Show of HandsShow of Hands

DanTheMan05 July 7th, 2013 4:03am

How do you personally deal with the death of a close loved one?

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barbearnj Dreaming of Banff
07/07/13 1:03 pm

I have a very strong faith. I believe we go to Heaven when we die and that we will all be together again one day.

christine1986
07/07/13 4:10 am

I've been lucky not to loose someone close to me yet. I think about it from time to time. My parents are getting older. I don't know how I will handle it.

JackTorS Clap you stupid bastards
07/06/13 10:29 pm

Losing my dog three years ago was probably one of the most traumatizing events in my life. Died in my arms. After that, I missed work, didn't eat or sleep, was angry with everyone. I didn't know what to do.
Keep your friends close and confide in

JackTorS Clap you stupid bastards
07/06/13 10:32 pm

in them. Your family and loved ones will be there for you too. The best thing that helped me was time, however I still feel sadness even now after talking about it.
Just give it time.

barbearnj Dreaming of Banff
07/07/13 1:04 pm

I believe our pets go to Heaven, too. I just do.

KudosToYou California
07/06/13 10:10 pm

Time is supposed to be best I guess, and we all have own own escapes, but it's not a situation I've been in so I really don't know for sure.

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JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:22 pm

Dan, are you okay? Have you recently lost someone close to you?

leary Dulag Luft
07/06/13 9:20 pm

I was around a lot of death early and learned that its truly part of life. Nobody lives forever. Life goes on.

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MrAngerer
07/06/13 9:12 pm

Music and video games.

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elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:11 pm

Be open w/feelings +\-, talk about them w/others as much as possible, attend funeral if possible. Critical to have a moment to personal "say goodbye" & see they are "no longer home"; hold own "memorial" if nothing else.

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elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:12 pm

Write letters to them, as necessary, to say *anything* left unsaid & honor the impact they've had in your life by listing the ways they've helped you grow as a person.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:15 pm

Consider taking a hands-on grief course &/or find a good book on subject. Accept that it just simply takes time to "be okay" but that time alone does *not* "heal all wounds." What you *do* w/time determines measure of healing.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:18 pm

This. Ask people who have been through loss what kinds of things helped them & what resources they can recommend to effectively work through it. Grieving *will* happen. Sometimes it starts immediately. For some, it "hits" them later. Next year, later

JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:20 pm

Excellent advice, eliana. My MIL recently passed away, but she had terminal cancer and so we had time to mentally prepare by having conversations with her & spending time with her while she was alive. That made the process easier in many ways.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:25 pm

Sadly, I have *lots* of experience w/grief. Daddy passed when I was 4.5. We were "too close" & passing sudden. Was SO poorly, but in ways common toward children @ time. Consequently, I had *no* capacity to deal w/loss.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:28 pm

Made it a mission @ 21 to find out what I needed to do to work thru that loss, learn all I could about grief process, & help anyone I could so they wouldn't get "stuck" like I'd been! Lost many sense & am able to honor them & work thru my loss now.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:30 pm

So much easier when you have time to talk, share, laugh together! Dad-n-love passed from cancer. We only had 3 mths from dx to death but we made it count! SO much easier to deal w/his loss than that of my own dad!

JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:31 pm

I'm sorry it was handled so poorly at the time. My kids (ages 2-16) have lost three grandparents in the last two years. One that they were especially attached to. I tried hard to help them work through their feelings in as healthy a way as possible.

JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:32 pm

It's not always easy to know how to parent kids through loss, especially if the parent is also grieving.

Dad-n-love. That's a sweet term of endearment.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:32 pm

Everyone has to find own path, but lots of "flowers to pick" along the way to make it all more efficient & endurable as you go. :-)

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:36 pm

I prepared my daughter for loss by not shielding her from death. Parakeet died & I insisted she have a change to *see* CharlieBird didn't "live there" anymore, compared how he used to be w/then. "See? That's just 'house' he lived in," etc.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 9:39 pm

Society doesn't encourage "full cycle of life" experiences & that can cripple kids when it strikes their life. Make sure to talk about those who pass often, share stories about them, *don't* hide your tears from them so they know it's okay to be sad!

JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:47 pm

My kids definitely got to experience the full cycle of life when their grandma passed away in April. I remember thinking that it is odd the way we hide that aspect away, esp. from kids.
I think we're doing it right. Thanks for the reassurance.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 10:08 pm

Death is unavoidable part of life. Kids need opportunity to develop their own ways to deal w/it & support thru it, just like adults. You definitely doing it right. If we let them have "easy ops" - passing of pets, etc, they have tools for harder ones

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 10:11 pm

No one talked about my dad or cried in front of me. It was like he suddenly never existed. So I hid my tears, pain, thoughts. WORST possible thing to do. Wasn't taken to funeral, nothing. POOF! Gone & forgotten. No one thought 4 yr could understand.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 10:12 pm

Maybe not. But a 4 year can *feel*. Deeply. Profoundly. And alone if no one will feel w/her.

JanuaryLove
07/06/13 10:19 pm

My heart cries out for your 4yo self. I wish I could hug her and cry with her. :'(

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 10:25 pm

She's doing *very* well now, but appreciates your compassion! "We" worked very hard to find healing for that! Mom was horrified to learn what it'd done to me. But that's how *everyone* told her to deal w/it. She didn't know any better.

elianastar Gab.ai FreeSpeech
07/06/13 10:27 pm

My pain is worth it, tho, if it illustrates how important it is to *not* "protect" kids from loss. Cuz you *can't*! All that does is ensure they deal w/it all alone, poorly, & for very long time.

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/06/13 9:10 pm

Cry. Plant a rose bush.

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r3VOLution not of this world
07/06/13 9:09 pm

Everyone grieves differently. I've never had anyone close to me die. I'd like to think I would spend time in prayer and rely on my God for support.

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JanuaryLove
07/06/13 9:22 pm

Really? Are you younger than I think you are, or are you just a hermit? I'm surprised you haven't had to deal with losing a loved one yet.

r3VOLution not of this world
07/06/13 9:34 pm

I'm 26. I've had ppl in my life die but thankfully no close loved ones.