Show of Hands

Boy: I'll give you $10 to climb the flagpole.
Girl: Okay (climbs pole)
Girl: Mommy, a boy just gave me $10 to climb the flagpole!
Mom: He was just trying to see your panties.
The next day...
Boy: I'll give you $20 to climb the flagpole.

While cleaning her son's room, a mother finds an S&M magazine. She shows it to the boy's dad.

Mom: What should we do about this?
Dad: I don't know, but whatever you do, don't spank him.

Friend 1: How's your sex life?
Friend 2: Its great since we got into S&M!
Friend 1: Really? I wouldn't have guessed you'd be into that. What's it like?
Friend 2: It's fabulous. He snores while I masturbate.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dîck down someone's throat.

I've never heard any that I think are actually funny and don't make me feel like I'm in a room of middle schoolers lol.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.

What doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year.

2 gay priests are about to take a bath together. they strip down and get in the tub. While in there one priest realizes that he forgot the soap so he gets out and runs down the hall wet and naked to the utility room. he grabs 2 bars of soap and...

i'd tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long

I would do things to you that a memory foam mattress would try to forget...

I may be a smooth talker, but let me assure you that I'm ribbed for your pleasure...

Real men don't wear pink. They eat it...

Some people think it's sick and perverted to be a flasher.

I think it shows a lot of balls...

Sarcasm is my second most favorite "asm"...

I worked with all men. 5-6 of us were discussing how to solve a problem. One guy has never liked me, always put me down every chance. I asked him if he could say just one nice thing about me,just once. He said: ' you give good head' i know it's not

Boy: Want to hear a joke about my penis? never mind, it's too long

Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you'll never get it

Why did they kick Raggety Ann out of the toybox? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and moaning "Lie to me!"

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Kk-k-kk-th-th.

How can you tell if a man's been in prison too long? His farts whistle.

The masochist looked to the sadist and said, "Hurt me!"
The sadist looked at the masochist, paused, smiled, and said, "No."