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inge February 2nd, 2014 7:48pm

Living with your SO before marriage:

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pinkyusuck The Carribean. I wish.
02/03/14 1:14 pm

Bad idea. It mentally prepares you for divorce. Best to get to know them well beforehand, then commit to them for life, and keep your promise.

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FemmeAdamWest in the Tardis library
02/07/14 6:26 pm

How does it mentally prepare you for divorce?

LostBrother
02/03/14 8:57 am

You have to know you can bear living with them somehow...

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Kazuto originally animefanZ
02/03/14 2:37 am

Doing that right now but where we are living now won't be the last place we live. When we get married I'm buying a new home for us.

lasarah
02/03/14 2:26 am

Good idea, BUT have a solid plan in place in case of a break up. I'm stuck paying the entire rent on a place I can't afford on my own because of poor planning and a break up.

PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
02/02/14 11:31 pm

I used to think it was a horrible idea because that's what I had been raised to believe. As I've gotten older I am more open to the idea of living with a partner, but I probably wouldn't do it until I was sure we were headed toward marriage.

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CarrieMarie Mad Science Crew
02/02/14 10:17 pm

That is SUCH a tough call for me. I've lived with 3 SOs and married/divorced the first. This time TMS and I are waiting until marriage to live together. "Breaking patterns".

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TheMadScientist the mad laboratory
02/03/14 7:19 pm

Wooooo!!!!! ::streaks this comment::

Burntwaffle VA Politics and Pie
02/02/14 7:19 pm

When people enter a Marriage they should be 100% sure they are the right person. Therefore, yes.

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bliggs Veni Vidi Vigor
02/02/14 6:41 pm

I call it a test drive! ;-)

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Diogenes HappyIndependenceDay
02/02/14 3:52 pm

Lived 4 years before getting married. Nearly killed each other during that span but never thought about a break up. That was in '93. Married in '97 and best friends with benefits ever since we met.

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opie99 left coast best coast
02/02/14 3:49 pm

Wasn't for me but is for others. To each his own.

KAnne Atlantic City, NJ
02/02/14 3:45 pm

Entirely up to the couple. Like with most things, it'll differ with each relationship.

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curly
02/02/14 3:09 pm

I think it's a bad idea.

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Statek Im from the Internet
02/02/14 10:08 pm

So just wait until you're married to see how well you will actually do living together? That sounds idiotic

CarrieMarie Mad Science Crew
02/02/14 10:19 pm

1) "Idiotic" is kind of harsh
2) seems to have worked well in the past...marriage rate was higher and divorce rate was lower back before people lived together first.

CarrieMarie Mad Science Crew
02/02/14 10:22 pm

3) If you feel like responding, read my stand alone comment above before you do ;)

camigirl
02/02/14 3:02 pm

Good! You've got to test the waters before diving in hah.

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aj1545 Cat Lady
02/02/14 2:54 pm

Good. Not the kind of thing I'd go into blind. Plus, no choice but to do this for LGBT folks, but I guess it's not really before marriage in that case.

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inge MIA
02/02/14 3:00 pm

Hopefully all lbgt will have the freedom to marry soon.

146787456777 .......
02/02/14 2:49 pm

some studies say its a bad idea, but personally I think its a good one. you never get to know someone fully until you live with them.

rons on top of the world MA
02/02/14 2:45 pm

I she got preg then the government will provide.

inge MIA
02/02/14 2:59 pm

That makes zero sense. In this scenario the couples are already committed as they are contemplating marriage and living together.

Colorado303 Future Seattle Resident
02/02/14 2:03 pm

I wouldn't commit to marriage if I haven't lived with her for awhile

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StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/02/14 2:01 pm

It takes a certain naïveté to commit to someone forever without knowing what it's like to live with them...I suspect it's partly why the infidelity and divorce rate is so significant among the people who do.

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StilettoMiss SF med law, meme queen
02/02/14 2:05 pm

It seems intuitive to want to go into each decision with as much information as you can possibly have...at least, to me.

nelsor Catholic
02/03/14 6:37 am

Huh?
Are you suggesting the infidelity and divorce rate is higher for those who don't cohabitate, bc all research is the opposite

suppressedID I cant breathe
02/02/14 1:55 pm

To not do so seems so medieval.

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Zod Above Pugetropolis
02/02/14 1:39 pm

Nearly mandatory. I didn't, with my wife, other than a few two-week vacations and long weekends, but had lived with enough other women before I met her to have some idea if there were any deal breakers. Risky. I don't recommend going in blind.

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Rainey 633 Stag Trail Road
02/02/14 1:32 pm

A great idea! I lived with my husband for 5 years before we got married

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handshown The Midwest West Coast
02/02/14 1:29 pm

bad idea. We did not and we've been married for 17 years.

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inge MIA
02/02/14 1:29 pm

Baf idea for everyone or just you?

handshown The Midwest West Coast
02/02/14 1:35 pm

In my perfect ideal world_ bad idea for everyone. I can't recommend anyone do it if I don't agree with it.

Statek Im from the Internet
02/02/14 10:10 pm

"This vaccine is bad. We didn't get sick and we didn't take the vaccine so I hate the vaccine and I'm not giving any reasons why"
Well okay then

nelsor Catholic
02/03/14 6:39 am

There are plenty of stats to bad hand up

Statek Im from the Internet
02/03/14 6:51 am

Stats being higher divorce rates, yes

nelsor Catholic
02/03/14 2:59 pm

Maybe you google better than I bc I've never seen a study that didn't say that cohabitation has a HIGHER rate of divorce
health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/living-together-before-marriage.htm

Jeninerd Hoth, AK
02/02/14 1:22 pm

I couldn't imagine marrying someone without living with them first. Living with someone gives you perspective and lets you know potential problems in your relationship. It's like buying a car without test driving it....

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jonfrei the boonies
02/02/14 1:21 pm

For those of you who answered good, AND are currently/formerly married - how long have you been/were you married?

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:24 pm

I answered good because I don't necessarily think it is bad. But, my husband and I did not live together before marriage. We are still married 25 years.

jonfrei the boonies
02/02/14 1:26 pm

Me & mine - no - 33 years & counting.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:29 pm

You and I are among many, many examples of people who don't live together first and still have successful marriages. This is why I said below that it isn't a necessity at all as long as you have a good, strong relationship. :)

Wert A picture of my package
02/02/14 1:45 pm

I lived with my fiancée for a year after 3 years of dating. We ended it before the wedding as it just didn't work. I then lived with my wife before we married. We've been married 27 years. I recommend it, highly.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:47 pm

Wert...I am not against it. I am just trying to say that marriages can be and are very successful with having to live together first.

Wert A picture of my package
02/02/14 1:51 pm

And I didn't say anything was wrong with what you said. The OP asked what our experience was. That's my experience. I do recommend living together. But, it really depends on the people involved and the surrounding circumstances.

Wert A picture of my package
02/02/14 1:52 pm

In short, I see nothing wrong with it and it is up to the individuals. I think it helps.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:54 pm

Oh, sorry Wert. I thought you were responding to me. :)

Wert A picture of my package
02/02/14 1:56 pm

Nope. But I can understand how you thought that.

PartyFree Nowhere in Particular
02/02/14 11:27 pm

Congratulations to all three of you on such long and successful marriages! In a time when so many people throw away marriage, you and your spouses are a great example of what is possible if a marriage is made a priority.

ozgirl not down under
02/04/14 11:41 am

I'm torn on this question. My husband and did not live together, and we didn't have sex before marriage either. We've been married 13 yrs and going strong. We kinda wish we had, it MAY have smoothed some wrinkles. But bc it was hard, we grew a lot

ozgirl not down under
02/04/14 11:42 am

I understand why people do live together. It's not my decision for them to do so or not. It depends on the couple, and their goals together.

icytoes the tepid north
02/02/14 1:19 pm

I think it can go either way.

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DunkinFrunk Austin area, Texas
02/02/14 1:16 pm

I say it's a great idea.

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Rosebud Ohio
02/02/14 1:12 pm

I wouldn't consider it good, but I wouldn't say it's bad either.

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Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:11 pm

I think it entirely depends on the couple. If a couple knows each other well, has good communication, is open-minded about making concessions toward each other, etc, then living together isn't a necessity before marriage. A good marriage is what...

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Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:13 pm

...you make of it while you are married. Living together beforehand doesn't necessarily mean the marriage will be better (although I am sure it can help some couples).

inge MIA
02/02/14 1:34 pm

I can respect that opinion. I agree it depends on the couple or even what one person In the relationship need before marriage.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 1:41 pm

Very true that it might just be what one person in the relationship needs. To me this is one of those topics that isn't a universal "good or bad", but rather can be beneficial or not depending on the individual couple.

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 2:19 pm

I don't think people believe living together before marriage necessarily makes it better. It's more of a way to make absolutely sure you're compatible. I don't doubt at all there are many examples of people not living together first and...

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 2:19 pm

...making it work, but I'd be willing to put money down that the success and happiness rate as an average is lower than compared with couples who lived together first.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 2:50 pm

I disagree with you on that. I could not find any truth to that online statistically at all. In fact, if anything it tended that the divorce rate was higher for those who had lived together. I can also speak from experience. Between my parents...

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 2:53 pm

...siblings, parents in law, and bro/sis inlaws there are 9 marriages. Zero divorces and no one lived together. We are all still married anywhere from 10-56 years each.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 2:54 pm

Again, I don't think it is bad to live together. I just don't think it is necessary for a successful marriage.

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 3:00 pm

I doubt there have been any extensive studies on it, but I think you might be misinterpreting my point. I don't think living together first helps make a marriage successful, it just brings to light incompatibilities that otherwise wouldn't have...

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 3:00 pm

...been known until after the couple was married. I know there are plenty of examples where it wasn't necessary, but that doesn't preclude the point that it helps people know better what they're getting into.

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 3:04 pm

I'd much rather people try it out first before legal contracts, kids, and mutual ownership of homes and goods are involved.

Kay41 the Midwest
02/02/14 3:08 pm

I understand what you are saying. I just disagree with your sentence "success and happiness rates on the average are lower than compared to those who lived together first."

PartyJustin R.O.C.K. in the R.O.C.
02/02/14 3:41 pm

I gotcha, I'd still be willing to put money on it though! ;)

MisterE Conservistan
02/02/14 12:56 pm

It depends on how you define marriage. I'd say there needs to be some ground rules and expectations before such an action is taken, and you should know the person pretty well. You don't necessarily need to be married though.

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inge MIA
02/02/14 12:49 pm

I didn't live with my ex husband before marriage and I think that was a huge mistake. I think I will go about it a bit different this time around.

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kermie gaytopia
02/02/14 1:20 pm

You should live with me before you get married again ;)

inge MIA
02/02/14 1:21 pm

Lmao! Yes! I do Kermie :D