Show of HandsShow of Hands

tayen July 3rd, 2013 1:58pm

Should men be the leaders in relationships?

5 Liked

Comments: Add Comment

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 7:34 am

I voted "no way" because I don't believe the "leader" of a relationship should be restricted to one gender or the other.

Reply
tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:23 am

Someone has to make the final say in disagreements, though. Say he thinks the family should move, but she would rather not. Then what?

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:28 am

Oh, I have no problem with somebody making the final say. I just don't think it will be the man in every single relationship or even the same person every time.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:30 am

It's up to the couple who it'll be; the choice can be to leave it up to him.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:30 am

Exactly. Someone has to make the final say in any situation, but there are too many things which must be taken into account. It's not right to say that the man is the only one to make that final say.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:32 am

It's not always one person. It varies.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:34 am

He can take advice and suggestions from her, as well. I'm not saying he has to make the final decision on his own.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:35 am

I find this funny. Tayen is defending male supremacy, while I'm over here advocating feminism.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:38 am

I don't see it as a gender issue at all. I'm my relationships, whoever objected held the final say because they didnt prefer it more than the other person wanted it. Either way, in a relationship you compromise - you try for win-win or at least a

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:39 am

Sort of. ???? I don't believe in men ruling with an iron fist by any means, but with love and respect for his partner. Making decisions with her best interest in mind.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:41 am

All of my relationships are not that one-sided. We consider ourselves equal in the relationship and make decisions together. There is no one person deciding for the couple, there are two people coming to the decision together. The final say is discus

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:41 am

Sed and decide on based on conversation.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:43 am

Idk. I cannot relate to that sort of relationship.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:44 am

Last thing.. If my man truly respected me, he would understand that I am fully capable of making my own decisions! I would not date a man that felt the need to decide things for me. Ever.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:46 am

Exactly! Women are equal to men in every way. They don't need a man to make decisions for them. Compromise is the best solution. You decide together or there is no balance in the relationship - in my opinion.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:46 am

That's what I'm talking about. I don't mean that the man should be more important or higher up than the woman, only that he can have the final day - after discussing and considering *with* his partner.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:49 am

I'm not claiming that females are incapable of making decisions or that they should be left out of making choices. Letting men lead can be very empowering in a positive way. It shows that the woman can trust and respect him. They need respect too.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:50 am

Still - no. Lesbian relationships, non-monogamous relationships or even heterosexual relationships all have extraneous factors which would determine who makes the decisions, when they do and why.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:52 am

Tay, do you feel the same way if it were the woman making the decisions for the man in her relationship?

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:54 am

Do you feel that letting women lead the relationship is (positively) empowering to the man?

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 8:54 am

I'm being sincere, btw, I'm not trying to be an ass. Please let me know if I'm being offensive.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:57 am

You're taking control. ;) I like it. Haha... Still not empowering. I revert back to the statement: it's all about balance.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:58 am

Not at all. Women are naturally more nurturing, and men are more naturally leaders. When women take the leading role it leaves men pushed out of their position where they're comfortable and confident. I'm not saying men can't comfort or women can't

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:59 am

handle or shouldn't make any choices, just that I've seen relationships work far better when the man is able to lead things and the woman support him.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:01 am

Ah. I can see where you're coming from with the gender roles or your preferred gender roles. For me and Luch, we see the gender roles differently and therefore are unable to really agree with yours. It's not personal.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:02 am

Just as yours are set, so are ours, ya know?

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:02 am

I'm a nurturing leader. I really don't like assigning traits based on gender. A persons sex doesn't decide who they are.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:05 am

As I said, mrL, men can be nurturing and comforting, but also leaders, like you said.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:07 am

I come from an environment with bread-winning women personally.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:09 am

I don't, haha. I'm just a feminist. ;P
New York has a fair amount of powerful women, but they're greatly outnumbered by men, not that it's wrong... It's just a fact. :)

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:10 am

I'm not talking about jobs and who makes the money with this poll - a woman can support and love her husband by working.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:12 am

We know. Just making statements. (:

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:14 am

I'm saying that my mother is the head of our family, breaking the stereotypical gender roles, in an attempt to express that the male is no longer considered to be the head of the family or the relationship and that sterotypical gender roles are

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:14 am

Changing.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:17 am

Saying that she is working to "support" him truly offends me. She does not rely on a man to be in her life. Their relationship isn't governed by him simply because he is male. She established herself and chose to be with a man she loved in a

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:18 am

I definitely know that they're changing. I don't think that they always should, but they are.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:18 am

Relationship with respect towards both opinions without one person having a "dominant" opinion. I know it shouldn't offend me, but the idea that the man is necessary or at the top of the relationship offends me.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:21 am

I know our ideas on gender roles are different and there is nothing wrong with that. Sorry for being so defensive!

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:21 am

Would it offend you if I took her side and said she should make the decisions and he should support and encourage her? In order to have a heterosexual, monogamous relationship a man is necessary, just as much as a woman.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:24 am

Gafiate, you're dating someone, right? hehe, jkjk. ;)

You're in a relationship for love and support, that doesn't entail the need for a dominant gender.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:28 am

MrL - no, it's not needed, but it can make things better. Personally, my own relationship flourished when I told him that I trust and respect him and want him to lead and take care of me.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:31 am

Oh, tayen, it makes me feel a lot better that you are a woman. I can totally understand it when women want the men to take care of them, it's definitely reassuring, but some of us like it more "equal" in responsibility.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:32 am

If I trust someone, I still wouldn't give up my power. A relationship is 50%/50%. Giving up your power throws that balance off, in my opinion. What works for you is fine. Glad things are working out well.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:33 am

Lol. Yeah - I care about him, but I wouldn't call it love yet. He takes care of me when I need the support, but he knows I make my own decisions. He has joked that if I am willing to be the bread winner, he'll be the housewife ;) can't afford all of

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:34 am

The toys he wants though lol. Idk. Hope you two have a great day and a great holiday weekend!!

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:34 am

Haha, I am a woman. I don't want less responsibility or for it to be unequal; I just want different responsibilities.

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:35 am

I try to do 50-50 too. I hate feeling like I owe him or he owes me.

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 9:35 am

Ah damn, gafiate. ); Guess I'm stuck. Same goes to you. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other a great many times through the week, haha. ;P

XercesBlue ...
07/03/13 9:36 am

Tay - sorry! I had very poor wording with that statement.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 9:38 am

I knew what you were getting at. (:

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 7:23 am

There are many different aspects to take into consideration. I said "no way," because there are different parts of relationships, some of which are better led by the opposite gender. Women are equals to men in every way, it's no longer "man only"

Reply
MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 7:25 am

decision making. It's about pleasing the other person by whatever reasonable means it takes. Balance and adaptation are key in a successful relationship.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:25 am

The man leading should be about caring for the woman (and children if involved), and the woman helping about caring for the man. It doesn't always work like that, obviously, but in a healthy relationship it would be about working for the other person

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:28 am

I disagree... That's such an antiquated view of gender roles. Women aren't just housewives. Show of hands offers many prime examples of strong, independent women. For example: EarlyBird, Inge, Zimmeress, Nizabelle, mmangone, bMyComrade, and so on.

tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:30 am

Where did I say anything about being a housewife?

MrLucchese If curious, ask.
07/03/13 8:34 am

Ah, I misread the first sentence. :)

The relationships are all about love for one another, so whatever works to provide the best relationship is what has to be done. That's not always reliant on a male or his decision making.

EarlyBird Portland
07/03/13 7:17 am

Every relationship is different. Some men like dominate women. Some women like dominate men. One size doesn't fit all.

Reply
rlands
07/03/13 7:12 am

There has to be a balance. Sometimes I make decisions and sometimes he does. If he starts taking control of me he's out faster than you can say "overprotective boyfriend"!

Reply
tayen Illinois
07/03/13 8:26 am

Taking control is very different than having it offered and/or using the leadership role in a loving way.

rlands
07/03/13 8:27 am

That's true...I'm not sure there necessarily has to be a leader. Every decision should be a joint decision.