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StilettoMiss July 30th, 2015 8:00am

I think I take this whole not being able to sleep thing in stride most nights. But tonight it's seriously wearing me down as the cold fear of PTSD grips my racing heart. If you're asleep right now, I hope you're having sweet dreams, fellow SoHers.

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commonsense America isnt racist
07/31/15 12:26 pm

My roommate use to solve that by drinking until he passed out. It's not easy to deal with.

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catpillow Florida West Coast
07/30/15 6:05 pm

I don't sleep well either because my mind often races through unpleasant thoughts. I'm getting some help from a headband with speakers in each ear. I can hear it, but no one else can, I plug it into my iPhone and listen to the surf, or podcasts, or

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catpillow Florida West Coast
07/30/15 6:06 pm

books. I find that keeps my mind away from the bad thoughts and helps me sleep.

The speakers are so thin, I can barely feel them.

www.acousticsheep.com

FATSHADOW Cyborg Gorilla
07/30/15 3:03 pm

I dont think I've slept good in 20years.

shygal47 Florida east coast
07/30/15 11:25 am

I am sorry ... I wish I could help ease your pain and fears. Know that there are people that would share the load if they could.

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leilu SoCal
07/30/15 9:54 am

Although my experiences differ greatly from yours I can tell you that talking with a therapist really helped me. I hated reaching in those dark places but it had to be done so I could heal and be free of some ugliness. It sucked but it worked.

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Laserbeam Crazy bird lady
07/30/15 9:49 am

My friend who is a combat veteran swears by using MMJ for his PTSD. Perhaps you're open to giving that a try?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 10:59 am

I would love to, but I'm also a federal employee and that's not allowed so I don't quite have the option. When I was in college the VA doctors gave it to me and it was really helpful

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/30/15 9:11 am

Oh man, do I know how that goes. My doctor added a sleeping pill to my list of meds so I could sleep through my nightmares.

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/30/15 9:12 am

That sounds bad, the medication doesn't make me suffer through them or anything, I have them way less now is all.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 9:13 am

They give me Ativan but I try not to take it super often because it makes me really lethargic for a long time even after waking up -- maybe I should try something else?

FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
07/30/15 9:23 am

Im pretty sure mine is trazodone now and I don't experience anything in the morning, well not anything "extra" anyways.

ronderman North Carolina
07/30/15 6:54 am

Hope you were able to drift off for a few hours.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 8:35 am

I crashed around 3 and was up at 7, which is pretty good (for me)

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/30/15 6:27 am

I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you tried talk therapy?

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/30/15 6:28 am

The night before last we slept on the couch at my sons house. Barney snored so loud I could not get in a deep sleep. I took a double dose of my medication drifted off to sleep around five and the kids got up at seven. There's not much nicer than

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/30/15 6:29 am

being woke up with a hug from a three-year-old.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 8:37 am

I've been giving it more of a go lately, which is bringing all sorts of horrific memories back to the surface

TopsQueen Oregon Coast
07/30/15 1:00 pm

Honey I'm so sorry, maybe bringing them up hope you like bringing pus up from a wound you can get it drained out more. I wonder if it would help if your mother made a soothing tape that you could play at night.

voc I am...what I am
07/30/15 6:11 am

I have insomnia regularly. I can't imagine having it because of ptsd. That would suck. Sorry.

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FlipFlopGirl Sic semper tyrannis
07/30/15 5:28 am

I was up most of the night too. It sucks.

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rbrown Kansas
07/30/15 5:26 am

My best to you, SM

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Rosebud Ohio
07/30/15 5:16 am

😕
I'd finally fallen asleep by the time you posted (about 2am my time), but not sleeping sucks. So much more when fear is at play. Certainly not PTSD, but I have anxiety and depression. Meds help a lot, but bedtime can be the worst time of the day.

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Rosebud Ohio
07/30/15 5:18 am

Can't calm the mind. I've stopped even trying to sleep lately, until I'm really tired. Helps some at least.
Hope you were able to get some decent sleep at some point Kay. Nice and peaceful without thoughts or dreams.

ImageAccess
07/30/15 4:28 am

Not sleeping either.

Sitting here watching Zero Hour on Netflix. Not a bad series. You have to try and find something to ground you.

Check your messages later Stil, going to draft up one and send it over.

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HappyLez No Worries... Be Happy
07/30/15 1:53 am

Sorry... not sleeping is hard
Have you tried warm milk?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 2:06 am

I have...my girlfriend suggested a nightlight. That may help. Whenever the darkness envelops me my mind starts messing with me and when I close my eyes I see the pieces of people I recovered in Iraq or the bodies waiting for transfer cases and

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 2:07 am

I turn into a complete mess because it feels like someone's standing on my chest and I can hardly breathe. It makes me feel broken and self-conscious, but she's so good to me. I feel like I don't deserve her

Rosebud Ohio
07/30/15 5:21 am


The best ones that care of you when you're more vulnerable. Don't ever feel like you don't deserve the love, attention, and at temps of help from someone who cares and loves you.

FacePalm That Trick Never Works
07/30/15 1:29 am

I am sorry 8( I too have sleepless nights & nightmarish dreams regularly. I was bullied as a child and lack adequate defenses against emotional hurts. I have heard it is another form of PTSD. I don't know that but, I hope you find some rest, soon.

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StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:53 am

I'm sorry =\ I hope you do, too

FacePalm That Trick Never Works
07/31/15 12:34 am

Another night arrives... Sending good wishes for a peaceful night.

I also use Trazadone to help me sleep.

genuflect University of Minnesota
07/30/15 1:19 am

My thoughts go out for you. I'll probably be up until tomorrow night at this rate. :/

genuflect University of Minnesota
07/30/15 1:30 am

Anxiety issues. In this case, a paralyzing fear of death. Just thinking about ceasing to exist forever, with none of this having meant anything. Plus side to it, it motivates me to make the most of this temporarily meaningful life.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:48 am

Sorry to hear that. I'm up almost every night so if you ever need to vent...I'm only a message away

genuflect University of Minnesota
07/30/15 3:31 am

That's a very kind offer. I'm glad there are still good people on this app.

EnderWiggin So disillusioned...
07/30/15 1:11 am

My Mrs has had insomnia often since she was pregnant. Stress from work.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:13 am

I'm sorry to hear that...I've been dealing with it for about a decade, and I wish I could say it gets easier, but it hasn't yet

swervin Maryland
07/30/15 1:07 am

It's 1706 right now, so I will be up for the next few hours.

swervin Maryland
07/30/15 1:14 am

I don't like to talk about my experience to just anyone, but when I finally did open up about it, I felt better. I'm sure you already have, but perhaps you should again.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:22 am

I have been lately, which has brought all this stuff I bottled up to the surface...my therapist says it has to get worse before it gets better, but I'm not sure how much "worse" I can handle as I'm at a combined 8 hours of sleep for the past 2-3 days

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:23 am

sometimes it makes me wonder if it wasn't better just keeping those things bottled up. Talking about them every few days has only made me think about them more and I fucking hate that more than my simple words could ever express.

swervin Maryland
07/30/15 1:36 am

Keeping things bottled up is not the right way.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
07/30/15 1:51 am

I think you're right...it just makes it hard to function in the short term, on nights like tonight where the overwhelming feeling of sleeplessness leads to both anger and sadness mixed together