How do you personally deal with the death of a close loved one?
I have a very strong faith. I believe we go to Heaven when we die and that we will all be together again one day.
25 to life in ADX Florence.
I've been lucky not to loose someone close to me yet. I think about it from time to time. My parents are getting older. I don't know how I will handle it.
Still figuring that out.
Losing my dog three years ago was probably one of the most traumatizing events in my life. Died in my arms. After that, I missed work, didn't eat or sleep, was angry with everyone. I didn't know what to do.
Keep your friends close and confide in
in them. Your family and loved ones will be there for you too. The best thing that helped me was time, however I still feel sadness even now after talking about it.
Just give it time.
I believe our pets go to Heaven, too. I just do.
Time is supposed to be best I guess, and we all have own own escapes, but it's not a situation I've been in so I really don't know for sure.
Dan, are you okay? Have you recently lost someone close to you?
I was around a lot of death early and learned that its truly part of life. Nobody lives forever. Life goes on.
Music and video games.
Be open w/feelings +\-, talk about them w/others as much as possible, attend funeral if possible. Critical to have a moment to personal "say goodbye" & see they are "no longer home"; hold own "memorial" if nothing else.
Write letters to them, as necessary, to say *anything* left unsaid & honor the impact they've had in your life by listing the ways they've helped you grow as a person.
Consider taking a hands-on grief course &/or find a good book on subject. Accept that it just simply takes time to "be okay" but that time alone does *not* "heal all wounds." What you *do* w/time determines measure of healing.
This. Ask people who have been through loss what kinds of things helped them & what resources they can recommend to effectively work through it. Grieving *will* happen. Sometimes it starts immediately. For some, it "hits" them later. Next year, later
Excellent advice, eliana. My MIL recently passed away, but she had terminal cancer and so we had time to mentally prepare by having conversations with her & spending time with her while she was alive. That made the process easier in many ways.
Sadly, I have *lots* of experience w/grief. Daddy passed when I was 4.5. We were "too close" & passing sudden. Was SO poorly, but in ways common toward children @ time. Consequently, I had *no* capacity to deal w/loss.
Made it a mission @ 21 to find out what I needed to do to work thru that loss, learn all I could about grief process, & help anyone I could so they wouldn't get "stuck" like I'd been! Lost many sense & am able to honor them & work thru my loss now.
So much easier when you have time to talk, share, laugh together! Dad-n-love passed from cancer. We only had 3 mths from dx to death but we made it count! SO much easier to deal w/his loss than that of my own dad!
I'm sorry it was handled so poorly at the time. My kids (ages 2-16) have lost three grandparents in the last two years. One that they were especially attached to. I tried hard to help them work through their feelings in as healthy a way as possible.
It's not always easy to know how to parent kids through loss, especially if the parent is also grieving.
Dad-n-love. That's a sweet term of endearment.
Everyone has to find own path, but lots of "flowers to pick" along the way to make it all more efficient & endurable as you go. :-)
I prepared my daughter for loss by not shielding her from death. Parakeet died & I insisted she have a change to *see* CharlieBird didn't "live there" anymore, compared how he used to be w/then. "See? That's just 'house' he lived in," etc.
Society doesn't encourage "full cycle of life" experiences & that can cripple kids when it strikes their life. Make sure to talk about those who pass often, share stories about them, *don't* hide your tears from them so they know it's okay to be sad!
My kids definitely got to experience the full cycle of life when their grandma passed away in April. I remember thinking that it is odd the way we hide that aspect away, esp. from kids.
I think we're doing it right. Thanks for the reassurance.
Death is unavoidable part of life. Kids need opportunity to develop their own ways to deal w/it & support thru it, just like adults. You definitely doing it right. If we let them have "easy ops" - passing of pets, etc, they have tools for harder ones
No one talked about my dad or cried in front of me. It was like he suddenly never existed. So I hid my tears, pain, thoughts. WORST possible thing to do. Wasn't taken to funeral, nothing. POOF! Gone & forgotten. No one thought 4 yr could understand.
Maybe not. But a 4 year can *feel*. Deeply. Profoundly. And alone if no one will feel w/her.
My heart cries out for your 4yo self. I wish I could hug her and cry with her. :'(
She's doing *very* well now, but appreciates your compassion! "We" worked very hard to find healing for that! Mom was horrified to learn what it'd done to me. But that's how *everyone* told her to deal w/it. She didn't know any better.
My pain is worth it, tho, if it illustrates how important it is to *not* "protect" kids from loss. Cuz you *can't*! All that does is ensure they deal w/it all alone, poorly, & for very long time.
Cry. Plant a rose bush.
Everyone grieves differently. I've never had anyone close to me die. I'd like to think I would spend time in prayer and rely on my God for support.
Really? Are you younger than I think you are, or are you just a hermit? I'm surprised you haven't had to deal with losing a loved one yet.
I'm 26. I've had ppl in my life die but thankfully no close loved ones.