Show of HandsShow of Hands

Show Of Hands September 11th, 2012 12:00am

Your (4 month old) baby has been fed and changed, but is crying in her crib. Do you go hold her until she falls asleep in your arms, or let her cry herself to sleep in her crib?

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EIT Near You
09/15/12 9:23 am

Play it by ear. I'd wait a certain time period, nothing excessive and then go.

tsk California
09/13/12 5:26 pm

Feeding isn't enough. Neglected infants can die w/o human contact. So you should hold them. And remember to burp after feeding.

whyn0t Denver
09/13/12 3:49 pm

Is she sick, tired, hot or cold, teething, gassy, etc, etc... are there any other mitigating factors? Babies aren't iPhones, there isn't an answer to this question without all of the information.

GrandmaALiCE Rocky Mtns aerial view
09/13/12 7:38 am

In summary, let's give each other a bit of slack and admit there nobody has all of the answers.

GrandmaALiCE Rocky Mtns aerial view
09/13/12 7:36 am

(4) Now, I have 2 adult children and 4 grandchildren. I did my best, but I made mistakes. We all do, because we are human.

GrandmaALiCE Rocky Mtns aerial view
09/13/12 7:28 am

(3) The question was very specific that the baby is 4 months old. Many of the comments seem to assume a much older child. A 4-month does not have the mental development to manipulate his parents. If he cries, it is for a reason, even if the parents can't tell what the reason is.

GrandmaALiCE Rocky Mtns aerial view
09/13/12 7:26 am

(2) WhenI was young and did not yet have children, I thought I knew all about raising children. I was very intolerant of other people, who I thought were making mistakes. After I had my own children, I was ashamed to look back and realize how arrogant I had been.

GrandmaALiCE Rocky Mtns aerial view
09/13/12 7:22 am

Several things strike about this conversation. (1) Every child is different. Every mother and every father is different. Every family situation is different. What works for your first child may not work for your second or third child. There are no (or, at least, very few) hard and fast rules.

hapbgme
09/13/12 6:07 am

But every child deserves to know there are loved and are safe. So I will not condemn any parent who wants the best for their children. Everyday you here of a child killed or sexually molested etc. We need more parents to care for their children. I

hapbgme
09/13/12 6:05 am

And want the very best for them. Believe it or not I wasn't shown love as a child because that's the generation I came from. I too knew all the answers. But it's the attitude I know more than my parents did. Every child is different want works on one child may not work on another.

hapbgme
09/13/12 6:00 am

I don't think I read anything about ignoring a child. What makes me sad is this newer generation of parents. Reading a book DOES NOT make you a good parent. Being in tune with your child's needs and wants. Love doesn't need a book to explain how to show it. I am not suggesting that mother's who love

sal10851 Eastern Tennessee
09/13/12 5:00 am

Let the kid get used to being ignored which is what happens when we grow up anyway.

missyf South Carolina
09/13/12 12:58 am

You TRAIN a dog. You RAISE a child. Hopefully an independent, confident and compassionate child/adult. That won't happen if you abandon them when they need you the most. I could never bear to hear anyone's helpless baby scream for comfort let alone my own child.

missyf South Carolina
09/13/12 12:56 am

Already have everything they need. Warmth, food, the comfort of being near mommy. Biologically that's what babies NEED. Parents needs don't override biology. It doesn't spoil a child. It teaches them that their parents are there for them and to trust them implicitly. Sleep "training"?!?

missyf South Carolina
09/13/12 12:53 am

Yes, I am an attachment parent. I let my children self-wean from nursing, wear them in an ergonomic carrier instead of throwing them in a stroller, bed-share. Absolutely pick up that child! But if you are a co-sleeping, breastfeeding mom then chances are that kid isn't crying anyway because they

maggiemaev
09/12/12 9:19 pm

Hold that baby! Babies need love and comfort!

NJConserve New Jersey
09/12/12 9:03 pm

Wow so many bad parents. You always let the child cry it out. Read a book or learn from your grandparents jeez


09/12/12 7:41 pm

And I love my sweet little grandma, so she didn't scar me for life


09/12/12 7:40 pm

As a matter of fact, she could never figure out how to get me to fall asleep & stay asleep through the night, so my grandma offered to take me for a few days. Lo and behold I was sleeping through the night after grandma was done with me. No idea what she did, but it was probably pretty old school.


09/12/12 7:37 pm

My mom did not co-sleep & I am extremely independent, with no psychological problems.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 6:31 pm

Lol@ my mom learned how to raise me from online! There was no Internet for my mom to look things up, but she did go to the library! I was not left to cry and I have always been independent.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 6:27 pm

My husband has no problem with our babies In the bed. We have a King sized bed, so there is plenty of room for all of us to sleep comfortably. He loves the extra snuggled he gets, especially in the mornings, since he works and goes to school. It does not effect our relationship one bit :)

hapbgme
09/12/12 6:04 pm

Husband/mate, if your children sleep with you he too is ok with it? Because when your children grow up I hope you don't find you are all alone because he got tired of waiting for it to be his turn. Remember your in America!

hapbgme
09/12/12 6:03 pm

Ok I don't need to learn anything at this point in my life about raising a child but me or your parents did read how to be a parent online and yes we made mistakes as you will. Your children will grow up and leave the nest you have so carefully made for them, you haven't said a thing about your

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:56 pm

You're the one who stated you were a mother and grandmother, as if you knew better, yet you are unwilling to learn. Perhaps you are afraid of the guilt you would have knowing you did something the wrong way. I have lots of friends who feel the same as I do, so I guess my social skills are fine.

hapbgme
09/12/12 4:51 pm

On your children because your social skills need work, research that!

hapbgme
09/12/12 4:50 pm

aajaashkea@ since I am so old let me explain to you, if a baby picks up their own bottle or pacifier they ARE self soothing, he they lay in their bassinets and coo and t"talk" there are self soothing. I don't know you or your children but insulting me shows me that all of you"knowledge" is used

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:47 pm

If you can't stand the great sacrifice and have the patience to raise children gently, yet firmly, then you have no business having them.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:46 pm

Btw, I believe babies just give up, they learn that they will not have the need to be held met, so they shut down. They do not self soothe. I think the results show a lot of what is wrong with people.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:43 pm

So I'd say we are doing a pretty darn , or great, job at being the best parents we can be!

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:42 pm

She gets up and gets her own breakfast in the mornings. She talks to me, not whines at me. I'm have always been complemented on how smart and good she is. I treat her like a person who wants to learn and who has opinions that matter. She respects her dad and I.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:39 pm

FWIW, not that it is to you, but my kids aren't clingy and needy. They don't throw huge tantrums when they don't get their way. My 4yr old transitioned into her own bed with absolutely no tears! She has never felt abandoned, because we never left her to cry herself to sleep as a baby.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:36 pm

And pulling the age card only shows how narrow minded you are. Just because it's been done in your family for generations doesn't make it right. Educate yourself, your never too old to learn. You will never live long enough to be the know-it-all you seem to fancy yourself.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 4:34 pm

You say I'm close minded? I actually do research before making decisions when it comes to my kids. But you are the one saying you don't want to look outside of America. America is not the best at everything. Shocker!!

flteachr
09/12/12 4:12 pm

4 months is still very young...lots of love & comfort!

hapbgme
09/12/12 2:45 pm

Oh yes, ajaashkea I also wanted to say this is America and I am an American so I have never been curious enough to different child raising. As I said I was the oldest of 5 children and I have children and grandchildren. I'm just saying

hapbgme
09/12/12 2:42 pm

Didn't believe in self soothing and is your are closed minded to that fact then you are not open to be the best you can be as a parent. That is just my personal opinion, I hope your children grow up happy, healthy and independent adults.

hapbgme
09/12/12 2:39 pm

A baby feel loved and safe. I know I have been around children my entire life and I can tell when a child needs to feel safe. Our age difference is apparent but that doesn't mean anything to me but that you have the attitude that your way is the only way. You started our debate by telling me you

hapbgme
09/12/12 2:37 pm

Ajaashkea@ I am not sure why you are getting so defensive, I just happen to disagree with you. It's your right as a parent to raise your children best to your ability. I believe in self soothing and if you really know your babies behavior you will know what needs to be done. The bottom line is that

kianiwaters Somewhere Over There
09/12/12 12:26 pm

Letting a baby CIO is wrong. Do your research people, if they baby is going to cry its best to do so in a place that baby feels safe, secure, and loved.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 12:16 pm

Do some research and you will see how detrimental the CIO method is.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 12:15 pm

And you are wrong, there is no self soothing, even if you give them a pacifier, it is the pacifier soothing, not themselves!

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 12:12 pm

I don't have to explain anything to you, nor do I care if you believe me. My 4 year old has no problem talking to people about anything. She is confident. She struck up a conversation with an elderly man at the airport just last month and talked with him the entire time we were waiting to depart.

chickenwrangler Texas
09/12/12 12:09 pm

Co sleeping isn't a new way of parenting! It has gone on since humans started procreating! Look outside of America and you will see just how normal it is.

hapbgme
09/12/12 10:44 am

And please don't explain you are intimate with your children in your bed although I have already heard that happens. You can't tell me ajaash that your children are independent because I ain't buying that!

hapbgme
09/12/12 10:41 am

With the child being in your bed I believe is wrong. You are teaching the child dependency on you. Not only that it's a way of not being intimate with your spouse. Putting a child in your bed for a few mins. Is to comfort them. Getting them in your bed all night is not healthy for them or you.

hapbgme
09/12/12 10:36 am

Ajaash@ there IS self soothing, when I was talking about that it depends on the child's cry, if they are whimpering than they are needing that touch to know younger there. If they are screaming of course you hold them. As a parent to can distinguish between the two. This new way of parenting