Show of HandsShow of Hands

JustBob July 28th, 2015 1:59pm

Joe (15) stays over at a friend's house and wakes to his friend's 16 yo sister trying to molest him. He goes to the cops and no charges are filed. He starts spreading the story at school. She goes to the principal to stop him. Should he silence Joe?

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Comments: Add Comment

missblank101 Ithaca, New York
07/30/15 5:10 am

Since when is molestation and rape considered a male on female illegal act only?

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Rosebud Ohio
07/30/15 5:08 am

Without so much as charged brought about (which, if the police dropped it, it's possible) there's no more proof as far as the principal knows than he said/she said. Stopping the comments during school would be the only option.

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Rosebud Ohio
07/30/15 5:11 am

However, nothing is stopping Joe from forming a club dealing with sexual abuse and the intention of helping victims and getting accusations taken more seriously by the police!

logicalphallus Minnesota
07/29/15 9:51 pm

The principal doesn't have the facts, he doesn't know what happened, the boy could be lying for all he knows. Rape is a serious accusation to make against someone, and it probably isn't right to allow the rumor to continue without proof.

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logicalphallus Minnesota
07/29/15 9:54 pm

But at the same time, you don't wanna make it look like you're trying to cover for a rapist. Actually if the boy tells the principal he has been raped, the principal is legally obligated to tell the authorities, so that's the first thing he should do

F1Dan Parked in your spot
07/29/15 6:56 pm

Joe does not shed his rights to freedom of speech at the schoolhouse gate.

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USNavyVet Sonar Man STG2
07/29/15 6:54 am

Boy I dreamed of being molested by my friends sister.😍😀😂😜😗

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STEVE64 Michigan
07/29/15 3:26 am

If the police couldn't find proof, neither can the school. From the principals perspective he could be lying. Since that's the case, the principal would have to protect the girl.
Of course in a perfect world though, this wouldn't happen

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F1Dan Parked in your spot
07/29/15 6:59 pm

The principal has no right to presume that either kid is being truthful or to silence either. The boy still has his rights of free speech at school and if that speech is defamatory or otherwise prohibited, the girl can contact the law about it.

STEVE64 Michigan
07/29/15 7:05 pm

Freedom of speech never really fully applied in school, you still can't curse up a storm and at the very least (from the principal's perspective) he's harassing her.
Again, i don't like this but that's how this would play out

ThatsSoReagan
07/28/15 10:44 pm

freedom of speech!

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Brandon2018 Stocks Are Overvalued
07/28/15 4:54 pm

If she is ugly, press charges. If she is sexy, enjoy.

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Tausif7 California
07/28/15 4:44 pm

Man I wish I were Joe lol

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aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 6:59 pm

This kind of thing is why male victims dont get taken seriously.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/28/15 8:05 pm

Serious question, assuming that there are people who would've wanted to be in Joe's situation, are those people wrong for feeling the way that they do? Should they suppress it, or never speak of such things?

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 10:05 pm

No, they are not wrong. However, it is insensitive and cruel to project it onto someone who feels violated, especially when the action is violating consent. It also further alienates and silences men who are victims of sex crimes in a society that

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 10:06 pm

Frequently dismisses these cases.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/28/15 10:23 pm

I'm not seeing it, I didn't hear anything cruel or insensitive about tausif's statement. I simply heard an expression of his own desires. I would argue that by shaming that expression may also be seen as an attempt to silence and alienate another.

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/29/15 8:21 am

You cant really say you wish you were him without knowing what he went through. It is insensitive from the outside, I cant imagine what it would feel like if someone said that about what happened to me. Its different if its coming from a person who

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/29/15 8:22 am

Has been through this. And even still, its dismissive.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/29/15 8:26 am

Would it be just as dismissive if Joe were to say "I'm glad it happened" to someone else that went through it.

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/29/15 8:30 am

Glad it happened to who? If he means himself, its ok to say as long as he acknowledges the other persons potentially different feelings. It would be horribly insensitive if he said he was glad it happened to the other person, but I think you meant it

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/29/15 8:31 am

The first way how I read it.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/29/15 9:23 am

The first is how I meant it, but I can see how it would be troubling for the other person that had it happen and didn't like it.

Cheeki Kansas
07/29/15 9:51 am

It's kinda insensitive to say things like "I wish I were joe". That's like going to a funeral and loudly saying "man I wish MY mom died."

b4mytime Orange County, CA
07/29/15 1:28 pm

I agree with aj. Let's do our best to stop perpetuating the idea that a male can't be victimized because we are apparently supposed to be ALWAYS up for sexual activity. No consent is no consent, and that needs to be understood.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/29/15 5:56 pm

Free, I think going to the funeral and saying "I wish I were dead" would be more of a comparison

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/29/15 8:48 pm

That may be true, but a funeral really isnt the place for that.

RedHale Texas
07/28/15 3:56 pm

"Oh no! He's going to ruin my reputation by telling everyone!" If you have a problem with your reputation being ruined, why would you try to molest someone in the first place?...

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aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 4:37 pm

^This. Most sexual offenders dont get caught. Not gonna stop the kid.

Yogi2028
07/28/15 3:52 pm

Freedom of
Speech would be violated if he was stopped. Just because he would hurt her feelings doesn't mean he's wrong. And he already went to the police. He should try to police again but still be able to speak about it freely

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johnnycub Bronx
07/28/15 3:17 pm

I think this is OK, the "spreading what happened" part, I mean. If she didn't want a ruined reputation, she shouldn't have molested him.

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libertarianReb In The Woods
07/28/15 2:02 pm

He should stop it from being spread but go to the police

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Korosensei Maine
07/28/15 1:16 pm

No he should get her arrested

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Hooah Fmr. Zia
07/28/15 12:56 pm

Well that shouldn't be spread to other students.

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dlaw4570
07/28/15 12:25 pm

A 16 year old girl molesting a 15 year boy? Hard to believe he's not bragging about...

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cdawg Colorado
07/28/15 1:34 pm

This. This is exactly what's wrong with society. This is so sad.

chinito Florida
07/30/15 6:47 am

You can believe that it is what is wrong with society but that doesn't make what dlaw said. The supermajority of guys would be thrilled. That is just a fact.

Mattwall1
07/31/15 9:19 am

Chinito-no one is denying many teenagers might be thrilled in that type of situation, but that doesn't change the fact that dlaw's comments (and similar ones) in response to something like this are why male victims of things like this report at even

Mattwall1
07/31/15 9:19 am

Lower levels than women do

chinito Florida
07/31/15 10:48 am

I agree with you. A female abusing a male is equally bad that a male abusing a female.
But, there are some differences that makes this much more unlikely to happen. There are exceptions to all of this but generally:

chinito Florida
07/31/15 10:50 am

1. It is easier for a woman to find a sexual partner
2. It is harder for a woman to subdue a man
3. It is more likely than a woman would say no to a man that the other way around

chinito Florida
07/31/15 10:52 am

Of course there are exceptions but one of those 3 options would most likely apply.

Mattwall1
07/31/15 10:53 am

I don't disagree that those three are, generally, true, but I wouldn't say that makes acting like all men want it any more appropriate given the case.

Zod Above Pugetropolis
07/28/15 12:13 pm

If everything he is saying is the truth, what possible reason would anyone have for trying to silence him?

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JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/28/15 1:14 pm

How would we know it's the truth?

Zod Above Pugetropolis
07/28/15 1:42 pm

Because the question laid out what actually happened. But even rewriting it to be just a he said/she said, I'd never advocate silencing an accuser. Just because she wasn't prosecuted doesn't mean it didn't happen. See: Cosby, Bill.

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 7:01 pm

Thanks for saying that zod. Neither of my rapists were prosecuted and Im not an anomaly. Plenty of both sexes arent.

Brrrrrrrrr
07/28/15 11:57 am

This is unconscious female-privilege. You named joe (the victim!) but not his child molesting female tormentor? Given the feminazi world we live in, this unconscious she-vilege is forgivable, but you must actively work to avoid it in the future.

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DonWichita Kansas
07/28/15 11:45 am

No proof, he said / she said. She could almost make a case for malicious slander.

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badattitude no place like home
07/28/15 11:02 am

Oh my god. My greatest fantasy as a teenager. Thanks for ruining it.

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RB20 Indiana
07/28/15 10:46 am

If his story is true, then it's protected by free speech

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Sadaksari
07/28/15 10:42 am

He has a right to speak up about it. But, without proof, many may only consider it to be slander or gossip. Schools have every right to stop what they consider to be gossip or slander.

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Sadaksari
07/28/15 10:42 am

Though once the word is out, it is out. They won't truly be able to stop people from talking about it.
He should do his research and see if there is anything else that he can do legally.

JustBob Your anger fascinates me
07/28/15 11:45 am

Or he tried and it was kicked down for some reason

johnnycub Bronx
07/28/15 3:12 pm

Could be that the age of consent isn't 16, so no statutory rape was committed, thus no charges.

johnnycub Bronx
07/28/15 3:13 pm

Of course this could still be sexual assault

johnnycub Bronx
07/29/15 5:57 am

Right but it said that he went to the cops. So did the cops ignore him, was it somehow legal (unlikely), or is it that 15-year-old victims can't press charges?

Tanc
07/28/15 10:42 am

If he tried going to the police he is clearly serious about the situation. Your rationalization of this is blaming the victim and that, my friend, is disgusting. Just bc you didn't see something happens does not mean someone is lying.

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Tanc
07/28/15 10:42 am

Oops, didn't land on the correct thread.

Cheeki Kansas
07/28/15 9:54 am

It's gross that people are commenting stuff like "what was wrong with him? Why couldn't that have happened to me when i was his age?" Rape is rape, regardless of gender. Grow up and be respectful

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Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:17 am

😔 welcome to SoH. Unfortunately this happens sometimes.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:20 am

FreeLark, I agree 100%. Just because some people may have messed up fantasies or raging hormones, doesn't make it okay to disregard the fact that if this situation were real, someone just got raped.

aj1545 Cat Lady
07/28/15 7:04 pm

Yep. And then the same people jump into conversations about female victims with "what about the men?" Yeah, what about them? Its disgusting how people assume he wants it because hes male on here, things like "lol im jealous". Wow.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 9:12 am

Of course he should stop the rumors. Even if it's true.

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PresWK Minnesota
07/28/15 10:16 am

Rumors mean they're not true, if it is true then they shouldn't stop students from telling what happened to them

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 10:18 am

Of course they should stop. School is not a place for telling lies. The student should take it to the police or her parents. Ruining someone's reputation true/not is not the way to handle that.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:19 am

But he's not lying...

Tanc
07/28/15 10:19 am

"School is not the place for telling lies". Okay well it isn't a lie so what is your point?

PresWK Minnesota
07/28/15 10:20 am

Yeah, he's not lying, she deserves every ounce of public humiliation she receives, you can't hide from what you've done

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 10:21 am

Because there's no proof.

Tanc
07/28/15 10:24 am

So because no one can "prove" anything she should get away with it? If someone says they were molested, you DON'T take that lightly. If this happened to your son or daughter I would hope you wouldn't look at it that way.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:31 am

How does no proof=lies? If that was true, many innocent men would not have their lives ruined by girls trying to get attention. Then again, many perverted guys would roam free.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 10:35 am

Someone in a school environment should not spread rumors (because that's what they are). School is not a place for that. I would hope you encourage your children to seek the proper channels for this kind of stuff. Like police or parents.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 10:37 am

It's a rumor. Here's why: How can you tell the difference between someone seriously accusing someone of this from someone who just wants to ruin someone's reputation?

Tanc
07/28/15 10:38 am

Well if it is a "rumor" it shouldn't go to the police and waste their time. But, in this situation he TRIED going to the place. Also, where else should rumors be spread, huh? Work? The town? Church? Exactly. Your points are so ridiculous.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:39 am

The question stated the police did nothing. Who to go to now? And the difference is: the latter will make up lies about the person, the former will tell the truth.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 10:41 am

And how are people to know the from the person that speaks the truth and the person that spreads lies. You are looking at this from the victims point of view. Look at it from a random students view.

Tanc
07/28/15 10:43 am

If he tried going to the police he's clearly serious about the situation. Your rationalization is blaming the victim and that, my friend, is disgusting. Just because to have not seen what someone went through does not mean they are liars

Tanc
07/28/15 10:44 am

A random students point of view doesn't matter in the situation because it's not about bringing her down or ruining her reputation it's about trying to get justice for what happened to him.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 11:26 am

And why should anyone believe such wild tales?

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 11:37 am

Why should anyone believe female rape victims?

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 11:52 am

Besides, what 15 yr old boy wouldn't want to be molested by a 16 yr old girl?

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 12:04 pm

Lots of people, me included. What a ridiculous statement.
What 15 year old female wouldn't want to be molested by a 16 year old male?

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 12:41 pm

I don't know any boys that would pass that opportunity up. But I do know a lot of girls that would. There's a huge difference in the sexes.

Tanc
07/28/15 12:43 pm

Clearly, you are an ignorant person on this subject. There's no use arguing with someone who discusses this topic so poorly and is so small minded. If you're only argument is "why would he not like that"? Then I just have nothing else to say to you.

Tanc
07/28/15 12:45 pm

Just because there's a huge difference in the sexes doesn't mean girls can just go around raping/molesting boys. Would you feel the same way if it was a 40y/o woman and a 5 y/o boy? Hopefully not. Just bc he is a boy does not mean she was welcome.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 12:48 pm

I don't know......you might want to ask a few 15yr old boys before you outright dismiss that. : )

Tanc
07/28/15 12:53 pm

Idk.. Maybe you should stop thinking that whatever you believe or feel is also how everyone else feels! It is not your place to decide what other people feel. You're making this more about your pervertedness/"opinions" than about helping people.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 12:55 pm

I'm not trying to help anyone. But I do know about human nature and how we are made/work. You it seems, like to deny that aspect of humanity....out of PC I'm guessing.

Tanc
07/28/15 1:01 pm

I'm not denying the how men generally would respond to this. I'm saying, just because most men would not be bothered, does not mean all men are that way. You can't just classify someone as a liar or not believe them because they are different.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 1:50 pm

Also, commonsense, I'm 17. I was 15 two years ago. So unless you're my age or younger (I'm not even sure if you're a guy), I think I know more about what it's like to be a15 year old boy. And we don't want to get raped.

commonsense America isnt racist
07/28/15 3:06 pm

Oh I was a 15yr old boy once. I'm not sure I'd call it rape, lol. Maybe a notch in the belt , but not rape.

Tanc
07/28/15 3:21 pm

Ohhh that's funny. You get to decide what it's called when someone is touched in places they shouldn't be by someone who forces themselves on them? Cool. I didn't know you got to rewrite the definition of rape.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 4:36 pm

I don't think you get to decide the definition of rape, "lol." Oxford defines it as "The crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will." So, yah.

Diogenes FreeMeBe
07/28/15 8:34 am

Was she hideous? What's his problem?Ah! He must be gay.

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SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 9:28 am

Tell that to all the women that have been molested and see how that works out for you.

Diogenes FreeMeBe
07/28/15 9:49 am

I told it to your mom and now here you are!

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 9:53 am

Oh, we're back in sixth grade again? Sorry, I graduated from middle school.

Diogenes FreeMeBe
07/28/15 10:27 am

The question refers to a pubescent 15 yo MALE. You changed the argument to suit your need and illicit a reaction. But what would I know in elementary school other to answer the original fucking question!

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:29 am

You answered it in a juvenile fashion. He obviously didn't enjoy it, and he's not necessarily gay for not enjoying it. He just doesn't have creepy rape fantasies, and he has every right not to.

SticksandStones Stop fearmongering
07/28/15 10:49 am

She could have been ugly. And obviously, this kid is not you.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 8:32 am

I think he should be silenced "at school". School is not the correct place to deal with something that happened outside of school. I think the problem should shut down the talk about the molestation and encourage counseling or further police action.

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Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 8:50 am

But what if she did this before and now another boy, who was afraid to talk before, feels able to step forward now that someone else has?

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 9:03 am

Stepping forward is great and even necessary. It's the place, the school, where this is being discussed, that is the problem for me. The principal shouldn't let this "gossip" spread (I say gossip because the story will become distorted).

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:13 am

Idk kay. They all go to school, it's essentially their workplace. Having to go to work everyday, seeing that person that did that to you and not saying anything? And so what if she did it again? Should the first 2 stay quiet? I'm struggling to

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:14 am

Understand when enough is enough to say something to stop any future problems. Seems like giving the molester a pass to tell the kid not too talk about it, especially with those this would effect. If she wants to file a defamation suit, fine. Let it

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:16 am

Play out. But to tell him he shouldn't be allowed to speak of what happened implies that there's something wrong with him speaking. I don't agree that bec it happened in someone's home, he shouldn't speak of it outside of where it happened. That

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:16 am

Would make it impossible for him to speak at all.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:28 am

Well, one of the principal's jobs is to create a safe, positive learning environment for all his students. Allowing the spread of rumors and gossip runs contrary to that goal. He isn't going to be able to stop all talking about it, that just isn't

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:31 am

possible. And, the principal stating that the subject is closed during school hours is not stopping the male from talking about it. He will find many other outlets to do so. It is simply focusing the students on the goal of schooling.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:33 am

He can and probably should help both students with talking to their social workers and refer them to outside help if possible.

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:36 am

First, I'm curious why this is labeled as a rumor vs him telling his side of the story? Seems to have an implicit neg connotation imo. Just bec no charges were filed, doesn't mean there couldn't have been.

Second, if it's ok to stop this "rumor"

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:37 am

From the point of view of a teacher, I could never allow this discussion in my classroom either. I would need to squash all talk of it and refer it to the counselors.

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:37 am

Then I'd expect the same courtesy every time a rumor was started that could potentially cause an environment where the kids didn't focus on learning. As you said, unrealistic.

Lastly, what if his therapist is helping him by telling him to talk about

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:39 am

Sorry, by rumor, I meant what I said above that the details will be distorted and changed and it won't just be the truth that is talked about. I don't mean that the actual act is a rumor. Just the surrounding "details".

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:40 am

It? That's an extremely common therapy tool. So, essentially he'd be able to talk about anywhere other than the place he spends most of his time, prob encounters the person that molested him & is around the people he's most comfortable with, friends?

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:40 am

I'm sorry to make you angry on this issue. I'm just telling this from the vantage point of a teacher and knowing the atmosphere that will result. I wish I hadn't answered the question.

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:41 am

Kay, I'm not saying disrupt class time, but if he's between classes or at lunch or on his time I think he should be free to speak.

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:44 am

Kay, I'm not angry. I just use a lot of words. Apparently, when I use many of them to explain my pov, people mistake it for anger.

Unless there was something I said specifically that gave you that impression?

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:46 am

I'm sorry you feel like that, that wasn't my intention, at all. I was just trying to discuss this from a different pov than you had.

I'm a bit surprised that you'd think I'd be angry over disagreeing when neither of us attacked the other in any way.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:48 am

Sorry, I'm just having a really bad day. I know you aren't angry. I just shouldn't be debating anyone today. ☺

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 10:52 am

Because I'm feeling down, I'm just taking this personally. My fault! Sorry!

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 10:52 am

*hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
😚
Sorry to hear it, I hope it gets better soon. I couldn't imagine getting angry at you, please always remember that. But let me know if I come across that way. 😉

Let me know if i can help.

Kay41 the Midwest
07/28/15 11:03 am

Thanks, Which! 💟

Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 7:54 am

JB, did you ask this from the female pov before? I'd love to see how the 2 would match up.

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Whichendisup uniquely unoriginal
07/28/15 8:50 am

Better to wait awhile. People will be expecting it. 😁

bluerum29 optimistic idealist
07/28/15 7:43 am

I'm guessing the girl is fugly.

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suppressedID keep Summer safe
07/28/15 8:32 am

Don't ruin my fantasy.

shovelhead someplace with coffee
07/28/15 7:40 am

Molest? Like he woke up to a hand job? Don't report her.........marry the girl.

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suppressedID keep Summer safe
07/28/15 7:37 am

Where were these girls when I was 15?!?

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shovelhead someplace with coffee
07/28/15 8:33 am

At my house..............no really my sister was a whore.


(I couldn't help myself)

Handstand .
07/28/15 7:25 am

He shouldn't be silenced by the school if it did in fact happen. His words can be a warning call to the other students.

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RoDe Latinus wordsus
07/28/15 7:20 am

I love your polls. Another tricky one. I don't think he needs to be silenced, I'd more concerned with the presence of a molester on campus. That she's a girl really shouldn't be a factor. It's tough because the police didn't do anything.

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smacc DunningKruger
07/28/15 7:03 am

Maybe for his own good. I assume there is no evidence.

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Nemacyst No Lives Matter
07/28/15 7:16 am

This user is currently being ignored

smacc DunningKruger
07/28/15 7:19 am

It's very likely to backfire. He could be accused of slander. Spreading what could be considered rumors is not the way to go. The principal could council him and his parents to go though the proper authorities. I would say the same for a girl.

jrpacman Pensum iocus est
07/28/15 7:20 am

I would love to see the reactions if the roles were reversed.

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
07/28/15 7:21 am

This user is currently being ignored

smacc DunningKruger
07/28/15 7:32 am

True, hard to prove either way. That does not prevent the accusation. In the end likely no proof of either.

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
07/28/15 7:57 am

This user is currently being ignored

smacc DunningKruger
07/28/15 9:06 am

Sorry, convicted without evidence? Are we talking about a pedophile?