In your opinion is it acceptable to have a bank account that your spouse is not aware of?
Marriage is a union of love, trust, and selflessness. Having a hidden bank account is neither loving, trusting, nor selfless. The idea that marriage is just about happiness is the reason so many fall apart today, more respect needs to go to it.
How in any way would that be acceptable, there is only one situation that would be acceptable, that is if it was savings for a surprise cruise or vacation, otherwise it's just plain wrong and secretive
What if you were like a government agent and couldn't tell them?
It's kind of sketchy but it's not like you're not legally allowed to.
Generally no. Maybe if it's to hoard money back for an oh shit moment.
I think everyone should have a secure account that only they have access to that has enough money to pay off three or so months worth of expenses. That way if everything in your life suddenly goes to shit you have some time to get back on your feet
Most comments infer the darker purpose for an account not known to the other spouse. The Why is individual choice but we all should have freedom to make choices. Without trust you might as will leave the situation.
I feel like in marriage you should share everything.
Grandma did, she had enough in coupon savings to buy a nice car when they retired
If she doesn't even pay her bills on time and has to borrow more than her fair share every week, of course!! Suppose she has a medical emergency and she can't use credit because she's maxed out, where would she be if I didn't keep a little nest egg??
You know where!! 'Sitting in the ER at General Hospital waiting six hours for pain med for a fractured knee, only to be told they don't prescribe pain med, but they still expect you to pay $150 for an ER visit that did nothing to fix your problem!
Yet if she knew I had a small nest egg it would soon cease to exist, so for her benefit and everyone else's it's best not to share all the household info with her.
I think that it would be a safe option in the event of a divorce,or even if the other spouse dies and there isn't enough to provide for a family
My husband and I keep separate accounts. He knows about both of mine but doesn't have access to them.
Yes, it's called the "in case of divorce i will still have money left after she gets the house, car, and children plus half the money of our bank account and part of my paycheck" fund
My wife will get mad at me if she saw all the porn I buy, so i have to.
You buy porn? You know it's free all over the Internet. ;)
Not the stuff I like.
I agree w/ yours, mine and ours.
A secret account is weird.
It really depends... So many different ways this could be applied.
In some circumstances I think it would be OK, if not actually wise, but I wouldn't want to be married to anyone I felt I needed to keep unaware of it.
I can't say it's morally wrong. But as someone who is married and not in an abusive relationship, I think my husband would have every right to stop trusting me if he found out.
I voted no, but I can imagine some circumstances where it would be ok. If your spouse is a gambler or spends money you need for bills and food, then yeah, you might need your own account. If your spouse is abusive and you're saving up to get away...
Mo money mo problems
do what you want why do I care? like its probably a really really bad idea to keep a secret like that from your spouse, but hey why not.
Having a separate account is fine, but why would it be a secret? That's kind of weird...Besides, unless you signed a prenup that says otherwise, the $ legally belongs to both spouses...
Doesn't have to be in their name...
Would that be true only in community property states?
DiLaughing-I don't think so. I know the community property states is something more for events of divorce (those couples get 50/50 no matter what). But I think while married, in the eyes of the law, the $ and debt you make belongs to both of you.
My Mom set one up for my Grandmother. Grammy and Grampy were madly in love their whole lives, but Grampy was a spender and Grammy was a saver. At the retirement facility, Grampy INSISTED on tipping everyone, but the staff there was not allowed to
take tips. Instead, they'd drop off the rogue tips at the front desk and Mom would collect them up every so often and place them in Grammy's account. Grammy was poor during the Depression. Not regular depression poor, but, like DIRT poor. Having
that account really made her feel more secure. And it stopped her from continuing to rathole away cash in her mattress, her old shoes, her coat pockets, etc. When we moved them into the retirement community we found THOUSANDS in cash squirreled away!
I don't personally but it's perfectly acceptable. When you marry you don't sign away all your privacy
If I wasn't sure my marriage would last, or if I didn't trust my spouse. I might hide assets from him. Luckily, that isn't the case. Both of our names are on everything.
A secret account is only acceptable in a situation where the spouse with the secret account is worried for their safety should their partner know they have a separate account, or for those who are financially preparing to leave an abusive marriage.
Otherwise a secret account is trouble and spells deeper marital issues. Separate accounts aren't a problem if they are known.
Yup. There is a big difference between separate accounts and secret accounts. Separate is fine; secret is trouble.
However, I was saving for a trip to Paris. It was a surprise gift, to her. Of course, she didn't know about the account.
I can see how that would be legit. I considered this poll to be about maintaining a secret account long-term, not having one temporarily for a special gift for the unknowing spouse or a special purchase that the couple would enjoy together.
My husband and I absolutely have separate accounts. A specified amount goes into the joint account for bills and savings and important life things but I don't want to know what his cigars cost any more than I want him grumpy over my shoe purchases!
But secret accounts, no bueno. Doesn't breed anything good and if you don't trust your spouse to know about it, then you have much bigger problems than $$
According to two of my drill sergeants, it is not merely acceptable but also strongly recommended.
Why not, your money, your account.
It's the secret part that I find odd. Lots of couples keep separate accounts but why be dishonest about it?
Had to think about this one. Is it OK to hide things from a SO? Not really. But if you have a lottery winnings account that you want to keep anon. or if you have savings for something special or something for them...and then again it's your money.
I think it's absolutely not acceptable but absolutely ok.
What's the difference?
Well, I think trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It follows that its wrong to hide things. However, I can think of many instances where it would be acceptable. So I am basically saying that i'm straddling the fence.
What if you won the lottery....15 billion dollars but you didn't want anyone to know. Hiding it from even your SO would be acceptable. It might even ruin your relationship to disclose it making it a moral obligation to not say anything.
But its still wrong.
15 billion might be a little higher than what you would actually win from the lottery. lol. I should change that number to million.
Absolutely. Your money your rules
Sure- to protect in case abuse begins to occur, to maintain your own agency, to purchase birthday gifts for each other, to preserve inheritance for children in the event of second marriages and many more reasons!
It's certainly acceptable if the marriage is failing or the spouse is a dilettante. In those cases, it's recommended!
My ex kept emptying our joint account without my knowledge. I got a separate account so I could pay bills and start divorce proceedings.
The ultimate hiding. No way.
I work in retail and hear women talking ALL the time about having secret bank accounts from their husbands. Or they say, "I'm paying with this card, he doesn't check this one." I think it's disgusting. Honestly is the best policy in a relationship.
As long as it's their money it's fine. Not ideal though
If it is their money I guess it's technically fine because they DID earn it, but I don't think it's ethical to hide purchases or financial information from your spouse. If its, indeed, their money then why hide it?
I'm not advocating it as a best practice, I'm just saying it's their right. My wife knows all my finances
People may want to hide it if their spouse is a really bad spender, or doesn't understand the value of money.
Of course I'd recommend not marrying a person like that in the first place
Is depends on what it's for, who's money it is, ect.
Hell yeah so when I'm a parent and my kids are grown up I'll be like jk we were rich this entire time
If you have to keep secrets from who you're married too then get a divorce
Bless you. This is the best answer I've seen yet. I'd ask you for your physical address so I could personally come give you a hug, but I know you wouldn't give it hahaha 😁
If she is completely trustworthy and capable of keeping track of money well, no. If she lies about money all the time and can't pay the bills, yes.
I've never understood separate bank accounts, or keeping a secret account. My husband and I have had a joint account since we were 18, everything is 'ours' not 'yours' & 'mine'!
Honestly, I'll probably want a separate account when I'm married because I've not been the best with finances and, while I'm getting much better, I'd rather not have immediate access to the household accounts. It will be a joint decision though.
"I've never understood separate bank accounts"
The #1 reason couples fight is money. Separate accounts can go a long way to minimizing those disagreements and I think they are a great idea.
We've been married 25 years. All separate checked and credit cards. Join savings. We have NEVER had an argument about money. We each pay our own bills and each pays specific household bills. Both contribute to savings. Easy peasy...
I don't even get the separate account thing. I know state laws are different but, aren't finances communal in most.
Only in extreme cases, and even in those cases, having a secret account is only treating the symptom, not the actual problem.
No. It isn't.
The only reasons for this are bad.
Like saving for a gift or a surprise trip???
Acceptable? Sure. It's not my place to manage another person's relationship. Or finances. While the need for secrecy may or may not indicate a lack of trust or presence of other issues, the account itself is not the problem.
I'm not spoused up, but this is distasteful. If I found out my spouse had withheld a secret account, I'd feel distrusted, and in a way, not very important.
Next: "I wonder what other things she's hiding from me, and what does it mean for our future?"
I couldn't agree more.
Only if it's from their own source of disposable income.
What isn't their own source? What does that even mean?
I notice the heavy gambling centered states are all for secret bank accounts. In these cases, I'm all for it.
Vermont and New Mexico are heavily gambling states? interesting.