Show of HandsShow of Hands

droo February 5th, 2014 9:43pm

Your 16-year-old child desires a sex-change surgery because he or she doesn't feel comfortable in his or her current biological gender and you can comfortably afford this surgery. Do you pay for it?

13 Liked

Comments: Add Comment

Gingerred primum non nocere
02/07/14 1:34 pm

I want to say I'd think it'd be better to wait until they were a little older, but I'm not completely up on the science and I've heard it said that the transition is easier if done younger. Not sure.

But when it comes down to it, yes, I'd help.

Reply
sydwel
02/06/14 10:11 pm

If this had been an ongoing issue that was causing emotional distress and I felt this was the best course of action, yes.

Reply
kermie gaytopia
02/05/14 9:10 pm

If they had a year of therapy and spent time living as the other gender then yeah I would.

Reply
TalkPolitics Chevy Chase, MD
02/05/14 7:45 pm

When she's 18 and financially independent, she can do whatever she wishes to make herself happy, but a physical change like that should be carefully considered.

fredd TrumpLand
02/05/14 7:13 pm

Not at 16. I think the path of living as the opposite sex for a number of years before approaching the topic of surgery is better.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 7:02 pm

I would never pay for that. As a parent, it's my job to do what's best for the child. And surgery that is not needed, is not good for the child.
I'd see it as a mental issue and get them major psych help.

Reply
BeachSt Coastal Virginia
02/05/14 7:24 pm

Who cares if you agree with it or not? If it makes them happy, then it IS good for their mental health.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 7:29 pm

It matters. As I would be there parent. I am responsible for them (everything they do) until they are adults.

It would be equivalent to them asking for a facelift or tattooed eyeliner.

BeachSt Coastal Virginia
02/05/14 7:39 pm

That is false. That's what it is to YOU, but to them it is the world. And that would be enough for me.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:40 pm

BeachSt that's because you're awesome :)

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 7:42 pm

So you would give an alcoholic alcohol? That would make them happy. And it would make you feel good that they're happy....
(That's your logic here)

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:45 pm

you're comparing providing necessary medical treatment to enabling an addiction. All that does is reveal your bias.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:06 pm

your SoH ID is a complete misnomer. I'm sure you've heard that countless times before.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 9:08 pm

Ha ha. I hear it once a week. It's actually a mythconception.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 9:14 pm

That's not to say I don't have common sense. As a parent , I need to think of my child's whole life, not just their teens. I'm not their buddy and their happiness is not my first priority. Their ability to survive and prosper in the big bad world is.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:16 pm

If your child is asking for medical treatment it would be unconscionable to say no

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 9:20 pm

Are they a child or an adult? Would you give your child everything they asked for just because they want it? That would be an irresponsible parent.
Especially a medical decision.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:21 pm

I wouldn't pretend to know better than medical professionals and decide without seeking a consultation personally.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:22 pm

In order for surgery to even be an option you have to obtain the signatures of a psychologist, a primary care physician, and an endocrinologist. The premise of the question doesn't take those into account at all.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 9:25 pm

Yeah, I have no idea how that process would work.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:26 pm

All 3 of my doctors just signed off on mine :)

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 11:10 pm

I'm 30. If I had done it as a minor my life would have been much, much happier.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 11:13 pm

They say that no one and nothing can make you happy but you.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 11:16 pm

if you had cataracts and couldn't see well and it was causing impairment in your daily life and then you were operated on and no longer had cataracts and could finally see clearly you'd be much happier for it. Transition is analogous.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 11:17 pm

The whole point is to seek medical treatment to remove that impairment for the betterment of your life. Doctors understand it. Psychologists understand it. The average person, however, is of an opinion more closely aligned with yours.

bMyComrade Stumptown
02/05/14 11:19 pm

"They" say that, but sometimes "they" are wrong.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 11:20 pm

It's not even a question of who's right. On the one side you have people who've spent ten years of their lives studying these things to understand them and treat them, and on the other side you have your everyday, ordinary and uninformed individual.

commonsense America isnt racist
02/05/14 11:30 pm

I admit I'm very opinionated about all things , even not knowing all the info, but it doesn't change the fact that as a parent you need to do what YOU think is best for YOUR child. Isn't that what the question asks?

tenletters New York
02/05/14 6:57 pm

I dont know much about this but I am 16 and 16 is confusing. I hate how we have to make decisions that affect the rest of our lives right now so on principle Id wait until they were older and encourage therapy to make sure that this is what they want

Reply
tenletters New York
02/05/14 6:58 pm

By if they were 100% sure, I'd fully support them

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 6:51 pm

Gender dysphoria usually starts in childhood, I would know. I'd definitely pay for my child to transition and probably be sad they didn't say something sooner. I was 7 when I knew, and spent the majority of my life thus far being miserable

Reply
kermie gaytopia
02/05/14 9:17 pm

I imagine it'd be easier for the child to go through the transition while they were still living with supportive parents and didn't have adult responsibilities to deal with yet. Do you agree?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 9:23 pm

Plus, it's a common feeling among almost all transitioning people that they wish they had started as children

CAKE is good for the soul.
02/05/14 6:40 pm

I don't have any problem with my kid changing sexes, but I would fear them going into major surgery like that. It's always a risk.

Reply
bMyComrade Stumptown
02/05/14 6:00 pm

Yes. I would help pay for all the doctor and psychologist visits, all the different medications and hormones, any surgeries required, and any legal fees associated. The doctor and psych visits would start straight away.

Reply
DavesNotHere where am I
02/05/14 4:31 pm

Not while they're 16. They're still in the growing/changing stage. Wait until they are at least 18.

Reply
political Georgia
02/05/14 4:12 pm

You mean HECK NO!

Rocker saved by grace
02/05/14 4:15 pm

Yes. That's what I mean. God forbid my child ever suffers from that, the money would be much better spent to fix it.

violence Pretty hate machine
02/05/14 3:52 pm

Nope, but I wouldn't pay for their college education either.

droo Santa Barbara
02/05/14 5:01 pm

Why not?

violence Pretty hate machine
02/05/14 6:01 pm

I paid for my own college education, they can do the same. I think parents who pay for their ADULT children's college education are crazy.

CAKE is good for the soul.
02/05/14 6:39 pm

How interesting! My parents didn't pay for squat, but I intend to pay for my daughters education as far as she wants to take it.

violence Pretty hate machine
02/05/14 6:43 pm

Once you're an adult the only thing you get is moral support.

usernamehere Raise a little hell
02/05/14 3:48 pm

Make sure they're sure about it. Most teenagers (there are exceptions) aren't ready to make that big of a decision. And they'll get therapy for gender dysphoria, which is absolute hell for those who have to go through it, especially untreated.

Reply
beanD California
02/05/14 3:42 pm

Absolutely not. Plus teenagers generally tend to change opinions like socks (as I would know).

Reply
KatG Liberal in Ohio
02/05/14 3:39 pm

Not until they are adults. Your body is stil growing and changing at 16, so I wouldn't approve of any elective surgery until they were done growing. At 20, yes I would help pay for it.

Reply
citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 4:06 pm

Nail. Head.

Thank you for the perfect response.

kermie gaytopia
02/05/14 9:20 pm

Is that a professional medical opinion? I genuinely don't know. It sounds like it may be true but I'm not a doctor.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 3:33 pm

I'd pay for therapy - bc that's what they really need

Reply
citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 4:06 pm

To help them prepare for surgery later. Agreed.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 4:29 pm

Sorry, mental health therapy to help them accept reality instead of trying to change reality to fit their flawed mental state

citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 4:58 pm

To help them accept the reality that their body does not match their gender and the unfortunate mental stress that comes along with that reality, then eventually get them the surgery they need.

I agree with you.

thefreshprintz Bradley, IL
02/05/14 5:57 pm

I see what you did there Cite.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 6:13 pm

To accept the physical reality that their brain doesn't believe.

Would you design a surgery to help me grow a tail and more fur if I decided to identify myself as a dog?

It is a mental health issue, not a physical one requiring surgery

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 6:54 pm

You're clearly not a physician nor a mental health professional Nelsor. It's not something you can "cure".

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:02 pm

I am not
There are many thing we cannot cure

Attempting to change the physical reality only brings new problems and doesn't "cure" the mental health problem either

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:04 pm

It'd be best to acknowledge you don't really know what you're talking about

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:05 pm

Given - I don't know anything

Explain how it is different from giving an alcoholic booze or a pyromaniac matches?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:07 pm

it's entirely different because you're not enabling destructive behavior, the fact that you'd even make it analogous to those negative things reveals your bias. I'm transgendered, and not a criminal. I'm an Ivy League educated combat veteran and

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:08 pm

I adjudicate medical law for my life's work. It doesn't get much more productive and normal than that.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:09 pm

There's nothing deficient about me and I'd be willing to wager I'm making more positive contributions to society than most people.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:10 pm

I'm proud of your work, but one has nothing to do with the other

Hoarders can be highly productive in their business life, but they still have a mental disorder.

Alcoholism doesn't discriminate against a certain economic group.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:12 pm

My examples weren't necessarily negative, they just are

Diseases are diseases - I was simply citing mental health issues where we all agree that we should treat the problem and not enable the fantasy world the person has created on their mind

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:13 pm

You're still revealing your bias, after you acknowledged you have no idea what you're talking about. Comparing gender dysphoria to alcoholism or hoarding or anything else is entirely inappropriate and people go to medical school for years to

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:13 pm

understand the things you're so unabashedly dismissive of

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:13 pm

Surgery to mutilate the body is destructive to the person

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:14 pm

The only "fantasy" that exists is the one wherein people can claim to have no bias then say people who need genuine medical treatment to treat a condition recognized by medical experts worldwide are akin to alcohol and drug addicts

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:14 pm

Please name a good comparison for me

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:15 pm

Your time would be better spent trying to reflect upon why you care so much about it lol -- even the basic psychology courses I took in college had countless case studies of people revealing their biases through developing negative feelings towards

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:16 pm

I'm not attacking you

Explain how you can say "my mind doesn't accept reality, so I'll change the world instead of seeking mental help"

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:18 pm

There is no comparison that's even appropriate to be making. If you desire genuinely learning more I'd recommend conferring with psychologists or endocrinologists

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:18 pm

I only cared bc the voting/comments here seems so one-sided - I was a little shocked by it

citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 7:19 pm

Before I begin, I would like to apologize to any people who are transgendered out there. I do not mean to make light of what you are going through.

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:20 pm

The "reality" you seem to be stuck on is that not everyone is born with a matching gender identity that's harmonious to their physical identity. Most people realize this as children but are too afraid to say anything because of attitudes like yours.

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:20 pm

How about a good website exposing how it isn't a mental health issue - I have no time to seek professional help - if I did, there are plenty other issues I should address

citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 7:20 pm

Here, Nelsor:

On the outside you probably look like a nice enough person. But, once we started speaking with you we realized you were actually an asshole. To ease the discomfort of constantly having to prove to people you are in fact an asshole,

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:21 pm

I don't gave an attitude

Reality is simply the fact that one is born with a gender and it isn't determined by their brain

citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 7:25 pm

...we can surgically change you into a giant sphincter, and so make your body match who you are between your ears.

***Again, apologies to people who are transgendered. I do not mean to ridicule you, but to call Nelsor a giant asshole***

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:27 pm

I disagree
I've been fairly clear why
I have not been mean or insulting
Maybe I'm uneducated, but I have been cordial (I believe)

So obviously you should attack me and call me names - who's really the...

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:28 pm

(Sorry, the train was under the SF Bay and I had no service) attitude as in your viewpoint/outlook --- if you hold the position that it's a "flawed mental state" how would you ever expect a child that's already scared to come to you with a problem

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:28 pm

especially one of that magnitude?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:30 pm

your assertion re: gender is just simply wrong both my medical standards as well as by personal experience, I don't know what else to say besides sometimes you just need to trust the experts

citethesource Socialist and Atheist
02/05/14 7:31 pm

I don't believe I've been mean or insulting, either. I'm just simply stating my opinion and reality as I see it. How can anyone get insulted with me simply expressing my personal beliefs, when I have absolutely zero knowledge about Nelsor?

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:34 pm

So all medical health professionals agree that surgery is the cure? There are none who feel that therapy can help?

I'm completely wrong - is that what you are saying?

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:37 pm

You're completely wrong in your assertion it's a "flawed mental state". I know hundreds of transgendered people from lots of different support groups. Surgery is the best method of treatment. Whether or not people can afford it is a major concern too

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 7:45 pm

It has come to be the most recommended treatment, but is it the best? the only?

I'm sorry I said "flawed" - I did not mean that as a pejorative, but just that there is a problem which should be addressed - I believe with psychiatry and not surgery

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:51 pm

your belief system is not supported by modern medicine, anyone who spends ten years of their lives becoming a doctor, or the countless transgendered people I know (of which I am one) lol. I'm not going to tell a cruise ship captain how to sail a ship

StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/05/14 7:51 pm

why would you think you're able to profess an enlightened opinion on how medical professionals provide treatment to people? :)

nelsor Catholic
02/05/14 8:07 pm

I'm not
Admitted
I'm asking!

I have to end here for tonight.

146787456777 .......
02/05/14 3:17 pm

not at 6 but if he still felt the same way in a year or two I'd pay for it

Reply
kindocologist Beer is my friend
02/05/14 3:13 pm

Get a job before you change your name to Mercedes, Michael!

Reply
TomLaney1 Jesus is Lord
02/05/14 2:59 pm

Hell no. I agree with rebelfury's comments about teenagers below.

Reply
MrLucchese If curious, ask.
02/05/14 3:28 pm

Well, actually, yes. At any age, if they were certain, I'd work my hardest to make them happy and comfortable in their own skin. I'd have to be comfortable in making the decision with them, also. I changed it to a yes, but it's case-by-case.

PuppyLvr In love with Listgarten
02/05/14 4:08 pm

My thoughts exactly.

opie99 left coast best coast
02/05/14 2:52 pm

Not at 16. Your body is still growing and changing. I would suggest my child follow the guideline of counseling for a year, followed by living as the desired gender for 3 years with continued counseling. Then pursue surgery

Reply
rlands
02/05/14 2:51 pm

I put a waiting period on it. He/she has got to be completely serious about it and committed.

Reply
FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
02/05/14 2:52 pm

Exactly, I'm saying no, but only for now.

rebelfury76 No Justice, No Peace
02/05/14 2:49 pm

Not when they're 16. Kids are confused about a lot at that age, there's so much going on and they are swimming in hormones. Make em wait until they're sure.

Reply