Need some advice! I have to go to a conference in DC. My hubby can go with me for a partially paid short vacation over a weekend. We love DC! Problem is, that weekend is my 16 yr old daughter's birthday. She says he should go. We feel guilty.
Go! Plan some awesome surprise for her while your away - send flowers or an edible arrangement. Skype to sing happy birthday. Bring an unexpected gift home for her. There are so many ways to celebrate her birth w/o actually being there.
Also, thank her for her thoughtfulness and appreciation for your time as a couple. She sounds like a great kid who isn't lacking love or support from her parents.
Go as long as she will be properly monitored while you are gone and isn't responsible for younger siblings. Then do sometime really nice together when you return. She won't remember actual birthday but will have great memories of time spent together!
My parents left me for Hawaii during my 9th or 10th bday and all my mom did was send a text to my emergency flip phone saying happy birthday, not even a call. I had some separation anxiety due to my parents divorce so I felt really upset.
Should I stay or should I go now?
That song was playing in my head as I typed the answers!
If she says go, then go. Teens love having time away from their parents.
She can throw a house party while you're gone.
Can you take her along? A birthday on even a short vacation trip is way better than a vacation at home.
I meant better than a birthday at home when you are on vacation.
She'd miss school and one final exam. As a 4.0 student this would completely wig her out.
Man, that's a tough one, if she can't get the exam scheduled early. Sounds like a really smart and focused kid. I'd go with what she wants - we can do her birthday thing a little early or late, and there's always Skype/FaceTime the day of.
The other funny thing about this is we went to DC as a family this summer and we're going again spring break with her marching band, so she's not feeling like she's missing out that much either.
And yes, she'd a fabulous kid I could brag on forever!
Can you take her too?
Go. It will make her day. #party
Obviously take her with you.
It's a landmark birthday. You need to be there with her.
No such thing....
Her 17th? We had a big party for 16, but I didn't think 17 was a biggie?
I misread. My daughter would have said "go" but deep down would have felt slighted.
That's my fear here too.
See well that's my feeling.
But if it was me, I wouldn't have minded as long as my parents didn't forget it entirely.
Go. Bring her home a gift and have a big celebration at her favorite restaurant when you get back.
If you go she'll have a huge kegger and have it cleaned up just in time for you when you walk through the door. Everybody wins.
I ke thinking of Risky Business.
I would say it depends on what her plans are. Spending your birthday alone isn't fun.
I have a suspicion she won't be spending it alone...
I spent my 19th birthday alone... Some of us don't have a lot of friends.
Yes, I also had that experience...
Stay you only turn 16 once. Make it special
You only turn every age once, so what.
For teenage girls in America turning 16 is a big deal. Like in Mexico when a girl turns 15.
It will be her 17th. She's 16 now.
Haha I really hope this doesn't come off wrong but she'll probably have a better birthday if both parents are out of town lol. That's at least how it worked for me. If you trust her not to burn down the house, you should both go.
Go so she can have that epic party
17 is a stupid age. She probably sincerely does not mind doing something with friends.
As long as you celebrate her birthday, it should be ok for you to go. You can both call her on the actual day, too.
Go, but make the birthday celebration extra special before or after the trip.
Exactly what I was going to say. Also leave her a few surprises before you leave and then tell her where they are on her birthday.
I love that idea!
I love the idea of surprises for her!
Well if your daughter wants you to go, better stay or take her with you. Take it from a man who has 4 daughters, at 16 if they want you to do something there are other plans in the making!
Lol! That would be true of my son, but daughter not so much. And I completely trust the parents she'd be staying with!
Yep sons are worse! I am get the full course because they tell me now of the stuff they thought they got away with! If the walls of our house could talk!
At 47, my daughter is only now telling me some of the things she used to do as a teenager. So far, nothing truly awful, or at least nothing with bad consequences.
Bring her along as a mini birthday vacation! Haha I think your husband should go and you can just raincheck the birthday celebrations. I'm sure she'll really enjoy staying at her bff's house as well.
Bringing her along would kind of defeat the weekend getaway! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!
Get her a separate hotel room! Haha if my parents brought me traveling with them I'd have no problem staying on the other side of town!
But honestly if you and your husband go, she'd likely be alright with it :) have a great trip by the way!
I have sons not daughters but I know they would have been delighted to stay with friends for their birthday. You will probably go overboard to celebrate when you return so it will be a win....win for her. Go!
It sounds like she didn't have a big party planned for that weekend anyway. Go! Have fun. 16 is old enough for her to manage to enjoy the weekend without her parents. And dawl's suggestion to celebrate the next weekend is a good one. Get her a cool
gift in DC! ;)
I will (either way). But like I said below, my guilt will probably work in her favor when it comes to getting her bday presents!
Go and have a make up party the following weekend!
She would stay at her bffs house if he goes with me. We are NOT leaving her alone.
Sounds like what any 16 year old would want to do for their Bday!
She's a great kid and wouldn't tell us if it bothered her, because she's giving like that. Conversely, we're not a very sentimental family so chances are it really doesn't bother her at all and she'd be fine with a postponed celebration.
She's also smart enough to know our feeling guilty will translate into bigger/more presents for her!
Geez, she's a junior in high school and you don't trust her to be home w/o a babysitter? And you didn't make her out to be a punk or anything. I would feel rather condescended. But hey, I don't know her.
Are you a parent? I trust her, I also know she's not an adult yet. She gets creeped out sometimes when she's home alone and the house starts creaking. We live next to house with a young single young
guy and his three roommates who like to drink (actually nice guys but still). She'd end up eating ramen noodles all weekend because it's easier. And that would be a miserable way to spend her birthday, don't you think!
No, I'm not a parent. I'm also not a left-handed Lithuanian gymnast, but I fail to see what that has to with the question at hand. Like I said. I don't know your daughter and if she'd rather not stay by herself, then swell. But the way you phrased...
it makes it seem like you were categorically forbidding it. You don't seem like a rude person so I figured you'd appreciate knowing that you might be spitting in the face of someone you obviously care about.
I think being a parent is relevant in this context. Yes, I am not going to give my daughter the option of staying home alone for 4 days. It's not rudeness, it's parenting. It's not a democracy.
While I would consider any arguments she might make, she doesn't get a vote on issues that her father and I deem safety issues.
I'm not trying to be her friend, I'm her mother.
Well sure. And I fully acknowledge the fact that you are not required to either respect or trust your children. But you should realize that if you choose to make such unilateral decisions a lack of respect and or trust MAY be understood.
Which as I said, may be acceptable and necessary for you. Your call. I only wish to make you aware of what message you're sending that you may not have even realized.
JJ, you keep bringing up respect but I don't see that as an issue, nor should it be. As a parent is it disrespectful to protect and care for your child even if they disagree. By your
analysis, I might have offended or disrespected her when I made her eat her veggies, when I told her she couldn't have a sleepover on a school night, when I wouldn't drop her and a
friend off at the mall alone when they were 11, when I said no, you can't take a friend and drive thru heavy traffic for an hour to the big mall a week after you got your drivers license. This isn't about respect, it's about parenting.
I'm more worried that you see it so. Your parents have to make decisions for you. If you resent each time they tell you no, I'd suggest you may want yo take another look. And when/if you become a
parent, don't go overboard with trying to be their friend or respect them. Every parent makes mistakes, I know I have, but one of the most damaging, IMO, is trying to be their friend instead of being their parent.
She's now old enough to decide what veggies she wants to eat, how late she can stay up on school nights (still no sleepovers though), she goes to the mall whenever she needs to and she's proven to be a good driver.
After next year, she'll go away to college and be on her own and I have confidence she'll be just fine. But she's not there yet. She's still my child and its my responsibility to make some decisions for her.
Sojourner please stop explaining yourself to someone who clearly has no idea what parenting is about.
Sorry dawl! I'll stop now. It's probably some strange psychotic compulsion that makes me rant at least once a quarter. Glad I got it out of my system. Again, apologies.
Lol! No apologies necessary, You are an awesome parent, have a FUN trip! :-)
Dawl, you must be a parent. I can tell because you seem to have that dismissive "your opinion is invalid because you can't possibly understand" attitude. Which, I should add, makes you the problem with adults in general.
Sojourner, I'm not suggesting you should ever try to be your child's friend. I'm not even suggesting you should change your parenting style. I was simply opining that IMO she seems old enough to handle the responsibility. And you should know...
that if she feels the same way, you ought to at least give fair heed to her point of view, and not stick unequivocally to you (admittedly sometimes flawed) worldview otherwise, otherwise she will feel condescended. Which is just contrary to how...
one person ought to treat another regardless of who they are.
Not to mention as someone who recently left home, you should listen when I say, if you try to let your kid off the leash all at once, it's SIGNIFICANTLY harder for you.
So no, I'm not a parent but I have dealt with them (IMO quite successfully) on this exact topic.
It was actually around that age that my mom and I had a huge fight about taking a step back. So, in short, you should just know that the time may...
happen soon when you need to be just another smidge less protective.
And if you acknowledge that time when and if it comes, it'll be smoother and happier for everyone.
I just want you to have the benefit of my experience.
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