Would you leave your spouse if they cheated ?
Agreed. He has and I didn't. Overall, after some healing, it made our marriage stronger.
MrsOH, I love you. He's a very blessed man to have you by his side. God bless you both with many more happy years! +++
Thanks, tlaney1! That was 26 years ago. We celebrated our 34th anniversary in June.
@MrsOH - our 40th is Sept. 22nd this year. You realize this make all four of us weirdos, don't you? ;-)
Yes, but I know many more. It's not a lost concept, this commitment thing.
Good for you MrsOH! :)
And T :)
@bonemedic - I'm sorry, and I mean no offense, my friend, but I had to rate your question "bad" because it discriminates against those of us who take their wedding vows seriously, by not permitting a flat "no" response. When I got married 40 years,
ago, we didn't say, "Till death do us part, unless..." We entered into marriage for a lifetime, and with the same unconditional love that we expressed to our children as they got older - "There is simply NOTHING you can do that would make me love
you one tiny bit less. You may always rest in my love, for it will never be taken back from you." Without this type of love, how can any marriage survive? Of course we'll hurt each other and disappoint each other and God - we're human. But we promise
that our love is unconditional and that we can forgive each other as Jesus forgives us." That's the only formula I know for a successful, divorce-proof marriage.
Note: I was referring to hurting each other in small but important selfish or
inconsiderate acts, which can easily cause pain and tears, but this can just as certainly apply to unfaithfulness, which causes much more pain and takes longer to heal completely, but is still under the promise that "NOTHING you can do can make me
stop loving and forgiving." This kind of marriage is NOT 50/50!
It's 100/100. Not for sissies Not for a casual, temporary "shacking up" mentality, which only amounts to "what can I GET," not "here's all of me for you." +. +. +
I can understand that, I wanted the question left open so that it would be discussed. I believe that there are a few circumstances that would be grounds for a divorce. For example I knew a lady whose husband molested her daughter.
She did divorce him and he is currently serving a stay courtesy of the state. That I believe is true grounds for divorce, and although could be forgiven but I could never forget that he did that to my little girl.
Do I believe in the seriousness of vows, very much so. Also if anything did happen I have already told my husband I would more than likely not re-marry. I come from a divorced family, both of my parents are on their 4th marriages.
I feel that our society in general has no follow through. We give up, and take the easy way out. Even more so the youngest generation right now. I see my youngest brother, who had a free ride to college waste it away, because he didn't
Feel like going. This frustrates me beyond belief. So that is the main reason I left a " maybe" there is to open it up
@bonemedic - Thanks so much for your open and detailed response. So many folks on SoH seem like it would kill them to wrie more than what fits on a single screen.
I'm sorry if I sounded critical or preachy. It always helps to be reminded that
everyone's experiences aren't identical to mine. As an only child, I lack that perspective.
Your questions are great. I try to never leave a poll unanswered, and when neither choice applies to me, I feel like I'm having to lie just to get in to
comment. But I get your reasoning on this one. Hope you'll keep up the good work! :-)
If it was a one time occurrence then I'd still try to make it work. But if the were always cheating then no, I couldn't do it.
@AnnaRose - Please read my "10,000-page document" directly above on divorce-proofing your marriage. I wrote it for young folks like you who haven't lived long enough yet to make a real mess of marriage and parenthood. Let me know your reaction. +++
Is there a link to this??
I'm referring jokingly to my long-winded comments. :-)
Oh sorry *blonde moment
Lol don't worry I understood your reference but I would try to make the marriage work still. Lots of counseling if needed but in certain cases like after enough cheating, I'd get an annulment. But only after seriously trying to make it work and it
Wouldn't be a rash decision. I know it's possible for a relationship to overcome cheating, my parents did. And I respect the sanctity of marriage but if it's something where he's always in an outside relationship, not even just once in a while, then
It would no longer be just between the two of us really and I would try getting an annulment. But if he tried staying faithful and slipped up once in a while, I could handle that.
Already did. Can't trust someone after that. The trust that they had earned is lost. Would be very difficult for her to earn that trust back. Might be a messed up way of thinking but that's the way I see it.
Nah I can totally see it. I made the comment that I might stay but the trust would never be the same.
Me and my hubs talk about this often, more to know what each other expects. It would depend on the circumstances.
It definitely depends on the circumstances. Are there kids involved? Is it a repeated affair or a horrible drunken mistake?
I left both of my exes after they cheated on my once. You get one chance.