Your 16-year-old child desires a sex-change surgery because he or she doesn't feel comfortable in his or her current biological gender and you can comfortably afford this surgery. Do you pay for it?
I want to say I'd think it'd be better to wait until they were a little older, but I'm not completely up on the science and I've heard it said that the transition is easier if done younger. Not sure.
But when it comes down to it, yes, I'd help.
If this had been an ongoing issue that was causing emotional distress and I felt this was the best course of action, yes.
If they had a year of therapy and spent time living as the other gender then yeah I would.
When she's 18 and financially independent, she can do whatever she wishes to make herself happy, but a physical change like that should be carefully considered.
Not at 16. I think the path of living as the opposite sex for a number of years before approaching the topic of surgery is better.
I would never pay for that. As a parent, it's my job to do what's best for the child. And surgery that is not needed, is not good for the child.
I'd see it as a mental issue and get them major psych help.
Who cares if you agree with it or not? If it makes them happy, then it IS good for their mental health.
It matters. As I would be there parent. I am responsible for them (everything they do) until they are adults.
It would be equivalent to them asking for a facelift or tattooed eyeliner.
That is false. That's what it is to YOU, but to them it is the world. And that would be enough for me.
BeachSt that's because you're awesome :)
So you would give an alcoholic alcohol? That would make them happy. And it would make you feel good that they're happy....
(That's your logic here)
you're comparing providing necessary medical treatment to enabling an addiction. All that does is reveal your bias.
I'm not, that's your logic.
your SoH ID is a complete misnomer. I'm sure you've heard that countless times before.
Ha ha. I hear it once a week. It's actually a mythconception.
At least you acknowledge it :)
That's not to say I don't have common sense. As a parent , I need to think of my child's whole life, not just their teens. I'm not their buddy and their happiness is not my first priority. Their ability to survive and prosper in the big bad world is.
If your child is asking for medical treatment it would be unconscionable to say no
Are they a child or an adult? Would you give your child everything they asked for just because they want it? That would be an irresponsible parent.
Especially a medical decision.
I wouldn't pretend to know better than medical professionals and decide without seeking a consultation personally.
In order for surgery to even be an option you have to obtain the signatures of a psychologist, a primary care physician, and an endocrinologist. The premise of the question doesn't take those into account at all.
Yeah, I have no idea how that process would work.
All 3 of my doctors just signed off on mine :)
Ah. Are you a minor?
I'm 30. If I had done it as a minor my life would have been much, much happier.
They say that no one and nothing can make you happy but you.
I don't entirely agree with that
if you had cataracts and couldn't see well and it was causing impairment in your daily life and then you were operated on and no longer had cataracts and could finally see clearly you'd be much happier for it. Transition is analogous.
The whole point is to seek medical treatment to remove that impairment for the betterment of your life. Doctors understand it. Psychologists understand it. The average person, however, is of an opinion more closely aligned with yours.
"They" say that, but sometimes "they" are wrong.
It's not even a question of who's right. On the one side you have people who've spent ten years of their lives studying these things to understand them and treat them, and on the other side you have your everyday, ordinary and uninformed individual.
I admit I'm very opinionated about all things , even not knowing all the info, but it doesn't change the fact that as a parent you need to do what YOU think is best for YOUR child. Isn't that what the question asks?
I dont know much about this but I am 16 and 16 is confusing. I hate how we have to make decisions that affect the rest of our lives right now so on principle Id wait until they were older and encourage therapy to make sure that this is what they want
By if they were 100% sure, I'd fully support them
Gender dysphoria usually starts in childhood, I would know. I'd definitely pay for my child to transition and probably be sad they didn't say something sooner. I was 7 when I knew, and spent the majority of my life thus far being miserable
I imagine it'd be easier for the child to go through the transition while they were still living with supportive parents and didn't have adult responsibilities to deal with yet. Do you agree?
Plus, it's a common feeling among almost all transitioning people that they wish they had started as children
I don't have any problem with my kid changing sexes, but I would fear them going into major surgery like that. It's always a risk.
Yes. I would help pay for all the doctor and psychologist visits, all the different medications and hormones, any surgeries required, and any legal fees associated. The doctor and psych visits would start straight away.
Not while they're 16. They're still in the growing/changing stage. Wait until they are at least 18.
You mean HECK NO!
Yes. That's what I mean. God forbid my child ever suffers from that, the money would be much better spent to fix it.
Nope, but I wouldn't pay for their college education either.
I paid for my own college education, they can do the same. I think parents who pay for their ADULT children's college education are crazy.
How interesting! My parents didn't pay for squat, but I intend to pay for my daughters education as far as she wants to take it.
Once you're an adult the only thing you get is moral support.
Make sure they're sure about it. Most teenagers (there are exceptions) aren't ready to make that big of a decision. And they'll get therapy for gender dysphoria, which is absolute hell for those who have to go through it, especially untreated.
Absolutely not. Plus teenagers generally tend to change opinions like socks (as I would know).
Not until they are adults. Your body is stil growing and changing at 16, so I wouldn't approve of any elective surgery until they were done growing. At 20, yes I would help pay for it.
Thank you for the perfect response.
Is that a professional medical opinion? I genuinely don't know. It sounds like it may be true but I'm not a doctor.
I'd pay for therapy - bc that's what they really need
To help them prepare for surgery later. Agreed.
Sorry, mental health therapy to help them accept reality instead of trying to change reality to fit their flawed mental state
To help them accept the reality that their body does not match their gender and the unfortunate mental stress that comes along with that reality, then eventually get them the surgery they need.
I agree with you.
I see what you did there Cite.
To accept the physical reality that their brain doesn't believe.
Would you design a surgery to help me grow a tail and more fur if I decided to identify myself as a dog?
It is a mental health issue, not a physical one requiring surgery
You're clearly not a physician nor a mental health professional Nelsor. It's not something you can "cure".
I am not
There are many thing we cannot cure
Attempting to change the physical reality only brings new problems and doesn't "cure" the mental health problem either
It'd be best to acknowledge you don't really know what you're talking about
Given - I don't know anything
Explain how it is different from giving an alcoholic booze or a pyromaniac matches?
it's entirely different because you're not enabling destructive behavior, the fact that you'd even make it analogous to those negative things reveals your bias. I'm transgendered, and not a criminal. I'm an Ivy League educated combat veteran and
I adjudicate medical law for my life's work. It doesn't get much more productive and normal than that.
There's nothing deficient about me and I'd be willing to wager I'm making more positive contributions to society than most people.
I'm proud of your work, but one has nothing to do with the other
Hoarders can be highly productive in their business life, but they still have a mental disorder.
Alcoholism doesn't discriminate against a certain economic group.
My examples weren't necessarily negative, they just are
Diseases are diseases - I was simply citing mental health issues where we all agree that we should treat the problem and not enable the fantasy world the person has created on their mind
You're still revealing your bias, after you acknowledged you have no idea what you're talking about. Comparing gender dysphoria to alcoholism or hoarding or anything else is entirely inappropriate and people go to medical school for years to
understand the things you're so unabashedly dismissive of
Surgery to mutilate the body is destructive to the person
The only "fantasy" that exists is the one wherein people can claim to have no bias then say people who need genuine medical treatment to treat a condition recognized by medical experts worldwide are akin to alcohol and drug addicts
Please name a good comparison for me
Your time would be better spent trying to reflect upon why you care so much about it lol -- even the basic psychology courses I took in college had countless case studies of people revealing their biases through developing negative feelings towards
the things they secretly coveted.
I'm not attacking you
Explain how you can say "my mind doesn't accept reality, so I'll change the world instead of seeking mental help"
There is no comparison that's even appropriate to be making. If you desire genuinely learning more I'd recommend conferring with psychologists or endocrinologists
I only cared bc the voting/comments here seems so one-sided - I was a little shocked by it
Before I begin, I would like to apologize to any people who are transgendered out there. I do not mean to make light of what you are going through.
The "reality" you seem to be stuck on is that not everyone is born with a matching gender identity that's harmonious to their physical identity. Most people realize this as children but are too afraid to say anything because of attitudes like yours.
How about a good website exposing how it isn't a mental health issue - I have no time to seek professional help - if I did, there are plenty other issues I should address
On the outside you probably look like a nice enough person. But, once we started speaking with you we realized you were actually an asshole. To ease the discomfort of constantly having to prove to people you are in fact an asshole,
I don't gave an attitude
Reality is simply the fact that one is born with a gender and it isn't determined by their brain
...we can surgically change you into a giant sphincter, and so make your body match who you are between your ears.
***Again, apologies to people who are transgendered. I do not mean to ridicule you, but to call Nelsor a giant asshole***
I've been fairly clear why
I have not been mean or insulting
Maybe I'm uneducated, but I have been cordial (I believe)
So obviously you should attack me and call me names - who's really the...
(Sorry, the train was under the SF Bay and I had no service) attitude as in your viewpoint/outlook --- if you hold the position that it's a "flawed mental state" how would you ever expect a child that's already scared to come to you with a problem
especially one of that magnitude?
your assertion re: gender is just simply wrong both my medical standards as well as by personal experience, I don't know what else to say besides sometimes you just need to trust the experts
*by not my
I don't believe I've been mean or insulting, either. I'm just simply stating my opinion and reality as I see it. How can anyone get insulted with me simply expressing my personal beliefs, when I have absolutely zero knowledge about Nelsor?
So all medical health professionals agree that surgery is the cure? There are none who feel that therapy can help?
I'm completely wrong - is that what you are saying?
You're completely wrong in your assertion it's a "flawed mental state". I know hundreds of transgendered people from lots of different support groups. Surgery is the best method of treatment. Whether or not people can afford it is a major concern too
It has come to be the most recommended treatment, but is it the best? the only?
I'm sorry I said "flawed" - I did not mean that as a pejorative, but just that there is a problem which should be addressed - I believe with psychiatry and not surgery
your belief system is not supported by modern medicine, anyone who spends ten years of their lives becoming a doctor, or the countless transgendered people I know (of which I am one) lol. I'm not going to tell a cruise ship captain how to sail a ship
why would you think you're able to profess an enlightened opinion on how medical professionals provide treatment to people? :)
I have to end here for tonight.
not at 6 but if he still felt the same way in a year or two I'd pay for it
um... 16 not 6 >.>
Get a job before you change your name to Mercedes, Michael!
Hell no. I agree with rebelfury's comments about teenagers below.
Well, actually, yes. At any age, if they were certain, I'd work my hardest to make them happy and comfortable in their own skin. I'd have to be comfortable in making the decision with them, also. I changed it to a yes, but it's case-by-case.
My thoughts exactly.
Not at 16. Your body is still growing and changing. I would suggest my child follow the guideline of counseling for a year, followed by living as the desired gender for 3 years with continued counseling. Then pursue surgery
I put a waiting period on it. He/she has got to be completely serious about it and committed.
Exactly, I'm saying no, but only for now.
Not when they're 16. Kids are confused about a lot at that age, there's so much going on and they are swimming in hormones. Make em wait until they're sure.