Do you consider "spanking" to be an acceptable form of punishment?
In my life yea
Never got spanked,, got beating.. So nope never spanked my kids.. Believe it or not.. My son asked me for a spanking hated time outs
As a kid I didn't get many spankings, maybe 4-5 in my whole childhood. The threat of one was enough to make me listen and do as my mom said. They were not beatings, it was a swat on the behind and that was it.
And of course she mostly used words or if she yelled my full name...that was the worse. One time while sternly saying my full name her voice faltered and it made me laugh, she wasn't amused.
I thank my mom for the way she raised me.
I am not a big fan of the saying, "Use your words". Instead of babying the future generation, make them tough. If they do wrong, there is going to be consequences.
Yes, but as a last resort.
I would never do it with any sort of regularity, but there are occasions when it is acceptable and deserved. And they are grown now, and they say they were raised fairly and well. They are both good people.
Sure it is acceptable. If my parents didn't spank me, I would be a beast off the chain.
None of my business how people parent their kids.
If it's worse than spanking and I'd see a neighbor's kid with suspicious bruises all the time and hear shouts and screams I GUARANTEE you I'd MAKE it my business!
There is a difference between punishment and abuse.
I know, but only a few decades back corporal punishment with implements like belt and paddle that could leave bruises were accepted.
There are surely still parents out there who don't see this as abuse.
I'm not even going to scroll down, and I'll try to not get all hot under the collar. If you want to smack your 16 year old for saying or doing something rude, that's one thing. But to inflict pain on a child instead if using your words is barbaric.
I'm generally against spanking but would think the other way round.
A 16 y/o understands alternative punishment like grounding or a revoked allowance, a toddler not so much.
If a toddler tries to run into traffic, you grab him and firmly say NO!
If he's 16 he'll just never get a car or be allowed to use yours.
Smacking a person that age is no better than beating your spouse.
When I was young, my parents would explain what I did wrong, why I was getting spanked, then afterwards I always got hugs and they would tell me they loved me and didn't like spanking me, but I had to learn. It wasn't just barbaric thrashing.
You don't spank a child for running into traffic. You spank a child who's openly defying you after you've tried words and that didn't work. And you don't do it hard enough to truly hurt them.
No..no .. No.. This is what I don't understand about this topic. Everyone refers to what their parents did, or how it was for them. Things change. Methods change. You used to tell your child they were bad when they did something wrong...
But what you do in 2013 is tell them "that is what bad boys do, and you're not a bad boy, are you?" ... Sure it takes more effort, do doing anything proper will require more effort than just tanning a kids hide.
@Rob, What you're describing is passive parenting where the end result is that the kid runs the house as much as he wants.
I run my house, not my kids.
I wonder if there is a link between the lessening of spanking and the increase In The pussification of society. I was spanked as a child and most of the time I deserved it when I got it. I am also not aggressive as some have suggested.
Idk.. But there probably is a correlation for those that hit their kids and not being smart enough to use Any other tactic than violence.
That's a stupid assumption. My parents were smart enough to use all the various disciplinary methods at their disposal. Parents who spank are parents who care.
It's not violent when it's done right. Never spank a child while you're angry.
It's also not effective for all kids. So use the punishment methods that work. Even if it does work, that doesn't mean it should be the only discipline method used.
And it's not an assumption.
Regardless whether you think it's stupid or not.
It IS violent to the kid, no matter how its done.
"But there probably is a correlation for those that hit their kids and not being smart enough to use Any other tactic than violence."
It's an ignorant assumption to say that someone is a dumbass because they choose to discipline by spanking.
As a last resort, it can work. But especially if it is used as a means to vent the parent's displeasure or anger, it can easily become a big problem.
I would never inflict pain on a child.
What if say the child fell in the dirt and scraped his knee. And in order to clean it out before bandaging it up, you had to inflict some additional temporary pain?
Was pain inflicted on you as a child?
Indeed it was. But we know that there's a difference between the action and the intention. The intention was not to inflict pain, but to discipline.
Children who are punished with physical punishment grow up to be more aggressive - that's what studies show. If you want to raise an aggressive adult - then spanking is fine
I do want to ingrain some aggression in my kids. Aggressive kids, if channeled properly, become assertive adults. And assertive adults become leaders, entrepreneurs, and statesmen.
Yes, and I with they'd let constituents administer it to their elected officials when they do wrong...
These comments are turning my stomach. So sad :/
Even mine? ):
Bend over and take your spanking Kermie!
I couldn't even make it that far, Mr L. I agree with everything you said. The problem with this discussion (and most discussions on this app, actually) is that people ignore actual evidence and data in favor of their own individual experience.
*sigh* isn't it like that with most arguments?
Anecdotal evidence is fair game when making a personal decision. Also, what you call "actual evidence" is itself suspect in today's world. For instance, on most issues there are "studies" that support opposite conclusions.
There are polling groups that develop custom poll data designed to support a position on an issue. There is "democrat" evidence and there is "Republican" evidence. Anecdotal evidence, especially if it's logical, can be very good evidence.
If you believe that personal anecdote is reliable and is a good basis for your life decisions, Okie, then, well... I guess I understand why you're so wrong about so many things. But more power to you.
There's a huge difference between polling and scientific studies. If you know of *any* scientific studies that show any positive benefits from spanking I'd love to see them. The truth is, on this issue, as with most, the science is clear.
When the science is clear it's irrelevant to me what my own personal experience or "logic" might be because I know my brain is often irrational and unreliable.
You would believe a "scientific study?" Wouldn't just develop a reason to throw it out?
I believe the preponderance of evidence from studies with appropriate research methods. If you provide me with a study, and particularly multiple studies, with solid methods, then yes, you could change my mind about many things.
Let's get physical....physical!
Yes, but only with some kids. My daughter responded well to a stern voice and getting privileges taken away, and she was never spanked, but my stepsons were a completely different story...
It depends on the child. It's okay if you can spank a child without any anger at all.
And you explain why you did it.
No, no, no. For all kinds of reasons.
There's a difference between a spank and beating the poor child.... It's really not very different from slapping your kids hand when they touch something they aren't supposed to
Exactly. Spanking may, at times, be warranted. Beating is never warranted.
This is exactly how I see it. A light smack is okay, I think, but definitely not beating.
I got spanked when I was a kid. Would never do whatever I did again.
It's not effective for much.
It can be if you do it right.
Did your mama spank you?
Absolutely! Not nearly as much as I deserved, but enough to set me straight.
Absolutely! It should be administered to the derrière, with both firmness and restraint. It should not be done out of frustration, or in the midst of anger, but as a predictable and measured punishment for a known offense.
I'm a firm believer in assigning a certain number of 'swats' to certain types of offenses.
Assigning swats does two things: 1. It gives kids definite behavioral standards, and definite consequences for violations of the standard.
2. It places a pre-defined limit on the parent do that they cannot (unknowingly) lose control and go from spanking the child to beating the child.
Pinky - what kinds of thing do you spank for? Not cleaning their rooms? Bringing home a "C" on report card? Not brushing teeth?
My mom did the opposite. She said if I did whatever it was, I would "suffer the consequences" and that was it. She wouldn't tell me what the consequences were, so I could never decide if misbehaving was worth it or not. Worked like a charm!
That's a pretty interesting approach your mom had! I've never thought of it that way
@Earlybird, I'm speaking more from my childhood, as my daughter is both young and well-behaved.
But spanking, for us as parents, is primarily reserved for intentional acts of defiance.
Simple mistakes receive correction, disobedience receives time-outs, defiance receives a spanking.
In the battle of wills, my wife and I, as the parents, are determined that WE will win every single time.
As they get older, they can earn increasing amounts of independence.
But while they're little, I am master, commander, and dictator-in-chief.
Whoop em! Whoop em good, ma!!
Spanking and hurting a child are two different things. One is acceptable, and one (the latter) is not acceptable.
Well said cornbread.
I would also add if your spanking because your angry you are in the wrong.
Calm down and act on the situation not react.
Yeah, never do it out of anger. Bad idea. And always explain to the child why they're getting spanked.
Only for the parent in almost all situations.
Yes, but only over the knees in a controlled not too hard way. It's meant to send a message and teach accountability. I was physically beaten with anything from a belt to an extension cord to sticks. I am proud to say, that I broke the pattern.
I'm happy to hear you don't parent the way your parents did.
same here, and I do not do the same to my child because I know what it did to me.
Yes till a certain age. Didn't do me any harm and I respect my elders.
Yeah, I'd say you turned out ok :-D
I was spanked my entire childhood. Never once did I feel I was being abused. And it definitely kept me in line.
It doesn't work on my daughter that's for sure. Time out does no problem with a good spanking from time to time.
It is funny how that works.
I have a daughter that a stern look will get a better result then being spanked.
Another daughter that won't even listen until she is spanked.
My daughter has the family temper and pain tolerance it's like fighting against the current.
No, it is not an acceptable form of punishment; although, I do not believe spanking is so harmful to children that it ought to be banned.
Then you do believe it is an acceptable form of punishment. You just choose not to use it.
It just teaches kids that hitting is okay. If you are allowed to hit people when you are mad at them, then shouldn't they be allowed to hit people too?
No it doesn't. I was spanked and hurting you is the last thing I want to do, but it is on my list.
You shouldn't spank when you're mad. You spank when necessary to teach.
I agree ocean. The only time i've spanked my sons butt is when he's run into traffic. It worked the first time. So far, time out works best for him.
My parents spanked me & it didn't work.
I don't mean to offend a stone or judge anyone's parenting. I just don't think that it is the best way to discipline. Neither of my parents ever spanked me and my siblings and I never really broke the rules.
It's also a form of.... well.... You know.
I don't know what you're talking about. Can you be specific and graphic please? :-)
pictures would help as well
Not my style.
Tilt is a gentleman ;-))
I'll gladly tell you what "style" I prefer ;) .... j/k j/k
Ooo... sassy cass! ;-)
Cass has come out of her shell. She's been a prominent poster lately.
I match cass 64%. That's the highest I've ever found!
So there's a 64% chance that cass has a crush on me?
Birds of a feather stick together EB ;)
Cass and I go way back. You should follow her, she's great.
Yes okie! Lolol!
How far back? I claim her to be my girl!
When I first joined SoH.
I'm trying to build-up my harem right now. Can I have cass?
Ohhh Okie, I've always crushed on you! Do you remember when I changed my screen name to "I love Okie" for a spell?HaHa!! You 3 happen to be in my top 10 list of favs :) Vacation has allowed some much needed downtime and I'm glad to spend it with you!
I remember now. That was awesome, and a long time ago. Thank you again. :-)
Tilton, she's never changed her name to "I love Tilton," has she?
Ooooo Okie!! You fight dirty!!!
I don't think it's particularly effective, or even really ever necessary, but it's not my kid. As long as it's a spanking and not a beating, it's acceptable.
EB. Are you talking about wives or children? He he. :-)
Just not at the same time. Or for the same reasons.
Spanking was in quotes so I figured it left open the door for a little "love spanking."
That was my first thought
Nice to be part of the majority on this one.
Yes. It should be used sparingly though.
Garrrrr, why is the blue button "no" and the red button "yes?" It's all backwards!
That annoys me so much too! GRRR
Because republicans are red and more likely to vote yes?
Earlybird has it right, mostly liberals are the ones against spanking
It's just so...wrong. The affirmative answer should always be the brighter, more welcoming color. Sorry, it's just my OCD talking.
Ohh, I see what you're talking about.
I was spanked, didn't turn out bad. I contradict all of those studies that say spanking is bad.
Double ditto :)
In a.walking contradiction too. :-)
Grrrrrr. "I'm a walking ......"
It doesn't count when you're wearing buttless chaps okie.
Snap! Who do think I am? Jimiscott?
Oh dear lord!! The mental image of Okies glowing white arse cheeks are burned into my head!!!
They would be blinding for sure.
I hope you shave your ass hair.
We raised four wonderful children and never once laid a hand on them as punishment or in anger.
Are they all in the same prison or is it difficult to visit them?
All four are extraordinarily kind people. Violence was never acceptable in our home. We never allowed our children to physically fight with each other, not even once. Our oldest in a Iraq war veteran (Semper FI!) and now employed in....
...software, our daughter is married with a beautiful baby boy and is in banking, and the twin boys are just killing it right now down in the Silicon Valley. One is a principle in a startup that just got its second round of VC funding and the other..
...now works for Microsoft after the small company that he worked for was purchased by them last year for 1.2 billion dollars. He has since been promoted twice! Three of my four kids make more than I do right now and none of them went to college!
So yes, it is possible to raise kind, intelligent, gentle, responsible children with spanking them.
Without! Without spanking them!
Thank you. I didn't mean to brag, but I am just really proud of them.
Moonshot - I'll bet you are very proud. You did some great parenting.
Absolutely. I've used many types of punishment raising my daughters. I've spanked them and have ZERO regrets. This happened very infrequently. However, they NEVER once "committed the crime" they were spanked for again.
There is scientific research which shows the negative effects which spanking has on children when used as a form of punishment.
I wouldn't spank my child. There are many equally effective methods of correction.
Now as for me...
A few links: psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/16/why-shouldnt-you-spank-your-kids-heres-9-reasons/
MrL, to quote the part about self esteem:
"When children are hit by the very people who are supposed to protect them, it causes a child to question, “What’s wrong with me?”"
I never remember thinking it like that. I always thought "what did I do to
deserve this?" And I was always told why I was spanked. It was very effective.
Another consideration is that it undermines the parent's legitimacy. Like "when I hit my brother because he took something I was using, it's bad. So when you hit me because I took something he was using, it should also be bad". Consistency is key.
Personally, I see no need for it. It promotes abuse, in my opinion. There is never a reason to harm your child - whether you are doing it in a "loving" manner or not. Using words and other forms of punishment are equally as effective.
No, because it isn't correct for the child to hit another, as try are not in a position of authority to punish. That is one thing that needs to be clear to the child.
MrL - totally with you. my kids do something bad, they're made to think about it first. taking away privileges works wonders done in the right way. if they hit each other, timeout on the couch and hold hands. hitting others - ignored for two minutes
it's worked very well and the kiddos know where the line is without seeing hitting as a solution. I'm not condemning or condoning either - just not my thing.
It makes sense kris, but I'm not sure if kids will get that. I don't know, I feel like if my parents did I would've just been like "wow I can't believe I actually got them mad enough" like I succeeded in pushing their buttons. But if they did it all
the time that would be a different matter...
I understood the whole I couldn't hit others thing. My mother would spank us sparingly. When visiting my father he'd beat us. I learned pretty fast the difference between discipline and abuse. I respected my mother for not taking it too far.
And that doesn't make it right.
I learned everything I should and shouldn't do, by my parents using reason and speech... Not brute force and intimidation. It's completely unnecessary, in my opinion.
I'm sorry kris. This makes me think it depends on the kid. Like some will be able to understand that and some won't.
And MrL there's verbal abuse as well. Like name calling, which is not ok. I wouldn't equate name calling to spanking...
Sometimes you need brute force and intimidation.
I was a screaming hellian banshee as a child. I gave my mother every challenge in the book. I know I deserved what I got, because I was EXTREMELY defiant.
Not only acceptable, but sometimes necessary
Yeah I totally approve. It quickly shows the child who is in charge.
I always ask to get spanked when I'm naughty...
You meant the kids didn't you...
Kids or spouses... either one :-)
Spank the hell out of the heathens.
I was fortunate in that I never had to spank my two kids.
Okay, fortunate you never had to. Does that mean you would have if needed?
Kris - hard to answer because I never needed to. I always found other ways.
I don't think I could personally hit spank my kids, but when used correctly, I think it can be effective
Were you spanked?
Yes and I think i turned out ok
I agree em, I agree :)
Thanks EB :)