Show of Hands

That's heavy. So what is it you really are?

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Asexual?

Thanks for sharing!

I'm not trying to be rude or put you down. This is a genuine question. Why do your parents even know about your bdsm side? I fully understand telling them you are gay. I think that part is important and it's important that they accept you for who you are. But, why would you want to tell them and why would they want to know about the bdsm?

I am still ashamed of being gay. In my mind, there was no upside to it. If I had to say what being gay changed about my life, I'd only say "I have primarily male friends" or something small. In my mind there is a bubble of implications (not stereotypes) about being gay, and I don't follow them. My bdsm side is something that I personally identified with at my core. I never felt that there was a box of perceptions within the community (aside from things that would probably get you arrested if ignored). I fully identified with my interests in bdsm and wanted acceptance from my parents. When I dropped hints at both, I should have expected the outcome, but I never realized the non-greatness that was rejection of your sexual preferences. I eventually realized how much I wanted acceptance when I thought about how much I thought about telling them that I was into bdsm, and not that I was gay.

I understand what you are saying. I don't know how old you are, but it is really important for you to start accepting who you are. There is nothing shameful about being gay. I do think it makes for a harder life with others not being always accepting of you. But, you have to be true to yourself. My fear for you is that you will spend too much of your life denying who you really are instead of embracing it and living your life to be happy. I'm not gay so I obviously can't completely understand what you are going through. But, I know acceptance of self is necessary to be truly happy. I would suggest seeing a counselor to help you work through these emotions. You deserve to be free to be you!

And, I'm sorry if I got too personal. I wasn't trying to be nosy.

I'm well aware my sexuality isn't something I can control but, it's just the implications of being in the box don't fit me nearly as much as other boxes do. I don't think there should be an issue with being gay (stds and availability issues aside). I can't expect people to accept me, but it's my parents of all people. It's not that I am denying who I am, I just don't really like it.
"I'm not gay so I obviously can't completely understand what you are going through. " it's not really about being gay, it's what is implied with it. It's the "well he's more likely to be a slut" (which can be substantiated), it's the "oh that should make him more liberal" (which can be substantiated) and just little things like that which I see NONE of myself in.

All in all however, it has dawned on me that I pay next to no attention to my mental health. I'd personally first go to some general psychological check up, but I'll consider the counselor at a later date. Thank you for the kind words.