Which would cause more chaos if it happened in 24 hours: all pets being able to talk or everything you think be written in a speech bubble above your head? Two completely unrelated things. You must pick one.
Pretty much. Did you read the story yet? The first (the romance one) has another chapter published now. He second (te FanFiction) isn't really at the 'fan' part yet. In the game it comes from there's a skip and that's where the fan stuff really comes
Well, I can see potential, but the inexperience is rather noticeable. That's expected, of course. Everyone has to start somewhere, and you can only improve! If you'd like specific pointers and suggestions, let me know.
Hmm... It's a bit harsh, but around a five. My reasoning: the material itself was good, but there were spelling, grammatical and word-choice errors which made the work less effective. Try to make the story flow. Instead of separating the dialogue,
make it one integrated story. You can do so by using a narrator or some other type of third party in order to tell the story. A lot of the sentences seemed disconnected or unrelated to one another, which is usually a result of the writing style.
If you don't mind my asking - how old are you? Not that it really matters. The only reason these issues occurred is from, as I stated before, a lack of experience. I've been writing most of my young life and it's a passion of mine.
For me, it comes naturally, and I greatly enjoy it! Just keep practicing... It's cliched, but practice really does make perfect when it comes to writing.
Oh, an it's not harsh. I'd rate it about a 5 too. If you make an account on Wattpad though you can get updates on stories you like too. It's really a great site.
Show of Hands
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