Need some advice! I have to go to a conference in DC. My hubby can go with me for a partially paid short vacation over a weekend. We love DC! Problem is, that weekend is my 16 yr old daughter's birthday. She says he should go. We feel guilty.
Go! Plan some awesome surprise for her while your away - send flowers or an edible arrangement. Skype to sing happy birthday. Bring an unexpected gift home for her. There are so many ways to celebrate her birth w/o actually being there.
Also, thank her for her thoughtfulness and appreciation for your time as a couple. She sounds like a great kid who isn't lacking love or support from her parents.
Go as long as she will be properly monitored while you are gone and isn't responsible for younger siblings. Then do sometime really nice together when you return. She won't remember actual birthday but will have great memories of time spent together!
My parents left me for Hawaii during my 9th or 10th bday and all my mom did was send a text to my emergency flip phone saying happy birthday, not even a call. I had some separation anxiety due to my parents divorce so I felt really upset.
Man, that's a tough one, if she can't get the exam scheduled early. Sounds like a really smart and focused kid. I'd go with what she wants - we can do her birthday thing a little early or late, and there's always Skype/FaceTime the day of.
The other funny thing about this is we went to DC as a family this summer and we're going again spring break with her marching band, so she's not feeling like she's missing out that much either.
And yes, she'd a fabulous kid I could brag on forever!
Haha I really hope this doesn't come off wrong but she'll probably have a better birthday if both parents are out of town lol. That's at least how it worked for me. If you trust her not to burn down the house, you should both go.
Well if your daughter wants you to go, better stay or take her with you. Take it from a man who has 4 daughters, at 16 if they want you to do something there are other plans in the making!
Yep sons are worse! I am get the full course because they tell me now of the stuff they thought they got away with! If the walls of our house could talk!
At 47, my daughter is only now telling me some of the things she used to do as a teenager. So far, nothing truly awful, or at least nothing with bad consequences.
Bring her along as a mini birthday vacation! Haha I think your husband should go and you can just raincheck the birthday celebrations. I'm sure she'll really enjoy staying at her bff's house as well.
I have sons not daughters but I know they would have been delighted to stay with friends for their birthday. You will probably go overboard to celebrate when you return so it will be a win....win for her. Go!
It sounds like she didn't have a big party planned for that weekend anyway. Go! Have fun. 16 is old enough for her to manage to enjoy the weekend without her parents. And dawl's suggestion to celebrate the next weekend is a good one. Get her a cool
She's a great kid and wouldn't tell us if it bothered her, because she's giving like that. Conversely, we're not a very sentimental family so chances are it really doesn't bother her at all and she'd be fine with a postponed celebration.
Geez, she's a junior in high school and you don't trust her to be home w/o a babysitter? And you didn't make her out to be a punk or anything. I would feel rather condescended. But hey, I don't know her.
Are you a parent? I trust her, I also know she's not an adult yet. She gets creeped out sometimes when she's home alone and the house starts creaking. We live next to house with a young single young
guy and his three roommates who like to drink (actually nice guys but still). She'd end up eating ramen noodles all weekend because it's easier. And that would be a miserable way to spend her birthday, don't you think!
No, I'm not a parent. I'm also not a left-handed Lithuanian gymnast, but I fail to see what that has to with the question at hand. Like I said. I don't know your daughter and if she'd rather not stay by herself, then swell. But the way you phrased...
it makes it seem like you were categorically forbidding it. You don't seem like a rude person so I figured you'd appreciate knowing that you might be spitting in the face of someone you obviously care about.
I think being a parent is relevant in this context. Yes, I am not going to give my daughter the option of staying home alone for 4 days. It's not rudeness, it's parenting. It's not a democracy.
While I would consider any arguments she might make, she doesn't get a vote on issues that her father and I deem safety issues.
I'm not trying to be her friend, I'm her mother.
Well sure. And I fully acknowledge the fact that you are not required to either respect or trust your children. But you should realize that if you choose to make such unilateral decisions a lack of respect and or trust MAY be understood.
Which as I said, may be acceptable and necessary for you. Your call. I only wish to make you aware of what message you're sending that you may not have even realized.
JJ, you keep bringing up respect but I don't see that as an issue, nor should it be. As a parent is it disrespectful to protect and care for your child even if they disagree. By your
analysis, I might have offended or disrespected her when I made her eat her veggies, when I told her she couldn't have a sleepover on a school night, when I wouldn't drop her and a
friend off at the mall alone when they were 11, when I said no, you can't take a friend and drive thru heavy traffic for an hour to the big mall a week after you got your drivers license. This isn't about respect, it's about parenting.
I'm more worried that you see it so. Your parents have to make decisions for you. If you resent each time they tell you no, I'd suggest you may want yo take another look. And when/if you become a
parent, don't go overboard with trying to be their friend or respect them. Every parent makes mistakes, I know I have, but one of the most damaging, IMO, is trying to be their friend instead of being their parent.
She's now old enough to decide what veggies she wants to eat, how late she can stay up on school nights (still no sleepovers though), she goes to the mall whenever she needs to and she's proven to be a good driver.
After next year, she'll go away to college and be on her own and I have confidence she'll be just fine. But she's not there yet. She's still my child and its my responsibility to make some decisions for her.
Sorry dawl! I'll stop now. It's probably some strange psychotic compulsion that makes me rant at least once a quarter. Glad I got it out of my system. Again, apologies.
Dawl, you must be a parent. I can tell because you seem to have that dismissive "your opinion is invalid because you can't possibly understand" attitude. Which, I should add, makes you the problem with adults in general.
Sojourner, I'm not suggesting you should ever try to be your child's friend. I'm not even suggesting you should change your parenting style. I was simply opining that IMO she seems old enough to handle the responsibility. And you should know...
that if she feels the same way, you ought to at least give fair heed to her point of view, and not stick unequivocally to you (admittedly sometimes flawed) worldview otherwise, otherwise she will feel condescended. Which is just contrary to how...
one person ought to treat another regardless of who they are.
Not to mention as someone who recently left home, you should listen when I say, if you try to let your kid off the leash all at once, it's SIGNIFICANTLY harder for you.
So no, I'm not a parent but I have dealt with them (IMO quite successfully) on this exact topic.
It was actually around that age that my mom and I had a huge fight about taking a step back. So, in short, you should just know that the time may...
happen soon when you need to be just another smidge less protective.
And if you acknowledge that time when and if it comes, it'll be smoother and happier for everyone.
I just want you to have the benefit of my experience.
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