears cleared out of the room. I called children services on me. After asking me if you questions she told me I did not have to give him dinner that night. I called Joel downstairs and told him

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/20/13 3:05 pm

What the worker said. His mouth absolutely dropped open. It was one of those touchdown moments of parenthood. Stick to your guns baby!

prterri
07/20/13 11:10 am

I think it's totally ok, and it teaches real world lessons. If you don't do your work, you don't eat. It's their choice wether to eat or not, and I don't think you're going to starve them to death. The work has a reward, no work has a consequence.

prterri
07/20/13 11:12 am

My parents occasionally sent me to bed without dinner when I MADE THE CHOICE not to do as I was told. I was fully aware that it was a choice I made--not a punishment. I learned that sometimes you have to do things you don't like to get what you need.

prterri
07/20/13 11:14 am

Some day your kids' employers will silently thank you for raising them this way. I deal with a lot of employees who's parents didn't teach them that you have to actually do a job to get the rewards.

ebailey1218 Over The Rainbow
07/20/13 8:06 am

Food is a basic human need, it should not be used as punishment. My sister did the same thing with her kids & her 11 year old daughter started binge eating because she was afraid she wouldn't get to eat. My nieces therapist said "absolutely not"

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dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 8:16 am

I think there are extremes in every form of punishment. They don't need to be punished their choosing to be

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/20/13 8:23 am

I feel the same, and never punish with food. I would use something else they like, mine is electronics

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 9:12 am

I think we see this differently because its not like they drew on the wall and I said "oh you messed that up you can't eat" that is a punishment using food. In this case I am saying when you get done with your chore you can have your dinner

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 9:12 am

They are in control 100%. Which is why one kid is done with her mess and the others are choosing not to be.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/20/13 9:23 am

I agree totally with the approach, just not what you're withholding. I don't think you're cruel in the slightest, nor am I positive I'm right. Take what all of us say and decide what is best, that's the best any of us can do

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 9:28 am

At this point thus far I am pot committed so I can't stop in the middle

dreamitliveit IDLH
07/20/13 10:44 am

I'm with ebailey and justbob. Basic human needs (food, shelter, affection, etc) should never be used as a reward or punishment. If you're already in the middle of this punishment, maybe offer to help them clean so they can eat sooner? If you pick...

dreamitliveit IDLH
07/20/13 10:46 am

...up a toy and hand it to your child, they will probably put it away. If that doesn't work, follow up with "where does this toy belong?" Sometimes kids legitimately just need some help getting started...but don't we all? :)

Doopy Remedial Americanism
07/20/13 7:34 am

Neither cruel, nor unusual. My parents would do the same thing.

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trollthepoll Pro Choice
07/20/13 7:27 am

It seems fair. I won't let my child eat in his toom

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
07/20/13 7:12 am

Not cruel or unusual. It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

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swjboucher Just Run
07/20/13 6:37 am

I used a similar tactic back when kids wanted to be outside with their friend, cleaning came first.

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Rob Be Safe Be Smart
07/20/13 6:35 am

Most kids never want to clean their room. I think you mean once a month you tell them to clean their rooms and they say no.. I've found giving them a chance to earn a reward is more efficient than threatening with a punishment.

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dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 6:52 am

No. The have to clean their rooms a couple times a week. But about once a month they say no.

Rob Be Safe Be Smart
07/20/13 8:12 am

There are more than a couple if them, isn't there? Are they unionizing? They must be plotting against you if they all agree with each other to revolt against you at once..

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 8:14 am

It was all three of them. But I broke one of them down

Mooo42Q Thats Nucking Futs
07/20/13 6:30 am

Thats how the real world works!
You dont work, you dont make money to put food on the table.
Well done mama!

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dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 6:29 am

Every time we go thru this they repeat back to me "if I don't clean I don't eat" they usual make it about a day. But they are getting stronger and lasting longer. I had one break down and finish her work yesterday, but the other two are not budging

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Mooo42Q Thats Nucking Futs
07/20/13 6:31 am

They'll learn. Everything takes time, and being consistent! If you break before they do, then they've won.

Kris Humidity Central
07/20/13 6:29 am

I've not eaten for 3 days when my mom pulled this :D they locked the fridge and pantry and everything.

I miss those days. But yeah, it's a good punishment that gives them control of their own outcome.

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dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 6:30 am

That's what I think. But my dad thinks they are gaining too much control. But if I give in they win.

Kris Humidity Central
07/20/13 6:32 am

Bake a cake, a really good one. Then slowly eat it in front of them with exaggerated "mmm, this is soooooo delicious" commentary, make sure to emphasize how sweet the frosting is.

They'll have their rooms spotless in no time. Cookies work too.

Mooo42Q Thats Nucking Futs
07/20/13 6:33 am

Yup. In a way, you make them think they have control. If you actually give them control, they'll milk it for all its worth.

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 6:55 am

Kris. Last time we took them to the donut shop and let them pick out their donuts when we got home it took 4 minutes to clean to spotless

dramaschick All ways in my head
07/20/13 5:03 pm

Happy to report I have clean rooms and fed kids