Show of HandsShow of Hands

HopefulChaos December 15th, 2015 4:33pm

This article sites that couples are more likely to stay together in marriage if they do not cohabitate together first. Did you live with your spouse before marriage? If you're not married, is this something you plan to do?

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liam2013 iowa
12/19/15 1:25 pm

I am not married. A lot depends upon the girls views.

mfjd1948 rural johnson co iowa
12/19/15 10:47 am

Yes, and we have been married for thirty-six happy years.

tcadez Minnesnowta
12/17/15 1:45 am

Well my parents did live together for a year before getting married and they've been married 30 years. Another friend of the family didn't live together prior and they're divorced. It depends on the people involved.

alynn Somewhere wonderful
12/16/15 6:30 pm

We won't live together before we marry. We do usually spend 3 days and nights together though.

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dlaw4570
12/15/15 7:10 pm

Part time, we each had separate apartments but spent most of the time together...

Zod Above Pugetropolis
12/15/15 7:08 pm

I think that "study" might be misleading, unless it also includes information about *why* the people who didn't live together first chose not to. If they felt pressured not to live together by family or religion, they may feel similar pressure to stay together for show, even though they'd be happier moving on separately. Being happy is the only metric that matters. Staying together is mostly irrelevant unless it is part of being happy.

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cheermom New Jersey
12/15/15 7:00 pm

Didn't live together and ended up divorced anyway. I wanted to but my ex had been married before and wanted to do it differently the 2nd time around. Neither way worked for him.

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garrettr Alabama
12/15/15 6:09 pm

Nope. I had just gone through one divorce a few months earlier so I was staying with my parents.

Kay41 the Midwest
12/15/15 5:56 pm

I did not live with my husband before we got married, but we were both very young and just out of college. We have been married for 26 years now. However, I think this is up to each couple to make a decision that is best for themselves and I might have made a different decision had I been older.

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sgkitty new york
12/15/15 3:38 pm

We have lived together for 10 years but have no plans to marry. Not sure what that does for statistics, but our relationship is longer than a lot of marriages.

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catpillow Florida West Coast
12/15/15 3:36 pm

We lived together for a year first to find out if we could get used to each other's traditions. It worked out great for us. We've been married 30 years now and we're still happy with each other.

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Suzan Hawaii
12/15/15 3:27 pm

It is better NOT to live together before marriage.

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user321 Indiana
12/15/15 3:17 pm

Yes, for almost a year. We're going on 12 years of happy marriage this February.

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nekmor Round Rock TX
12/15/15 2:47 pm

I have two previous divorces one I lived with and one I didn't. So The odds for me so far 50-50.

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BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
12/15/15 6:16 pm

Sorry, I was distracted by your location! I'm sorry for your divorces.

BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
12/15/15 1:20 pm

I don't plan to live together before marriage. I might make an exception & live together platonically. I have friends who did that & it worked out well.

MrsCrayonWax
12/15/15 1:24 pm

You can still
Learn a lot about that person even if living platonically like if he drinks out of the milk carton or leaves hair in the drain! 😉

BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
12/15/15 1:28 pm

I agree, but the only problem is I am not sure that I could maintain a platonic relationship in such circumstances with someone that I love that much, especially if he doesn't want one...::sigh::

MrsCrayonWax
12/15/15 1:32 pm

Therein lies the slippery slope.

BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
12/15/15 1:36 pm

Yes.
That is the difficult part about having a high sex drive while waiting for marriage to have sex. (I made a commitment to myself & my future spouse long ago.)

MrsCrayonWax
12/15/15 3:38 pm

Lots of cold showers!

BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
12/15/15 6:17 pm

😂
It would also involve me wearing more clothing when I'm at home, but I digress! 🙈

MrsCrayonWax
12/15/15 6:23 pm

Lol. I'm not a fan of lots of clothes in my own space but now I have a kid, I have to wear them again. Lol

jmw7477 Indiana
12/15/15 1:14 pm

We got married in the middle of December, but we rented our apartment at the beginning of the month. So we spent the first few nights together in our new apartment. But that was it.

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googer11 Minnesota
12/15/15 12:11 pm

I could never marry someone I haven't lived with. Cohabiting is where the truth comes out.

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borny33
12/15/15 1:28 pm

Yep, that is what I love about marriage!

croopertrooper Greater Cincinnati Area
12/15/15 12:10 pm

Planning to move in with my girlfriend once she finishes school in ~a year and I save up enough to get my own place. I would never want to marry someone without living with them first. How would I know what I'm getting in to? I want some practice living with this person before I jump in and commit my life to them.

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slickspin Heart of Texas
12/15/15 11:11 am

We moved in together 25 years ago, never got around to getting married.

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DrCarpenter Ann Arbor or Florence
12/15/15 10:32 am

Likely because those who are against living together before marriage are more likely to be against divorce and see it as a sin.

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tdyakker lost
12/15/15 10:32 am

Lived together for 2-3 yrs before we tied the knot. Been married 16 yrs and doing better then most we know who didn't.

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chinito Florida
12/15/15 10:10 pm

Are you doing better then most of the people you know who did?

tdyakker lost
12/15/15 10:30 pm

I'd say we're doing as good if not better. Probably 60% of the people Ive known that got married whether they lived together or not eventually got divorced. That being said if they did live together for a bit before marriage they're either still together or lasted longer. It's about learning what your getting yourself into and then deciding if your ready for that ride. Living together before was right for us but may not be right for everyone.

bs75758 Michigan
12/15/15 10:25 am

We didn't even live with each other during our first year of marriage. She was finishing grad school and I had a job about 4 hours away so we decided to live in separate places until she finished school. We'll be married 10 years in April.

ronderman North Carolina
12/15/15 10:17 am

Dated 3 years living separately. Married. Living together 19.5 years. In that order.

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chinito Florida
12/15/15 10:08 pm

I dated my wife for 5 years. When we got married she moved out of her parents' house to our home. Been married for 13 years.

RoDe Latinus wordsus
12/15/15 10:00 am

Living with my girlfriend now. Those statistics can be tricky to analyze. For instance folks who don't like together might have religious reservations against that, and would hold the same religious reservations against divorce. Folks who do live together, perceive no wrong in that, and are probably more likely as a population to view divorce as an option. It is plausible living together isn't determinative, but whether you think living with someone before marriage is an option could be indicative of one's acceptance of divorce as an option later.

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Jeninerd Hoth, AK
12/15/15 9:53 am

My husband and I lived together for three years before we got married. I wouldn't marry someone without living with them first.

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FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
12/15/15 10:11 am

Same here.

Also, in general I don't think that's true. Doesn't it just sound crazy? Basically saying "your marriage will last longer if you don't really know what you're getting into." Yeaahhhh...No.

MrsCrayonWax
12/15/15 10:52 am

I'll agree. Lived together a year or two before marriage. We made vows no matter what (unless infidelity occurs) that we'd be in this til death do us part. I don't put much stock in that study.

Jeninerd Hoth, AK
12/15/15 10:56 am

I think that the large portion of devout Christians/Catholics probably skews the data, since many Christians oppose both living together before marriage and divorce. Of course there are other religions who think the same, but Christians represent the most significant section of the population. I don't think this necessarily means a causal relationship between cohabitation prior to marriage and higher divorce rates, rather the conflicting variable here is religious belief.

HayleyS looking up.
12/15/15 1:14 pm

I read an article once that claimed that sometimes people who move in together end up getting married/staying together because they became financially dependent on one another. They felt like they greater pressure to stay together because they wouldn't have anywhere to go otherwise. Those people would've probably broken up if they hadn't lived together. But instead they got married, which later resulted in a divorce.

I think it was called the inertia effect.

Jeninerd Hoth, AK
12/15/15 1:39 pm

I'm sure that explains a significant number of powwow as well.

Jeninerd Hoth, AK
12/15/15 1:39 pm

People* wtf, autocorrect!😂

MackGray Jiving and Shucking
12/15/15 9:41 am

I live with my girlfriend. I do not foresee marriage though

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HopefulChaos ohio
12/15/15 9:44 am

If you don't mind me asking, why live together? Just happy now?

MackGray Jiving and Shucking
12/15/15 9:59 am

I love her. I'm not in love with her. Things of that nature. She's an alcoholic in desperate need of help.

I'd like to go our separate ways, but she truly has nowhere (healthy) to go. Her parents are a train wreck. She has some friends who might take her in temporarily, but not ideal situations being married with children.

So I just look out for her. I love her. I care for her. I want the best for her. But she needs to get her life in order first before I can make a commitment to her

HopefulChaos ohio
12/15/15 10:08 am

That's really sweet of you to look out for her when she needs someone.