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BeachSt October 22nd, 2014 8:21pm

Is it rude to ask someone's sexual orientation?

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Sandshrew Centennial
10/23/14 8:11 am

it depends on why you want to know I think, if you are genuinely curious I don't see why it would be

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/23/14 7:51 am

I don't see why it would be rude, as long as it's not asked in an evil way. It's like asking what your race is. It doesnt matter, but it's not rude. They're just curious.

KAnne Atlantic City, NJ
10/23/14 9:05 pm

I think asking about race implies that not only is it an important part of your identity as viewed by others, but that they must fit into a particular box. (As opposed to "Other," "Mixed," or "Prefer not to say.") I also think race is bs though.

Jamin813 Zombieland
10/23/14 4:26 am

Depends on why they need to know

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FacePalm That Trick Never Works
10/23/14 12:22 am

Not if you are interested in dating them...

KAnne Atlantic City, NJ
10/22/14 11:53 pm

Very, unless you're close and the topic comes up. Or if your looking to start a relationship but suspect disinterest. Otherwise, I can't see how it's relevant. I don't take kindly to acquaintances asking even though I am open about my orientation.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/23/14 7:38 am

Interesting. I feel the exact opposite way.

TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
10/22/14 11:09 pm

No. You pretty much have to know so you can avoid offending them.i know what you're going to say, and you're right, but I'm being honest. I don't want to offend.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/23/14 7:39 am

I agree. Although I dont think it's so I can avoid offending anybody.

tayen Illinois
10/22/14 10:41 pm

It's rude to ask rudely. It's a little unusual to ask at all.

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jamichl Seattle
10/22/14 10:41 pm

Context ... If you want to ask someone out, it could be appropriate.

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Br@ndon Your Soul
10/22/14 9:30 pm

No, but it's unnecessary and weird to.

Br@ndon Your Soul
10/23/14 8:32 am

Why would anyone walk up to a person and randomly ask this?

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/23/14 8:41 am

Well, I never implied for this to be a random stranger. However, stranger or not, how is it weird?

Rosebud Ohio
10/22/14 8:41 pm

Yes, if it's not pertinent to the topic at hand. Like when you want to ask them on a date.

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Praetorianus Fair enough.
10/22/14 8:01 pm

Not in itself, but if strangers or loose acquaintances who don't want to date you do it, it's more likely they don't ask for it but question it, and that is rude.

asmodeus enjoying the final kalpa
10/22/14 7:37 pm

I don't think it's rude as long as it is not done in an evil sense.

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persuader
10/22/14 6:43 pm

No. I wouldn't ask, however. I prefer don't ask don't tell. But Barack Obama took care of that. Ask away! Talk away, if you want.

RVA Uptown, Fan District, RVA
10/22/14 5:59 pm

I saw a customer drunk at a bar one night (she was, I was not). She asked if I was gay, because she found out I was 27 and single. I found it pretty awkward, but I politely said, no I am not. It's just not polite to ask an acquaintance, in my view.

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 6:47 pm

Hm, I think I would have laughed. Just gotta take some things in stride.

cyanospool The Deep North
10/22/14 5:11 pm

I don't personally get offended by it, but I do think it's generally rude. Because it shouldn't really be relevant info to you unless you're interested in them sexually, in which case there are many more polite ways of propositioning someone.

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 5:19 pm

Interesting. Thanks for sharing. So a friend asking you would be rude?

cyanospool The Deep North
10/23/14 11:59 am

If a friend asks me, I don't mind, I'm a very open person. And with close friends for anyone I'd assume it's no big deal, but in general I think people who ask loose acquaintances or strangers are not being considerate.

EarlyBird Portland
10/22/14 5:08 pm

Good question. I wouldn't be offended.
I think it actually would be the polite thing to do if you are interested in dating someone.

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screename1 Washington State
10/22/14 6:21 pm

What is your sexual orientation? ;)

EarlyBird Portland
10/22/14 6:22 pm

Hiya handsome! I'm heterosexual :)

screename1 Washington State
10/22/14 6:27 pm

Haha! And I'm married. (To a woman) :)

EarlyBird Portland
10/22/14 6:31 pm

So now I know! Lol

CudOfCow Oregon
10/22/14 4:53 pm

I dont think its fair to assume or ask. Its rude because it puts people on the spot. Being gay is just a made up term anyhow. We are attracted to whoever we are attracted to. I think people need to get over it.

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AbandonedAccnt Not here.
10/22/14 4:36 pm

Is it rude to just assume that everyone is a hetero as most people are?

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 5:19 pm

Generally, yes. In a general sense, no, but with a specific person, yes.

AbandonedAccnt Not here.
10/22/14 5:22 pm

Then it can't also be rude to ask someone if there's any suspicion.

drunk ill be Bach
10/22/14 4:10 pm

Not particularly. Context is important though. If you're going up to random strangers, you're pushing it.

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drunk ill be Bach
10/22/14 4:55 pm

Because we live in a society.

CudOfCow Oregon
10/22/14 4:59 pm

I dont understand what living in a society has to do with a persons sexual attractions, and how it is anyone elses business.

CudOfCow Oregon
10/22/14 5:00 pm

are you talking about the context of the situation in which asking is accptable or the context of a persons sexual identity?

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 5:20 pm

I don't see how it doesn't matter.

drunk ill be Bach
10/22/14 6:44 pm

The context of the situation. Don't overthink my words- remember, I'm drunk.

DuckAndCower
10/22/14 4:06 pm

Yes, but not as rude as asking their sex.

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
10/22/14 3:25 pm

Maybe, probably not, depends on context.

Krystina Let Freedom Reign
10/22/14 2:33 pm

Doesn't bother me. In fact, I prefer it if people ask because I'm bi and that's not typically obvious. Also, those who ask about sexual orientation are more likely to be more open minded about those that aren't straight.

swervin Maryland
10/22/14 2:25 pm

No, why would it be? If I was gay and thought another guy was hot, I would ask him if he was gay before I embarrassed myself by asking out a straight man.

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 3:17 pm

Well that too, but I mean more like a parent waiting for an announcement or a new friend assuming you're straight type deal. Romantic involvements I view a little differently.

fredd TrumpLand
10/22/14 1:35 pm

Depends on the context. You need to have favorable circumstances and a good reason to ask, IMHO.

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:33 pm

I don't think it is. In fact, I prefer people ask me. It's easier than beginning a friendship or acquaintance with "I'm gay" all the time. It gets old.

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Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:34 pm

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:37 pm

Yup, still gay

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 2:06 pm

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 2:14 pm

Usually how it goes haha. I guess even SOH mirrors my life haha.

bethanyq Ess Eff
10/22/14 1:30 pm

Depends on the context. If it's like "dude, are you gay?" for no discernible reason, that's probably rude. But if it's more "hey, we've never talked about this so apologies if I'm making the wrong assumption, but I have this amazing attractive single

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bethanyq Ess Eff
10/22/14 1:31 pm

friend I think you'd be great for, if you swing that particular way," I wouldn't think that's particularly rude unless you have reason to know this person is uninterested in being set up.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:32 pm

Lol, my friends do that too. Instead of saying a guy is gay it's always "plays for the same team." Good point.

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:33 pm

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bethanyq Ess Eff
10/22/14 1:34 pm

Hahaha I probably overuse the "play for x team" metaphor. Never really thought about that - I almost never use sports metaphors but that's one I use pretty frequently.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:35 pm

Yeah, but that's more about feminine and masculine than gay or straight. I had a high school crush on this super fem theatre guy that turned out to be straight.

bethanyq Ess Eff
10/22/14 1:35 pm

And to clarify, I try not to assume a person is straight OR gay. If it can be inferred from other things they say (usually it can) I go with that as my baseline assumption. But if they're totally inscrutable I try not to assume they're straight.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:43 pm

Someone asked if I was gay and didn't believe me, so it's probably not a bad idea haha. However, in college I just don't even ask or assume. It's just everywhere.

kermie gaytopia
10/22/14 1:27 pm

Just bluntly, yeah, it seems rude to me. I think it's okay, after talking about your partner, to say something like "tell me about your partner." And allow that person to say as much as they feel comfortable.

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Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:30 pm

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Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:30 pm

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Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:24 pm

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:26 pm

Lol. Isn't assuming the same as asking?

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:27 pm

Wait, I take that back. That was dumb. But assuming goes both ways.

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:29 pm

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:31 pm

Yeah, but you're still assuming he's straight...he could be gay. Or bi.

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 1:33 pm

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BeachSt Coastal Virginia
10/22/14 1:35 pm

I'm sorry, did I hijack your analogy?

Nemacyst No Lives Matter
10/22/14 2:07 pm

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