Living with your SO before marriage:
Bad idea. It mentally prepares you for divorce. Best to get to know them well beforehand, then commit to them for life, and keep your promise.
How does it mentally prepare you for divorce?
You have to know you can bear living with them somehow...
Doing that right now but where we are living now won't be the last place we live. When we get married I'm buying a new home for us.
Good idea, BUT have a solid plan in place in case of a break up. I'm stuck paying the entire rent on a place I can't afford on my own because of poor planning and a break up.
I used to think it was a horrible idea because that's what I had been raised to believe. As I've gotten older I am more open to the idea of living with a partner, but I probably wouldn't do it until I was sure we were headed toward marriage.
That is SUCH a tough call for me. I've lived with 3 SOs and married/divorced the first. This time TMS and I are waiting until marriage to live together. "Breaking patterns".
Wooooo!!!!! ::streaks this comment::
When people enter a Marriage they should be 100% sure they are the right person. Therefore, yes.
I call it a test drive! ;-)
Lived 4 years before getting married. Nearly killed each other during that span but never thought about a break up. That was in '93. Married in '97 and best friends with benefits ever since we met.
Wasn't for me but is for others. To each his own.
Entirely up to the couple. Like with most things, it'll differ with each relationship.
I think it's a bad idea.
So just wait until you're married to see how well you will actually do living together? That sounds idiotic
1) "Idiotic" is kind of harsh
2) seems to have worked well in the past...marriage rate was higher and divorce rate was lower back before people lived together first.
3) If you feel like responding, read my stand alone comment above before you do ;)
Good! You've got to test the waters before diving in hah.
Good. Not the kind of thing I'd go into blind. Plus, no choice but to do this for LGBT folks, but I guess it's not really before marriage in that case.
Hopefully all lbgt will have the freedom to marry soon.
I hope so too :)
some studies say its a bad idea, but personally I think its a good one. you never get to know someone fully until you live with them.
I loved the sex without commitment!
I she got preg then the government will provide.
That makes zero sense. In this scenario the couples are already committed as they are contemplating marriage and living together.
I wouldn't commit to marriage if I haven't lived with her for awhile
It takes a certain naïveté to commit to someone forever without knowing what it's like to live with them...I suspect it's partly why the infidelity and divorce rate is so significant among the people who do.
It seems intuitive to want to go into each decision with as much information as you can possibly have...at least, to me.
Are you suggesting the infidelity and divorce rate is higher for those who don't cohabitate, bc all research is the opposite
To not do so seems so medieval.
Nearly mandatory. I didn't, with my wife, other than a few two-week vacations and long weekends, but had lived with enough other women before I met her to have some idea if there were any deal breakers. Risky. I don't recommend going in blind.
A great idea! I lived with my husband for 5 years before we got married
bad idea. We did not and we've been married for 17 years.
Baf idea for everyone or just you?
In my perfect ideal world_ bad idea for everyone. I can't recommend anyone do it if I don't agree with it.
"This vaccine is bad. We didn't get sick and we didn't take the vaccine so I hate the vaccine and I'm not giving any reasons why"
Well okay then
There are plenty of stats to bad hand up
Stats being higher divorce rates, yes
Maybe you google better than I bc I've never seen a study that didn't say that cohabitation has a HIGHER rate of divorce
I couldn't imagine marrying someone without living with them first. Living with someone gives you perspective and lets you know potential problems in your relationship. It's like buying a car without test driving it....
For those of you who answered good, AND are currently/formerly married - how long have you been/were you married?
I answered good because I don't necessarily think it is bad. But, my husband and I did not live together before marriage. We are still married 25 years.
Me & mine - no - 33 years & counting.
You and I are among many, many examples of people who don't live together first and still have successful marriages. This is why I said below that it isn't a necessity at all as long as you have a good, strong relationship. :)
I lived with my fiancée for a year after 3 years of dating. We ended it before the wedding as it just didn't work. I then lived with my wife before we married. We've been married 27 years. I recommend it, highly.
Wert...I am not against it. I am just trying to say that marriages can be and are very successful with having to live together first.
And I didn't say anything was wrong with what you said. The OP asked what our experience was. That's my experience. I do recommend living together. But, it really depends on the people involved and the surrounding circumstances.
In short, I see nothing wrong with it and it is up to the individuals. I think it helps.
Oh, sorry Wert. I thought you were responding to me. :)
Nope. But I can understand how you thought that.
Congratulations to all three of you on such long and successful marriages! In a time when so many people throw away marriage, you and your spouses are a great example of what is possible if a marriage is made a priority.
I'm torn on this question. My husband and did not live together, and we didn't have sex before marriage either. We've been married 13 yrs and going strong. We kinda wish we had, it MAY have smoothed some wrinkles. But bc it was hard, we grew a lot
I understand why people do live together. It's not my decision for them to do so or not. It depends on the couple, and their goals together.
I think it can go either way.
I say it's a great idea.
I wouldn't consider it good, but I wouldn't say it's bad either.
I think it entirely depends on the couple. If a couple knows each other well, has good communication, is open-minded about making concessions toward each other, etc, then living together isn't a necessity before marriage. A good marriage is what...
...you make of it while you are married. Living together beforehand doesn't necessarily mean the marriage will be better (although I am sure it can help some couples).
I can respect that opinion. I agree it depends on the couple or even what one person In the relationship need before marriage.
Very true that it might just be what one person in the relationship needs. To me this is one of those topics that isn't a universal "good or bad", but rather can be beneficial or not depending on the individual couple.
I don't think people believe living together before marriage necessarily makes it better. It's more of a way to make absolutely sure you're compatible. I don't doubt at all there are many examples of people not living together first and...
...making it work, but I'd be willing to put money down that the success and happiness rate as an average is lower than compared with couples who lived together first.
I disagree with you on that. I could not find any truth to that online statistically at all. In fact, if anything it tended that the divorce rate was higher for those who had lived together. I can also speak from experience. Between my parents...
...siblings, parents in law, and bro/sis inlaws there are 9 marriages. Zero divorces and no one lived together. We are all still married anywhere from 10-56 years each.
Again, I don't think it is bad to live together. I just don't think it is necessary for a successful marriage.
I doubt there have been any extensive studies on it, but I think you might be misinterpreting my point. I don't think living together first helps make a marriage successful, it just brings to light incompatibilities that otherwise wouldn't have...
...been known until after the couple was married. I know there are plenty of examples where it wasn't necessary, but that doesn't preclude the point that it helps people know better what they're getting into.
I'd much rather people try it out first before legal contracts, kids, and mutual ownership of homes and goods are involved.
I understand what you are saying. I just disagree with your sentence "success and happiness rates on the average are lower than compared to those who lived together first."
I gotcha, I'd still be willing to put money on it though! ;)
It depends on how you define marriage. I'd say there needs to be some ground rules and expectations before such an action is taken, and you should know the person pretty well. You don't necessarily need to be married though.
I didn't live with my ex husband before marriage and I think that was a huge mistake. I think I will go about it a bit different this time around.
You should live with me before you get married again ;)
Lmao! Yes! I do Kermie :D