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Show Of Hands July 30th, 2015 7:00pm

In your opinion is it acceptable to have a bank account that your spouse is not aware of?

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BenedictPius Pennsylvania
08/09/15 12:06 am

Marriage is a union of love, trust, and selflessness. Having a hidden bank account is neither loving, trusting, nor selfless. The idea that marriage is just about happiness is the reason so many fall apart today, more respect needs to go to it.

KDog4792 Pennsylvania
08/07/15 8:12 am

How in any way would that be acceptable, there is only one situation that would be acceptable, that is if it was savings for a surprise cruise or vacation, otherwise it's just plain wrong and secretive

Ahoff
08/06/15 8:42 am

What if you were like a government agent and couldn't tell them?

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graz6 Detroit
08/05/15 10:42 am

It's kind of sketchy but it's not like you're not legally allowed to.

FarmerManE djent
08/03/15 8:00 pm

Generally no. Maybe if it's to hoard money back for an oh shit moment.

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Shreveport New York
08/01/15 11:21 pm

I think everyone should have a secure account that only they have access to that has enough money to pay off three or so months worth of expenses. That way if everything in your life suddenly goes to shit you have some time to get back on your feet

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bonemouth lost in the wilderness
08/01/15 7:38 am

Most comments infer the darker purpose for an account not known to the other spouse. The Why is individual choice but we all should have freedom to make choices. Without trust you might as will leave the situation.

ParaguasPato Columbus GA
07/31/15 9:15 am

I feel like in marriage you should share everything.

Nos4at2 demented weirdo
07/31/15 8:04 am

Grandma did, she had enough in coupon savings to buy a nice car when they retired

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tdaddy Kentucky
07/31/15 6:20 am

If she doesn't even pay her bills on time and has to borrow more than her fair share every week, of course!! Suppose she has a medical emergency and she can't use credit because she's maxed out, where would she be if I didn't keep a little nest egg??

tdaddy Kentucky
07/31/15 6:32 am

You know where!! 'Sitting in the ER at General Hospital waiting six hours for pain med for a fractured knee, only to be told they don't prescribe pain med, but they still expect you to pay $150 for an ER visit that did nothing to fix your problem!

tdaddy Kentucky
07/31/15 6:35 am

Yet if she knew I had a small nest egg it would soon cease to exist, so for her benefit and everyone else's it's best not to share all the household info with her.

JNB13
07/31/15 6:13 am

I think that it would be a safe option in the event of a divorce,or even if the other spouse dies and there isn't enough to provide for a family

singkitty In the cloud
07/31/15 5:40 am

My husband and I keep separate accounts. He knows about both of mine but doesn't have access to them.

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Darksparrow288
07/31/15 4:53 am

Yes, it's called the "in case of divorce i will still have money left after she gets the house, car, and children plus half the money of our bank account and part of my paycheck" fund

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briebb DC
07/31/15 3:02 am

My wife will get mad at me if she saw all the porn I buy, so i have to.

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AndrewX
07/31/15 10:25 am

You buy porn? You know it's free all over the Internet. ;)

briebb DC
07/31/15 5:06 pm

Not the stuff I like.

jamjay Atlanta, Ga
07/31/15 2:49 am

I agree w/ yours, mine and ours.
A secret account is weird.

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LetsJustBanGov ohio
07/30/15 9:12 pm

It really depends... So many different ways this could be applied.

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susanr Colorado
07/30/15 8:17 pm

In some circumstances I think it would be OK, if not actually wise, but I wouldn't want to be married to anyone I felt I needed to keep unaware of it.

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CassieLee the moon
07/30/15 7:24 pm

I can't say it's morally wrong. But as someone who is married and not in an abusive relationship, I think my husband would have every right to stop trusting me if he found out.

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Snapdragon WV
07/30/15 6:59 pm

I voted no, but I can imagine some circumstances where it would be ok. If your spouse is a gambler or spends money you need for bills and food, then yeah, you might need your own account. If your spouse is abusive and you're saving up to get away...

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whatsuphomie
07/30/15 6:58 pm

Mo money mo problems

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ghostdad420
07/30/15 5:56 pm

do what you want why do I care? like its probably a really really bad idea to keep a secret like that from your spouse, but hey why not.

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arollaatoris Nomad
07/30/15 5:42 pm

Having a separate account is fine, but why would it be a secret? That's kind of weird...Besides, unless you signed a prenup that says otherwise, the $ legally belongs to both spouses...

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jaysin586 SoH HQ
07/30/15 6:13 pm

Doesn't have to be in their name...

DiLaughing Arkansas
07/31/15 5:35 am

Would that be true only in community property states?

arollaatoris Nomad
07/31/15 7:50 am

DiLaughing-I don't think so. I know the community property states is something more for events of divorce (those couples get 50/50 no matter what). But I think while married, in the eyes of the law, the $ and debt you make belongs to both of you.

DrDollylonglegs in the lab... again
07/30/15 5:34 pm

My Mom set one up for my Grandmother. Grammy and Grampy were madly in love their whole lives, but Grampy was a spender and Grammy was a saver. At the retirement facility, Grampy INSISTED on tipping everyone, but the staff there was not allowed to

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DrDollylonglegs in the lab... again
07/30/15 5:35 pm

take tips. Instead, they'd drop off the rogue tips at the front desk and Mom would collect them up every so often and place them in Grammy's account. Grammy was poor during the Depression. Not regular depression poor, but, like DIRT poor. Having

DrDollylonglegs in the lab... again
07/30/15 5:38 pm

that account really made her feel more secure. And it stopped her from continuing to rathole away cash in her mattress, her old shoes, her coat pockets, etc. When we moved them into the retirement community we found THOUSANDS in cash squirreled away!

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:20 pm

I don't personally but it's perfectly acceptable. When you marry you don't sign away all your privacy

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catpillow Florida West Coast
07/30/15 5:10 pm

If I wasn't sure my marriage would last, or if I didn't trust my spouse. I might hide assets from him. Luckily, that isn't the case. Both of our names are on everything.

PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
07/30/15 4:31 pm

A secret account is only acceptable in a situation where the spouse with the secret account is worried for their safety should their partner know they have a separate account, or for those who are financially preparing to leave an abusive marriage.

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PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
07/30/15 4:32 pm

Otherwise a secret account is trouble and spells deeper marital issues. Separate accounts aren't a problem if they are known.

michaels
07/30/15 6:04 pm

Yup. There is a big difference between separate accounts and secret accounts. Separate is fine; secret is trouble.

slickspin Heart of Texas
07/31/15 8:30 am

However, I was saving for a trip to Paris. It was a surprise gift, to her. Of course, she didn't know about the account.

PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
07/31/15 12:22 pm

I can see how that would be legit. I considered this poll to be about maintaining a secret account long-term, not having one temporarily for a special gift for the unknowing spouse or a special purchase that the couple would enjoy together.

ivylynn
07/30/15 4:22 pm

My husband and I absolutely have separate accounts. A specified amount goes into the joint account for bills and savings and important life things but I don't want to know what his cigars cost any more than I want him grumpy over my shoe purchases!

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ivylynn
07/30/15 4:24 pm

But secret accounts, no bueno. Doesn't breed anything good and if you don't trust your spouse to know about it, then you have much bigger problems than $$

Gunfighter06 Iowa, since 1846
07/30/15 4:22 pm

According to two of my drill sergeants, it is not merely acceptable but also strongly recommended.

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Spiritof76 USA 1776
07/30/15 4:17 pm

Why not, your money, your account.

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singkitty In the cloud
07/31/15 5:43 am

It's the secret part that I find odd. Lots of couples keep separate accounts but why be dishonest about it?

CudOfCow Oregon
07/30/15 3:55 pm

Had to think about this one. Is it OK to hide things from a SO? Not really. But if you have a lottery winnings account that you want to keep anon. or if you have savings for something special or something for them...and then again it's your money.

CudOfCow Oregon
07/30/15 3:56 pm

I think it's absolutely not acceptable but absolutely ok.

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:21 pm

What's the difference?

CudOfCow Oregon
07/30/15 5:41 pm

Well, I think trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It follows that its wrong to hide things. However, I can think of many instances where it would be acceptable. So I am basically saying that i'm straddling the fence.

CudOfCow Oregon
07/30/15 5:43 pm

What if you won the lottery....15 billion dollars but you didn't want anyone to know. Hiding it from even your SO would be acceptable. It might even ruin your relationship to disclose it making it a moral obligation to not say anything.

CudOfCow Oregon
07/31/15 9:56 am

15 billion might be a little higher than what you would actually win from the lottery. lol. I should change that number to million.

CzarCastic
07/30/15 3:44 pm

Absolutely. Your money your rules

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gemoone
07/30/15 3:25 pm

Sure- to protect in case abuse begins to occur, to maintain your own agency, to purchase birthday gifts for each other, to preserve inheritance for children in the event of second marriages and many more reasons!

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shygal47 Florida east coast
07/30/15 3:22 pm

It's certainly acceptable if the marriage is failing or the spouse is a dilettante. In those cases, it's recommended!

Iamamerican California
07/30/15 3:07 pm

My ex kept emptying our joint account without my knowledge. I got a separate account so I could pay bills and start divorce proceedings.

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FollowYourBliss Never Happy, Ever After
07/30/15 3:01 pm

I work in retail and hear women talking ALL the time about having secret bank accounts from their husbands. Or they say, "I'm paying with this card, he doesn't check this one." I think it's disgusting. Honestly is the best policy in a relationship.

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CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:22 pm

As long as it's their money it's fine. Not ideal though

FollowYourBliss Never Happy, Ever After
07/30/15 5:38 pm

If it is their money I guess it's technically fine because they DID earn it, but I don't think it's ethical to hide purchases or financial information from your spouse. If its, indeed, their money then why hide it?

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:41 pm

I'm not advocating it as a best practice, I'm just saying it's their right. My wife knows all my finances

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:43 pm

People may want to hide it if their spouse is a really bad spender, or doesn't understand the value of money.

Of course I'd recommend not marrying a person like that in the first place

OldAccount No longer active
07/30/15 2:40 pm

Is depends on what it's for, who's money it is, ect.

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gotamiller
07/30/15 2:39 pm

Hell yeah so when I'm a parent and my kids are grown up I'll be like jk we were rich this entire time

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Abolitionist Voice of the people
07/30/15 2:37 pm

If you have to keep secrets from who you're married too then get a divorce

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Striker1435 Texas
07/30/15 3:17 pm

Bless you. This is the best answer I've seen yet. I'd ask you for your physical address so I could personally come give you a hug, but I know you wouldn't give it hahaha 😁

awkwardism dissent
07/30/15 2:26 pm

If she is completely trustworthy and capable of keeping track of money well, no. If she lies about money all the time and can't pay the bills, yes.

Amykl75
07/30/15 2:20 pm

I've never understood separate bank accounts, or keeping a secret account. My husband and I have had a joint account since we were 18, everything is 'ours' not 'yours' & 'mine'!

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PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
07/30/15 4:36 pm

Honestly, I'll probably want a separate account when I'm married because I've not been the best with finances and, while I'm getting much better, I'd rather not have immediate access to the household accounts. It will be a joint decision though.

CoffeeNow Powderpuff Leftist
07/30/15 5:45 pm

"I've never understood separate bank accounts"

The #1 reason couples fight is money. Separate accounts can go a long way to minimizing those disagreements and I think they are a great idea.

slickspin Heart of Texas
07/31/15 8:37 am

We've been married 25 years. All separate checked and credit cards. Join savings. We have NEVER had an argument about money. We each pay our own bills and each pays specific household bills. Both contribute to savings. Easy peasy...

smacc DunningKruger
07/30/15 2:12 pm

I don't even get the separate account thing. I know state laws are different but, aren't finances communal in most.

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jvc1133 61535
07/30/15 2:08 pm

Always did.

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ZaQ777 Pittsburgh
07/30/15 2:07 pm

Only in extreme cases, and even in those cases, having a secret account is only treating the symptom, not the actual problem.

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smacc DunningKruger
07/30/15 2:07 pm

The only reasons for this are bad.

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slickspin Heart of Texas
07/31/15 8:38 am

Like saving for a gift or a surprise trip???

Jeninerd Hoth, AK
07/30/15 2:00 pm

Acceptable? Sure. It's not my place to manage another person's relationship. Or finances. While the need for secrecy may or may not indicate a lack of trust or presence of other issues, the account itself is not the problem.

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gonzoboy Arizona
07/30/15 1:58 pm

I'm not spoused up, but this is distasteful. If I found out my spouse had withheld a secret account, I'd feel distrusted, and in a way, not very important.
Next: "I wonder what other things she's hiding from me, and what does it mean for our future?"

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BamaGirl ROLL TIDE from Arizona
07/30/15 3:11 pm

I couldn't agree more.

CalCoolidge Tuscaloosa, AL
07/30/15 1:54 pm

Only if it's from their own source of disposable income.

smacc DunningKruger
07/30/15 2:08 pm

What isn't their own source? What does that even mean?

hemikid1993
07/30/15 1:50 pm

I notice the heavy gambling centered states are all for secret bank accounts. In these cases, I'm all for it.

shygal47 Florida east coast
07/30/15 3:29 pm

Vermont and New Mexico are heavily gambling states? interesting.